She takes a couple of steps into the living room, then stops.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I ask, knowing I won’t get a response.
I make a move to get up, but then my ass plops back down when she starts walking toward me. I hold still and she doesn’t stop until she’s only a foot away from me. I can’t see clearly in the dark room, but I can tell she’s looking at me.
“Kelsey, is everything—”
I stop and sit there stunned when she springs forward, wraps her arms around my neck, and sits down sideways on my lap. I hold my breath and don’t move for several long seconds, but then slowly bring my arms around her. For as long as she’s been here, I’ve never seen her show either her mother or brother any affection. She doesn’t shy away when her mother holds her hand or kisses the top of her head, but she never initiates any contact. For her to do so now, with me, is shocking, and damn near crushes my heart. I just don’t know why. Why would she pick me?
I feel wetness on my neck and heated breaths as she buries her face against me and cries softly. My arms tighten around her tiny waist, and I tug her back with me as I lean back against the couch.
“Shhh,” I whisper into the darkness, rubbing circles on her upper back. “It’s okay.”
“I miss my dad,” she whispers back, further obliterating my heart and shocking me more.
I squeeze my eyes closed to keep back the tears wanting to fall. I am so completely blessed to hear this girl’s beautiful voice after years of not letting anyone hear it, but the tortured words and the pain behind them leave me feeling like I’m taking my last painful breath.
“I know you do, honey,” I say softly. “I know you do.”
Unsure of what to do, I adjust us both so I’m leaning back against the arm of the couch with her still lying in my arms. I debate with myself whether I should get her mother or not, and then decide against it, worried that she’ll withdraw even further. Obviously, there’s something about me that makes her feel comfortable enough to come to me, even though I have no clue what it is. Kelsey needs this, I know in my gut she does, and although Gwen is her mother and has a right to know, I won’t break Kelsey’s trust. In the short span of time they’ve been here, she’s come to mean a lot to me, all three of them have, way more than they should.
Kelsey’s cries quiet down after a while, and I feel her breathing against my neck even out. She’s finally asleep. The thought of taking her back into my room where her mother is doesn’t even cross my mind. It makes my heart feel lighter having her trustingly sleep against me.
I settle us down even more, grabbing the blanket I threw on the back of the couch and laying it over her. My legs hang out, but that’s perfectly okay with me.
I kiss the top of her head and tighten my arms, making sure she won’t fall off during the night. Leaning my head back against the armrest, I close my eyes and send up my own silent prayer that this girl and her family will find the strength to be whole again.
I wake with snoring in my ear and something tickling my nose. Cracking my eyes open, a headful of red hair is all I can see. I tip my head to the side and brush away the few strands of hair that’ve gotten caught in my beard. A soft smile plays on my lips when Kelsey’s nose wrinkles.
Feeling eyes on me, I look over and see Gwen sitting on one of the chairs, staring at us. My smile slips away at the intense look on her face. At first I wonder if she’s mad, because the hard slash of her mouth, downward line of her eyebrows, and the redness covering her cheeks make her appear like she’s holding in anger. I’m just about to ask what’s wrong, when all of a sudden she lets out a soft hiccoughing sound right before her face crumples and her eyes flood with tears. Her eyes leave mine to look down at her daughter snuggled in my arms. I look down as well and know exactly what she’s feeling. My heart constricts at the pure innocence on Kelsey’s face. Her face is relaxed in her sleep, not giving off the painful look she normally carries.
I look back at Gwen, and I want to get up and pull her in my arms. To comfort her, but to also let her know she’s not alone. Our situations are different on many levels, but there’s one thing that’s the same. We both mourn the loss of someone special to us. Gwen not only mourns her husband, but her daughter as well. I mourn my wife and the family we’d barely begun to share.
I hold on to Kelsey as Gwen struggles to bring her emotions under control. Her lips tip up into a beautiful smile as she wipes away her tears. A look to the left shows the sun is already making its way over the horizon, surprising me because I never sleep this late.
“Will she stay asleep if I move her?” I ask quietly.
She gets up and comes over to us; her eyes soften even more as she peers down at her sleeping daughter.
“She should,” she whispers.
Pulling back the cover, I slowly sit up and place my feet on the floor. I adjust Kelsey so she’s lying sideways in my arms with one under her shoulders and the other under her knees. Gwen follows us as I walk down the hallway to the bedroom. Neither of the kids move as I lay her down next to Daniel. I slide part of the cover over Kelsey, and before I know what I’m doing, I’m bending down and placing a kiss on her forehead, then leaning over and doing the same to Daniel. These may not be my kids, and I may not have any ties to them, but they already have a place in my heart.
When I turn to leave the room, Gwen’s standing behind me, watching with a weird look on her face. She turns before I can question her on it, and we both walk down the hallway. She heads straight for the couch, grabs my blanket, and starts folding it. I go over to the fireplace and throw in a couple of logs, stirring it back to life, before turning to face her.
With her back to me, she asks in a hoarse voice, “What would you have done if I had told you she would wake up?”
“Stayed on the couch until she woke on her own,” I tell her.
She lays the blanket down on the couch, then the pillow on top, before turning to face me.
“Why?”
I walk over to her and stop when I’m a foot away. The need to be close to her is too strong to ignore right now. It scares the shit out of me, but I don’t have the will to push it away.
Her head tips back the closer I get to her. Her vanilla scent wafts up to me, reminding me of the cakes my grandmother used to bake us kids when we were little.
I stop when I’m only a foot away. “Why what?”