For a second, her eyes reflect light instead of complete darkness, and it makes me feel ten fucking feet tall that my compliment pleased her.
Hearing a noise behind us, I look over the back of the couch and see Gwen standing at the bar watching us. Her eyes look glassy and her hand is covering her mouth. Her eyes flick back and forth between me and Kelsey before they settle on me. Her hand falls away and she’s wearing a smile. I tip one side of my mouth up then face forward again, glad I could bring a smile to Gwen’s face and some form of pleasure to Kelsey.
Later that evening after everyone has gone to bed, I’m lying on my back on the couch with a notepad in hand, working on something, when I hear murmurs coming from the hallway. I turn my head to try to listen better. The murmurs stop, but then start back up again a minute later.
I set my notepad down on the coffee table and get up from the couch. Unsure of what’s going on and not wanting to wake anyone that might be asleep, I walk down the hall silently. The murmurs get louder the closer I get to the half-open door. I stop just out of view and listen, not being nosy, but making sure everything is okay.
The softly spoken words nearly bring me to my knees.
“Please, God, just let my daddy come home,” Kelsey’s tearful voice whispers. “And please tell him I’m sorry. I miss him so much. I just want to hug him again and tell him I love him.” Her voice is lower when she finishes. “In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Hearing those words whispered in such an agonizing way damn near suffocates me. It’s hard to pull in air because the weight on my chest is so heavy. I don’t get emotional. I’ve cried once as an adult, but right now, this eight-year old’s excruciating words have tears springing to my eyes. The need to rush in there and take her in my arms is almost overwhelming. Only knowing it’s not my place keeps me on this side of the door.
Kelsey’s quiet after that. No more words are whispered. Obviously, Gwen’s asleep and didn’t hear her, because I know I would have heard her consoling her daughter, if not crying along with her.
With one last look at the door and my heart heavy, I walk away and go back to the couch. I spend the next couple hours finishing up the project I was working on, determined to get it done quickly, then set it aside. It takes me a long time to drift off to sleep, and when I finally manage to, it’s a restless sleep filled with the whispered prayers of a broken girl.
Chapter 7
Gwendolyn
I walk down the hallway, rubbing sleep from my eyes, when I hear Daniel laughing. When I awoke a few minutes ago, I was alone in the bed. For a split second, panic had me scrambling to get the covers off to search for them, but then I realized where I was. I may not know Alexander, but the way he’s been with the kids the last couple of days, he seems like a good guy. That may be naïve of me, but I like to think my instincts are good.
As I walk by one of the living room windows, I see a thick layer of snow falling. The thought of the snow not letting up, forcing us to stay longer, doesn’t fill me with the dread you’d think it would. It does the opposite, in fact. I want to be here longer. I feel comfortable here. I like being near Alexander.
I spot Daniel and Kelsey at the bar, while Alexander leans back against the counter watching them, a small smile playing on his lips. The man is already striking, despite his scars, but when he smiles, it almost knocks the breath out of me. When he laughed yesterday at Daniel’s comment about Alexander’s hot chocolate being better than mine, all I could do was stare. It was t
he first time I’d seen him smile or laugh and the look on his face was nothing but beautiful. It sent butterflies to my stomach. The surprise on his face when he realized he was laughing said he’s not used to doing it.
Daniel laughs again and it pulls me from my thoughts of Alexander’s beautiful face. He’s always been a happy boy, but I don’t remember him being quite this cheerful. For some reason, he’s taken an extra liking to Alexander. I wouldn’t have pegged Alexander as the type to willingly spend time with a boy Daniel’s age, but I’m glad he’s going out of his way to be nice to him.
Will’s been gone for over two years now, and I know it’s time I open myself up to the possibility of dating again, to try to find someone that would be good to both me and my kids. Daniel needs a man in his life, and I don’t want to be alone forever. I know Will would want me to find someone else, to try to be happy again, to find a good man that could take on the father role that he can’t, but the thought of dating terrifies me. Will was my high school sweetheart. He was my first for everything. I don’t know how to date.
I walk into the kitchen and find out why Daniel was laughing. Gigi has her puppies on the floor trying to gently play with them, but all she’s managing to do is knock them off their feet and onto their backs.
What has me surprised and my heart stopping in my chest is the almost-smile on Kelsey’s face as she watches momma dog and her puppies. It’s not touching her mouth, but it’s definitely there in her eyes. I see more animation on her face than I’ve seen in years. I think Alexander plays a big role in that too. Her interest in him is unmistakable. Last night, the look on her face when he said her drawing was beautiful had me wanting to burst into tears. Thankfully, I managed to hold them back. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit jealous Alexander’s gotten more of a reaction out of Kelsey than I have in years, but seeing her eyes showing more than just lifelessness far outweighs the emotion.
Alexander sees me approaching and whips around to stir something in a pot. I walk up beside him to find him cooking eggs and grits.
“Need any help?” I ask, then grab a mug and fill it with the coffee that’s calling my name.
“I got it,” he grunts.
I look over at him and see a frown on his face. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”
Guilt tightens my chest. It’s my fault he’s on the couch and not in his big comfortable bed.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I noticed the snow still coming down. Tonight, the kids and I will take the couch and chair so you can have your bed. I know it can’t be good for your back.”
The glare he shoots me is sharp and says without words that my suggestion is ludicrous and pisses him off.
I hold my hands up and grumble, “Fine,” and continue making my coffee.
I make the kids a plate, and once again, we all eat in the kitchen with the kids at the bar and Alexander and I standing. Afterward, I do the dishes while Kelsey sits at the bar with her drawing pad and Alexander and Daniel go out and check on the horses.
When I’m done, I walk around the bar beside Kelsey. She looks over at me, her eyes back to their previous empty state.