Take Me To Bed: Bedtime Quickies Collection

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Brittany Crowley

An accidental dick pic walks into a bar... And it never looked so good.

1

What the hell?

How unlucky can one person be when it comes to love? Not just love, unlucky in the horizontal sense. I’d settle for some hot passionate sex. The kind that makes your toes curl, your back arch and fingers dig into the sheets because you can’t do anything but hold on for the ride. I’d kill to break some nails right about now.

For the past year it’s been a string of less than stellar experiences. Shitty dates, horrible romps in the sack and the worst streak of non-orgasms a person has ever seen. If there was a record for penetration with no…return, I’d be sitting in the Book of World Records.

Alright, so I sound like a slut, but in the pursuit to find the real deal I’ve had to kiss a lot of frogs, so to speak. Not all of them have had a chance to kiss me if you know what I mean.

Now buckle up, grab a glass of wine, and let me tell you about my night that took a turn for, dare I say the better…

It started out as any other Saturday night. I was with my girlfriends, getting ready at my apartment and enjoying a few cocktails, when my phone chirped. As I was laughing about something my friend was saying, I saw a text from an unknown number.

Think I can make you cum on my cock later?

Liquid spews from my mouth as I stare dumbfounded, and quite frankly a little shocked, from the crassness of the message. “What the hell?”

A minute later I realize I’m still staring at the message. My fingers fly across the screen saying they have the wrong number. I’m trying to pay attention and get back into the story with my girls when my phone goes off again.

You don’t have to play hard to get when I’ve already fucked you.

“No way,” I say staring at my phone.

“What? Who’s that?” My friend Sarah asks.

I start laughing. “It’s a wrong number and they’re trying to sext me. It figures the first time I get some dirty texts it’s by accident.”

“Let me see.” Sarah grabs my phone and her eyes bulge before a smirk morphs her lips. “We can have some fun with this.” Her fingers fly across the screen similar to mine a moment ago, but I’m sure she doesn’t have the same intent. It’s several minutes before she throws the phone back to me.

My eyes fly through the text thread in disbelief. “Sarah!” I yell on a laugh.

Are you already hard for me?

You know I am. Why don’t you get your sweet ass over here to help me with it?

Meet me later? I’m going out with friends.

Ditch them. You know I’ll make it worth your while.

Can’t. It’s girls’ night. But I might be persuaded into something after.

She put a freaking winky face and sweat begins to form in my pits when my eyes finally roam over the name of the bar we’re going to tonight. Is she crazy?

“No chance in hell am I going tonight. We have to go to another place. What if he’s a 75-year-old man? I can’t believe you didn’t feed him a lie.”

“Calm down, Carly, he doesn’t know who the hell you or any of us are. He thinks you’re someone else, remember?”

My phone chirps and I’m hesitant to look at it.

Here’s some motivation for later.

“Holy shit, he sent me a cock shot,” I gasp, tilting my head slightly to the left. Let me tell you, it’s a nice penis. If I were him, I’d post that bad boy all over the place. Walk around sans pants helicoptering that shit for all to see.