Always Wanting (Consumed)

Frustrated and pissed, I called Nathan and told him I couldn’t find anyone to take care of my problem. He was at Blackie’s thirty minutes later, picking me up and taking me home. Some people might find it weird to sleep with their best friend, or find it hard to keep feelings apart from the experience. Nathan and I, even Tegan and I, the few times I’ve slept with him, have never had that problem. We all love each other, but we’re not in love.

I pick up the next shot glass filled with whiskey and down it, before looking back at Nathan, who’s still waiting on my answer.

“I have no clue what it is about him, but I can’t get him out of my head,” I admit. “It’s stupid, huh? I just met him. Not to mention the fact it’s not like I can start a real relationship with him,” I finish bitterly. I may have accepted and embraced my sex addiction, but that doesn’t mean I don’t resent it sometimes.

Nathan gets up from his seat and moves to the one beside me that Ava was using until she decided to go dance. He slings his arm around the back of my seat, pulling me close. His spicy smell fills my nose. I look over at him and feel the pain in my stomach intensify. He really is one sexy man.

“It’s not stupid, Abs,” his deep voice rumbles. “It’s completely normal

to come across a guy you may want more with. You knew this might happen one day.”

He stops talking, but I see the wheels turning in his head, like he wants to say more, but isn’t sure if he should. A minute later, I realize why he was hesitant to continue.

“Maybe you should consider going back to the support group.”

My head is already shaking before he can finish his sentence. I have to steady myself when a wave of dizziness takes hold. Maybe I shouldn’t have had that last shot. I’m going to really regret this in the morning when I have to get up at seven to get ready for work. It’s still early, but a hangover is a hangover, and when you deal with a bunch of small children, it really, really sucks.

“No. We both know they don’t do shit for us.”

His eyes hold sympathy as he looks down at me. “Maybe it’ll work if you have the right motivation.”

“I doubt it. Besides, Blue is just some random guy that has me tied in knots at the moment. That doesn’t mean it could ever be anything serious. I don’t even know his last name.”

“Blue?” he asks.

I look away and reach for one of the empty shot glasses and twirl it around. “It’s what I call him.”

“Maverick.” Nathan says next, confusing me.

“What?”

“His last name. It’s Maverick,” he supplies. His eyes leave mine for a minute while he scans the room, before bringing them back to my baffled face.

“How do you know that?”

He shrugs and picks up his own shot, throwing it back. “He’s been to the building I do security for before. He’s some rich guy that owns his own company, and does business with the owner of Silver Technologies.”

I sit back in my seat and take in his words. I knew Blue had money, just from looking at him, but to own his own company?

“Have you kissed him?” Nathan says next, earning a scowl from me.

“Of course not. You know I don’t kiss the guys I sleep with.”

In seven years, the only guys I’ve kissed are Nathan and Tegan, and that’s only because I know it’s safe with them.

He nods, but continues to watch me curiously. I want to look away, but I force myself not to.

“But you wanted to,” he remarks finally, hitting the nail on the head.

“Maybe,” I admit reluctantly.

“What are you going to do?”

I sling the shot glass across the table, hitting one of the other ones, irritated that we’re even having this conversation. I was perfectly fine in my life, until Blue came along. He had to screw everything up. And what’s worse is, I don’t even really know him. He has no business being stuck in my head like he is.

I slide from my seat and turn to face Nathan.

“I don’t know.” I tell him the truth. I have not one fucking clue what I’m going to do. “What I do know is, I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be back.”