Of course, Jason could very well recant in the cold light of morning. After all, he had a history of making rash decisions and then taking them back the next day.
At some point, she fell asleep. A vivid dream took her down a rabbit hole of confusion. Jason was gone. She had a sense of being alone...and frightened...
She awoke in a cold sweat, startled and with no clue where she was. All at once, reality settled over her. She was in New York, in Jason’s loft.
Chest heaving, she tried to calm her racing heart. Nothing she did worked. Her heart beat erratically and painfully in her chest and she couldn’t catch her breath.
Whose stupid idea was it to sleep in separate bedrooms? Meredith was flesh and blood and wanted Jason’s comforting arms around her. Right now.
Slipping from the bed, she padded out of her room and across the sitting area before her screaming conscience could remind her that they’d agreed it was better not to sleep together.
Jason’s door was ajar. She let herself in, pausing for a moment to let her eyes adjust. The bed took shape and then she just barely made out the sleeping form in it.
Jason. Her heart sighed in relief.
She slipped beneath the sheet and rolled into his warm body. Pulse settling, she breathed in his scent, and it triggered something incredibly relaxing. It came back to her on a flash of memory—sleeping with him like this in Vegas. Sheer bliss. She loved curling up against his back.
But then he sighed and flipped over, disrupting her position.
“Uh, sleeping here,” he muttered and said something else unintelligible.
“I had a bad dream,” she whispered. Out of nowhere, her voice broke on a sob.
“Hey,” he said softly and his fingers slid through her hair, his thumb featherlight against her jaw. “God, Meredith. You’re shaking.”
He shifted, reaching behind him to what had to be a bedside table. With a snick and a whir, a dark curtain behind the bed rose, spilling light over them. The whole wall behind the head of the bed was glass, and the skyline he’d revealed was almost as gorgeous as her husband. Jason lay spread out in his bed, sheet at his waist and one hand under the pillow as he faced her.
Not so much of a cure for her racing heart, then.
He tilted her chin to look her in the eye, evaluating. “Come here,” he instructed and lifted an arm in invitation. “You’re freezing.”
Yes, she was. On the inside, where she couldn’t reach it. Ice ran through her veins, overwhelming her all at once.
Unable to stop shaking, she nestled her backside into his torso and when the heavy weight of his arm dropped against her waist, she closed her eyes, fully at peace for the first time in...forever.
Lacing her fingers through his, she absorbed his body heat and let it soak into her bones, liquefying them. “This wasn’t a cheap ploy to get into your bed. I swear. This isn’t about sex.”
He was silent for a moment, nestling her a little tighter against him. “I could see for myself that it wasn’t. Better now?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
His thumb absently stroked hers. She wondered if he even realized how comforting it was. How greatly she’d needed him. But he couldn’t possibly know because she hadn’t told him. Regardless, he’d instinctively guessed the exact right thing to do to make her feel better.
And this was not like Vegas at all. It was far, far better than she could have ever imagined.
“What was your dream about?” he asked softly.
Bits and pieces of it floated back to her. “I was looking for...something.”
It had been on the tip of her tongue to spill all the images and emotions from her dream. How she’d dashed out to the street in her lacy pajama top and shorts, searching for any sign of Jason’s familiar form. How she couldn’t find him.
But she didn’t say any of that. Interpreting the dream wasn’t difficult. She was scared of losing him and had no idea how to hold on to him.
“Something important?” Jason prompted.
“Critically. But I couldn’t find it and it scared me.” She sighed. “Sounds stupid to be so scared over that.”
Especially since her real fear was the exact opposite—that she’d continue to have daily contact with Jason for the foreseeable future and it would be torturous because it wouldn’t unfold like she’d desperately come to want. She wished for their relationship to be like this. Holding each other in the dark. Whispering about their dreams and failures and uncertainties. Being there for each other. Loving each other.
And that wasn’t the marriage she’d signed up for. She couldn’t even open her mouth and tell him her secrets.
“Fear isn’t something we can rationalize.” His voice drifted and she realized he was tired but fighting to stay awake. For her sake.