Whispered Prayers of a Girl

It’s his turn to avert his eyes.

“Because today is not a good day for me.”

He’s already mentioned he doesn’t do holidays, but I get the feeling there’s more to it. Realization dawns, and I suck in a breath.

“Today’s the anniversary of their deaths, isn’t it?” I ask, keeping my voice quiet.

The pain he shoots my way when he brings his gaze back to me almost steals my breath.

“Tomorrow.”

“I’m so sorry.” I take a step closer to him, not entirely sure what I’ll do once I’m close enough, but he holds his hand up to ward me off.

“No!” he says harshly, and I freeze in place. His head drops and his hands go to his hips. His chest rises and falls as he pulls in several deep breaths before lifting his head again. “Sorry,” he utters. “I’m just not in a good place right now. You and the kids should leave.”

His words hit me in the chest and the pain of it is staggering. I know I have no right to feel this way, but I wish so much this man would let me be there for him. I want to help make him better, even if only for a few minutes. I wish he would open up to me and tell me how he feels, so I can find a way to help him. I know there’s nothing I can do to take away his pain, but if I could relieve it even just a fraction, it might help.

I think about my kids in the car, the excitement of seeing Alexander again, and I can’t bring myself to give in so easily. Alexander might not want to admit it, but he needs all three of us.

“Please.” I take another step toward him. “The kids really want to see you. They’re waiting in the car.”

My soul sings when his eyes flare with something akin to longing. I know deep in my heart my kids have touched him in some way and he’s missed them too. My throat tightens with the thought. He’s touched their lives as well, along with mine.

After a moment, he nods, and my body sags with relief.

“Thank you.”

Now that the tenseness of the situation is over, a new awareness makes itself known. Before I can stop myself, my eyes travel back down his body. The scars covering the right side don’t take away from the beauty of his chest, only add to it. Packed with muscles, the left side of his chest is covered in a thin layer of bristly hair, while the right has none. His stomach has deep ripples from his six-pack. The hair covering half his chest disappears beneath the towel.

I blush fiercely and want to slap myself when I think about what’s under that towel. I haven’t felt desire for another man since Will and I got together, and it’s strange to do so now. I ache to run my hands over his body. My mouth waters to trace over both the hard planes of his muscles and the rigid lines of his scars. The tingle that starts in my toes travels up my body and centers between my legs, leaving my entire body feeling flushed. That feeling intensifies and my eyes widen when the towel starts to tent.

“Gwendolyn,” Alexander calls roughly. Knowing my face is flame red but unable to do anything about it, I look at him. “Don’t look at me like that.”

I jump at the growled words and the intensity in his eyes. He looks like he’s seconds away from stalking over to me and devouring me whole. The prospect of that sends my already pounding heart into overdrive. I want nothing more than to yell at him to come take me, but now’s not the time, and I wonder if it ever will be.

I silently ask myself if I truly want there to be a time.

Yes, my mind screams immediately, and I know it’s true.

I want this man to touch me, I want Alexander to take me. I want to feel his skin against mine and for him to kiss me again. The need for that is so strong that I wonder if I’ve ever wanted anything this badly before.

I take a deep breath and push down the desire. My kids are still out in the car waiting on me. Wanting Alexander is the last thing that should be on my mind at the moment. I need to focus.

“I’ll, uh… go grab the kids while you get dressed,” I mumble, then turn and rush down the hallway, swearing I hear his deep chuckle as I go.

Before opening the front door, I stop and rest my forehead against it. I steady my breath and my racing heart, knowing I can’t have a red face when I go out to the car. Once I’m sure I’m under control, I pull the door open, and welcome the cool air that hits my face. I start across the yard, but then slow when I don’t see their heads popping up over the front seats. My steps become faster and fear settles in when I don’t find them inside. I spin and look across the yard.

“Daniel? Kelsey?” I call.

The only sound I hear is the light breeze blowing in my ears. I turn back to the car and check the back seat one more time, hoping I somehow missed them. I only find Pepper’s empty cage. My chest starts to hurt with my heavy breathing as panic soon replaces the fear. We’re practically out in the middle of nowhere with virtually no traffic, where in the world could they be? I was only in the house for a few minutes, so they couldn’t have gone far. They’ve never run off before, so for them to do so now—I refuse to think there’s another reason they aren’t in the car—seems strange.

“Daniel and Kelsey!” I yell again. “Where are you?”

I stop my frantic look around the yard when I still get no answer, and pull in a deep breath. The last thing I need to do is have an anxiety attack. I need to pull myself together and think rationally. I think back to when I walked out to the living room. Could they have been in there and I didn’t even realize it?

Barking comes from my right, and I turn to see Gigi bounding up to me. She stops at my feet and looks up. I absently reach out to her, but look over to the porch. As soon as I spot Alexander standing at the top of the steps, dressed in jeans and a thermal, I start toward him.

“Are the kids inside?” I ask, out of breath even though I’ve only walked ten feet.