I PRESS MY EAR TO DAD’S office door and listen carefully as Mom, Dad, and Trey talk. I’m supposed to be in bed when I came downstairs for something to drink and heard their voices. I’d get yelled at for being up, so I keep as quiet as I can.
“I think it’s time too, Robert. He’s six. Trey’s waited long enough,” Mom says. She’s using her soft voice. The one I like. The one that makes me want to believe she’s a good Mom. She’s not though. She lets people touch me in places they aren’t supposed to, so she can’t be a good Mom, right?
“The others aren’t going to like it,” Dad warns.
“Doesn’t fucking matter. He’s mine, and I want him,” Trey growls.
A shiver races down my spine at the anger in his voice, and I swallow hard. They haven’t said my name, but I know they’re talking about me. My brother scares me. The way he looks at me sometimes makes me feel the same way I did the one time I ran across a rattle snake in our back yard. My stomach drops, I begin to sweat, and all I want to do is run away. I told Mom about it one day, and she just laughed at me and said my imagination was too active. I don’t think it is. I think Trey wants to hurt me.
I told Judge, Emo, and Trouble about it too, and they said they’d protect me, but Trey’s a lot older and a lot bigger than them, so I don’t think they’ll be able to stop him if they tried.
“You need to let the other adults know they can’t touch him anymore. I won’t allow it. He’s mine from now on, starting at the next Gathering.”
“Trey—” Dad begins, but my brother’s hard voice cuts him off.
“No, Dad. I’m not sharing. I waited like you asked. I’m done waiting. Tell everyone else whatever you have to. I don’t care.”
My mouth starts watering like it does when I’m getting ready to throw up and my teeth begin to chatter. I know what he’s talking about. Hell Night. The night my parents let some of the other adults touch me and do things to me and make me do things to them. Things I hate doing and things that make me feel sick to my stomach. No matter how much I begged my mom and dad or cried for the adults to stop, they wouldn’t. They’d just say that it was okay. That they were supposed to do those things.
Trey says he doesn’t want others to touch me anymore, but does that mean he wants to? He’s never touched me during Hell Night, but I’ve seen him watch others while they do so. I hate it. And I think he hates it too, because he always looks like he wants to hurt them. I’m scared when Trey does touch me, it’ll be worse than all the others.
While I’m thinking all this, they must have stoppe
d talking, because I can’t hear their voices anymore. Footsteps thump across the floor, coming toward the door. Fear has me backing up, and I almost trip. I stayed too long. I won’t be able to make it upstairs before someone sees me. I turn around to run anyway, when a hand reaches out and grabs my arm.
I try to yank my arm back, but he won’t let me go.
“What are you doing up, little brother?” he asks. When his finger starts rubbing over my wrists, I get that tight feeling in my throat again like I’m going to puke.
“I was thirsty.”
“Bet you heard me, Mom, and Dad talking, didn’t you?”
I shake my head hard, not wanting him to know I did hear them.
He lets go of my wrist but comes closer to me. He’s so much taller than me that I have to tilt my head way back to look at him. Using the same hand, he runs his fingers through the hair on top of my head, his head tilted to the side giving me a strange look.
“You know you can’t lie to me,” he says. “I know you heard.”
I try my best to be a big boy and blink my tears away, but I’m really scared and one falls down my cheek. He uses his thumb to wipe it away and then put his finger in his mouth. He gets down on his knees in front of me. Even like that, he’s still taller than me.
“You know I love you, Liam, don’t you?” he asks.
My lip begins to wobble, but I nod anyway. Trey loves me, Mom and Dad love me, the other adults love me, but if they truly did, would they really hurt me like they do?
He pulls me to him until we’re hugging. I put my arms around him because I worry he’ll get angry if I don’t. Something pokes me in the stomach and I try to wiggle away from it, but Trey’s arms are too tight around me. He groans in my ear, and I wonder if he’s hurt.
He puts his hands on my butt over my pajama bottoms. I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing he’d move them away. Instead he begins to rub my butt. Something wet touches my neck, and I realize it’s his tongue. He groans again and this time I know it’s not because he’s hurt.
“Next week, at The Gathering, I’ll be able to show you just how much I love you, little brother. I’ve waited a long time to show you.” His voice is deep and sends goosebumps over my skin.
“Release him, Trey,” Dad barks. I look up and find him and Mom standing behind Trey. “You’re getting what you wanted, but you’ll wait until next week. You know how it works. We reserve these things for The Gathering. That’s the only night that it’s not a sin.”
Trey kisses my neck before letting me go. He gets up and turns to face Dad, his eyes barely open as he looks at him angrily. Trey’s not a kid anymore. He’s nineteen, so he’s an adult and can do whatever he wants, but he still keeps quiet.
I’m grateful my dad stopped him, but it makes me sad. He only did because it wasn’t Hell Night and not because he cares.
Mom’s eyes keep flickering between all of us. She opens her mouth like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t.