I grunt and lean my head back against the wall. “I can’t be around her right now, and she doesn’t need to be around me when I’m like this.”
He grabs the kit from the floor. “Leave the damn key in your pocket. You’ve done enough damage to yourself as it is. You almost went too far this time.”
I don’t say anything, because we both know that key is the only thing that gives me peace.
Halfway across the room, he turns back to me. “Do you want me to call Grace?”
“No, I’m done with her.”
The last thing I want to do is hurt Grace, and I know she’s getting too close. I’ve known for a while, but being the bastard that I am, I still held on to her because I needed what she could give me. It’s time I break the thread before she gets hurt even worse. Besides, the thought of being with her hasn’t felt right since Rella came to town. I can’t put my finger on it, but it feels wrong.
Relief flashes on Trouble’s face when he gives me a clipped nod.
“Take a couple of days to get your head straight, then I expect you at my place to show Rella you’re okay.”
I give him a brief nod, and he walks away. I’ll never have my head on straight. It’s a fucked-up jumble of mess in there with no hope of ever being normal.
I stay on the floor with my head tipped back toward the ceiling. I wish I still had Boo here. That little stuffed rabbit always gave me comfort. It was stupid, but having it near always made me feel like Rella was close by too. Even when I thought she was dead. Now I have nothing.
My nerves are all over the place because I haven’t been out of her presence since the day she arrived, except for when Trouble and I went to take care of Marco and Gabriela and when I retrieved Boo from my house. I hate not being near her, not being able to see her when I want to. It feels like I can’t pull in enough air. But it’s better this way. Lord fucking knows she doesn’t need her tormentor around her. I’ve done enough damage to her life; staying away will make sure I don’t do anymore.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
RELLA
The Past
I’M SO COLD MY BODY is shaking. Tears run from the corners of my eyes, getting my hair all wet. I’m scared and want to go home. I wish I could call for my mommy and daddy, but I know they won’t help me. They never do on these nights. They are off somewhere else in the room with another little kid, doing nasty and hurtful things to them.
My bottom lip trembles as I look down and see my best friend Aziah at the end of the table I’m lying on. His face looks all funny as he faces his dad. Mr. Masters has an evil grin on his face and it makes me even more scared. He leans down in Aziah’s face and whispers something, but I can’t hear it because of the moans and cries from the other adults and kids in the room.
Aziah turns to face me, and the angry look on his face from when he was talking to his dad changes to something else. He looks sad and like he’s in pain. He doesn’t look at my naked body, but instead keeps his eyes on my face.
Mr. Masters is behind Aziah, and he pushes him toward me with his chest against his back. I’m grabbed by my ankles and pulled down the table until my butt almost hangs off. I know what’s coming because it’s happened a lot of times before, but it still frightens me.
My legs are on the outside of Aziah’s hips, and I feel the soft material of his pants touch the inside of my thighs. I start to tremble even more and my teeth clack together.
The softness of Aziah’s pants is gone when Mr. Masters pulls them down. Now I feel the warmth of his skin. Aziah puts his hands on the table, right by my waist, and leans over me. His eyes look even blacker when he’s this close.
I don’t make any sounds, but I start to cry harder when Mr. Masters pushes Aziah’s body against mine. I try not to think about it. I try to look at Aziah and pretend like we’re in the gazebo playing a game, but as soon as Mr. Masters shoves Aziah forward, my imagination gets snatched from me by the pain.
I squeeze my eyes shut, but snap them back open when it makes the pain worse. I feel better when I can see Aziah’s eyes. He leans over further until his arms are lying flat on the table by my shoulders. He winces when his father does the same thing he’s forcing Aziah to do to me.
I reach up and wipe away his tear before it has a chance to drip on my chest. He’s hurting just as much as I am, and it makes my own pain so much worse. I hate what his father is making him do to me, but I hate more that he’s hurting Aziah.
There’s a sharp pain in my stomach when Mr. Masters moves faster, making Aziah move faster too. I try my best to be brave, because I know it really hurts Aziah when he knows I’m in pain. I don’t want him to hurt any more. I don’t want him to think he’s hurting me. It’s not him. It’s his father. He wouldn’t be doing this if his father didn’t make him. I know he tries to protect me, but his dad is so much bigger and stronger than him.
Mr. Masters starts making those weird and nasty noises. I can’t see him because Aziah’s blocking me, and I’m glad that I can’t. I don’t like looking at him. I want to look at Aziah instead, so that’s what I do. I keep my eyes open and so does he. Each time his father shoves him forward, I watch as his expression turns darker and darker.
My insides feel like there’re being jerked around, and I can’t hide the pain anymore. I cry out, my little hands balling into fists.
“I’m so sorry, Rella,” Aziah croaks, his face twisting. Tears fall from his eyes and land on my cheeks, mixing with my own tears.
I bite my lip and nod. “I know.”
He drops his head until his forehead meets mine. We both still keep our eyes open and on each other.
I wish I could soothe him and tell him I don’t blame him for what’s happening, but I hurt so much that I can’t talk. All I can do is lie there and wait for it to be over. It won’t be for a long time though.