“Thank you.” She kisses the top of Elijah’s head. “It’s strange, because my heart breaks for the little girl who was in that bedroom with me. I’d do anything to take away the horror she endured. My pain was nowhere near what hers was. Phillip had her for days.” She looks down at her son, lovingly smoothing down his hair. “But I don’t regret for a second having Elijah. He’s the only good thing that came out of that nightmare.”
I nod, commiserating with her. How can you regret something that’s precious and you love with your whole heart? But also, how can you not regret the horrifying experience that gave you that special gift? It’s an impossible thought.
“Trouble and I are thinking about trying to get pregnant.”
I jerk my eyes up from Elijah. Love shines brightly in Remi’s dreamy gaze.
“That’s wonderful news!” I say sincerely. Even though a small pinch of pain takes up residence in my heart, I would never wish anything but happiness for Trouble and Remi. I’ll just have to spoil Elijah and any of their future babies rotten. “I’m so happy for you both.”
She laughs lightly. “Don’t start celebrating yet. We’re only just talking about it now. It could be months, or even years, before we get pregnant.”
I love how she says “we get pregnant.” Like it’s not only her that will be carrying the baby, but Trouble as well.
I grin. “No matter when it happens, I already can’t wait.”
She smiles so big it takes up half of her face. “Me neither. Elijah will always be my first love and will have a special place in my heart, but I can’t wait to have a child that’s part of both me and Trouble.”
I can just imagine a dark-haired little girl with pretty green eyes running around, chasing after her big brother.
I hold out my arms for Elijah. “Come see your aunt Rella.” He squeals as Remi hands him over. I bounce him on my legs as Remi cleans the highchair tray.
“Will you tell me about Grace?”
She stops wiping down the seat and lifts her eyes to me. “What do you want to know?”
Elijah grabs my hands and claps them together. “She and Aziah were together, right?”
“Yes and no.” Remi takes the rag and rinses it before turning to face me, leaning back against the counter. “They weren’t together like a couple or anything. For Emo, I think it was more of a physical thing. I don’t know much about it, but I think she….” She pauses and sighs. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Please try,” I ask softly. I don’t know why I need to know; I just do.
“You know about the key, right? How he uses it to hurt himself?”
I nod. She comes to the table and takes a seat, placing her clasped hands on the surface. Her face is a mask of concentration as she stares off across the room before bringing her eyes to me.
“I don’t know how he was before, but I’m sure you know Emo lives in a dark place. His mind is full of all the evil that was done to him and what he was forced to do to you. He holds immense guilt over that.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. What she’s saying isn’t anything I don’t know, but I still hate hearing it. “Pain is his outlet. I think it’s the only way to gain relief from the darkness, even if it is temporary. What he had with Grace…. I think she gave him that pain when he needed it.”
Bile rises in my throat, and I have to take several deep breaths to keep it down. Something raw settles in my chest. Not only because of the pain Aziah purposely puts himself through, but also the thought of him being with another woman. It’s stupid and unreasonable to feel that way, but I still hate it.
“How?” I ask hoarsely.
Remi frowns. “I don’t think—”
“Please tell me.” I look at her pleadingly.
After a moment, she lets out a low breath. “I don’t know for sure, but I think Emo has her hurt him.”
Tears spring to my eyes, and my pulse begins to race as I remember the night in Aziah’s basement. How he had me hit him with the belt. The scars I saw on his back; some were newer than others. He confirmed some of the scars were from his father, but the others… they came from Grace. In my heart, I know they did.
I only met the woman once, and she seemed nice enough, but now I despise her. How could she do such a thing? How could she hurt someone so much it leaves scars behind?
I don’t realize I’m crying and shaking until Remi reaches over and settles her hand on top of mine. She gently takes Elijah from my lap and settles him on hers, then pulls her chair closer to mine.
“I can see what you’re thinking. It wasn’t Grace’s fault.”
“How can you say that?” I scrub my hand under my eyes. “She hurt him.”
“Only because he asked her to. Only because that’s what he needed to release some of the darkness inside him.” She grabs my hand again and squeezes it. “Listen to me, Rella. I know for a fact that it hurt Grace emotionally when she had to do those things. She and I never talked about it, but every time she was with him, I saw it in her eyes. It haunted her.”