“I’m going to be okay,” she whispers, lifting her hand and placing it against my cheek. It’s not fucking right that she’s consoling me when she’s the one losing all the blood and is in pain. “This has happened many times before.”
That does shit to help me feel better.
A couple of minutes later, we pull around the back of Trouble’s office. Before the car is in park, I yank the door handle, shove it open, and slide out of the car. Remi’s already holding the door to the building open when I get there. I quickly walk down the hallway to the first patient room I come across. As I put Rella down on the bed, Trouble’s behind me making all kinds of noise as he gets whatever he needs ready.
I keep my eyes pinned on Rella.
“I’m sorry,” she says, so low the others can’t hear.
I frown. “For what?”
She shakes her head and opens her mouth, but before she can say anything, Trouble’s wheeling an ultrasound machine to the other side of her bed.
“I want to take a look inside and see if there’s anything we need to worry about. What kind of birth control are you on?”
“The depo shot. Deanna and Mick had a doctor friend that would come over, since I refused to leave the house.” She curls into a ball onto her side and clutches her stomach. “When I told him about my periods, he gave me the shot. I’ve been on it for eight years,” she pants out once her cramp is over.
Jesus, it’s like she’s in labor or something.
“A lot of women have bad periods, but this seems extreme.” He grabs the gel. “Can you roll to your back?” She nods once before she does so. He looks down at her stomach, his expression troubled, before he guides his eyes to hers. “Okay, I need you to stay that way for me for a few minutes, and keep your legs down. I know this may be hard and uncomfortable for you, but I need you to lift your shirt a little and unbutton your jeans. I need to be able to get right above your pelvis. Can you do that?”
She bites her lip, but nods again. As soon as she lifts her shirt and unbuttons her jeans, one of her hands seeks out one of mine. Fear shoots through me at her clammy palm. Her head is facing the ceiling with her eyes closed, a light sheen of sweat on her forehead.
“Okay, Rella, I’m going to squirt a little bit of gel on your stomach.”
Even though she was given the warning, she still jumps when the gels touches her. Grabbing the transducer, Trouble smears the gel over her skin and the room fills with a whooshing sound. Rella’s face pinches in pain, and I can visibly see her stomach muscles tighten with another cramp. She moves to draw her knees up, but remembers at the last minute that she can’t.
Trouble moves the transducer around for several moments, then pauses on a certain area. “What the fuck?” he mumbles, leaning closer to the screen. He moves to another area and pauses again.
“What is it?” Remi asks before I get the chance.
He slides his eyes to Rella, who still has hers closed. A single tear leaks out the corner of her eye, and her chin begins to quiver.
“What happened, Rella?” he asks hoarsely. “Why do you have so many scars on your uterus?”
She opens her eyes, but instead of looking at her brother, she looks at me. The pain I see there is unlike anything I’ve seen before. It’s raw and exposed.
“I was pregnant,” she whispers, her voice cracking. “I didn’t know it, but the day I slit my wrists, I was pregnant.”
My legs go weak and my heart stutters to a stop. My entire fucking being turns to ice, but my blood feels lava hot, burning a path through my body. A zinging noise starts in my ears. I can’t breathe because it hurts too damn much to pull air into my lungs.
So
meone mutters an expletive of curse words, and I think it’s Trouble, but I don’t know for sure. All I can think is that Rella was pregnant and there’s no other man who could have made her that way but me. She was carrying my baby. At ten years old, she was pregnant with my child.
“How is that possible?” I ask through the cotton in my throat. “You were only ten years old and hadn’t even started your period yet.”
Each girl had to take the morning after pill if there was a chance of becoming pregnant after Hell Night. If Hell Night happened to be during their menstrual cycle, they were exempted from participating. Rella was never given the pill, and she was never exempt.
“It’s uncommon, but possible for a girl to get pregnant before they have their first menstrual cycle. Rella must have been close to starting.”
“Fuck,” I whisper huskily, pulling my hand away from Rella and turning my back to her.
“Aziah.”
Her voice cracks on my name, and the hatred I feel for myself multiplies. Does her suffering know no bounds? How much fucking grief can one person take? How in the hell is she functioning? And how in the hell can she look me in the face without revulsion? Every single bad thing that’s happened to her leads back to me.
“What happened?” I ask without turning around and hang my head. I stuff my hands into my pockets, and my fingers meet the warm metal of the key. Never has it called to me to gouge into my flesh as strong as it is right now.