Always Wanting (Consumed)

“Blue—”

“Colt!”

I don’t know if she’s going to argue, but I don’t give her time before I’m lifting her, depositing her in the seat, and slamming the door. I walk around and climb in behind the wheel. When I look over at her, her arms are folded over her chest, and she has a cute pout that’s pulling down her lips. I reach over and grab her seatbelt. She watches as I buckle her in.

A smirk plays on my lips as she glares at me. She’s sexy as hell when she’s pissed. I want to take her again, but I refuse to do that until I get some answers.

I buckle myself in before starting the truck and peeling away from Blackie’s.

Chapter Six

Abby

I am such a coward, and a bitch.

I look behind me at the darkened living room as I silently slip through the front door, making sure to carefully close it behind me. I tiptoe down the sidewalk and scan my surroundings, like I’m afraid someone’s going to jump out at me. Once I make it to the street, I jog several blocks, until I’m reasonably sure no one is following me. I breathe a sigh of relief and whip out my phone to call Nathan to pick me up.

Yes, you guessed it. After we made it to Blue’s house, I managed to distract him away from my weird behavior with more sex. It didn’t take much. All I needed to do was drop to my knees and palm his cock with one hand, while I yanked down his pants with the other. He tried forcing me to stand, but when the tip of my tongue touched the head of his cock, he was a goner. I felt guilty afterwards. That’s the second time he’s tried pulling me away to talk, to find out what my issue was, but when the pain takes hold, the need to relieve that ache consumes me. I needed to make it go away.

While Blue was in the shower, after reluctantly rejecting his offer to join him, I snuck out like a chicken to avoid having the dreaded talk he demanded we have once he was finished. There was no way I was going to spill my problems out to him, and watch the revulsion that I was sure I’d see on his face. And I knew that was what would happen, it always does. People never understand what me and my friends go through, unless they have their own weird addiction or perversion. The thought of seeing disgust on Blue’s face sent me into a panic. I had to get out of there. I’m not sure I would be able to handle such rejection from him.

So, now, here I am. Standing in the dark, freezing my ass off, waiting for Nathan several blocks from Blue’s house. A cold wind blows, whipping my hair across my face. I push it back and shiver. Headlights appear down the street, and I step behind a tree, still not sure if Blue would follow me or not. I peek my head around the tree as the car slowly creeps its way down the street. When I notice the blue mustang from the street light, I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and step out. It crawls to a stop five feet from me, and I make my way to the passenger door.

Once I’m inside the warm car and buckled up, I look over to the silent man who’s watching me.

“Please don’t say anything,” I say with a ragged whisper.

“Just tell me if you’re okay.”

I nod and lean my head back against the headrest, looking out the window as Nathan starts to drive. I should have never got involved with Blue. I should have known right away when I felt the connection, that he was going to be nothing but trouble. I can’t afford to get attached to someone. Not with my lifestyle.

My stupid eyes water at the thought of never seeing him again, or never having had him in the first place. Or worse, seeing him again and not being able to touch him. It’s stupid to feel this way about a man I’ve just met. There’s no reasonable explanation for these feelings. You don’t develop feelings for people you don’t know anything about. This isn’t a romance novel, where the couple falls in love at first sight. This is real life, and it sucks.

I sit silently in my seat and stew over my self-made misery until we reach my apartment. I thank Nathan for the ride and climb from the car, not at all surprised when he gets out as well.

“You don’t need to walk me up,” I tell him, knowing it’s fruitless. He gives me a stern look, proving my thoughts right.

I turn and lean back against my apartment door once we reach it. Nathan’s worried eyes pin me in place. I’m not sure why I feel the emotion, but I drop my head in shame. Maybe it’s for my slutty behavior tonight. No wonder he called me a whore. Or maybe it’s because I skipped out on the one guy that’s made me feel more than anyone has before, after using his body for my own selfish needs. It could also be for thinking about Blue the entire time Nathan and I were having sex the night before. Guilt weighs heavily on me for that. I’m a firm believer in being in the moment with the person you’re with, not thinking of someone else. It’s disrespectful and insulting. Guilt also eats at me for dragging Nathan into my problems. He has enough of his own, and he doesn’t need to take on mine too.

/> I hang my head down, refusing to look at one of my closest friends. I know it’s all of those reasons. A finger appears in front of my face, before it’s being lifted to look at a pair of concerned black eyes.

“What happened tonight?”

I swallow thickly, not really wanting to talk about it, but knowing I owe him an explanation.

“Blue showed up when I was in the hallway with a guy. He didn’t like it and hit the guy a few times. After I calmed him down, we were leaving out the back way when the pain got worse. I pretty much forced him to have sex with me in the alley.”

Pain hits me square in the chest with my confession. I can’t believe I attacked him like that, and insisted he fuck me after he initially refused. I don’t see how he could look at me afterwards, let alone take me back home and fuck me again. When he caught me in the hallway with the unnamed man, I was just getting ready to push him away. I couldn’t follow through with my usual, casual hookup. I had to constantly force back the bile trying to force its way up my throat. I couldn’t stand the feeling of the guy’s hands on me. Then Blue came out of nowhere, like my constant thoughts of him made him appear. At first I was shocked to see him, then I was pleased, but when I saw the look on his face right before he smashed the guy’s face into the wall, a hint of fear replaced the shock and pleasure. He looked like he was ready to kill someone. I pushed the fear aside and grabbed his arm before he could do any real damage. The evil look he threw my way pissed me off. It reminded me of the look he gave me when he told me to start charging for my services. But then the anger gave way when the pain took hold. We needed to get out of there before it consumed me. We didn’t get far before I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like my insides were crushing in on themselves. I needed relief, and I needed it right then. Luckily, Blue was there, or I don’t know what I would have done.

Nathan steps closer to me and cups my cheeks. The look in his eyes almost brings tears to mine.

“Stop looking like your best friend just died, Abs,” he murmurs, swiping his thumbs down my cheeks. “He wouldn’t have taken you if he didn’t want you.”

I don’t believe that. Maybe his body wanted me, but that doesn’t mean his mind was there. It could have simply been a pity fuck. Lord knows, I must have looked pathetic enough for it.

Nathan sees my doubt and smiles sadly. “Babe, you’re beautiful. He’d be a fool not to want you. Not just his body, but every part of him. You don’t see how gorgeous you are on the inside, just as much as you are on the outside, but everyone else around you does—flaws and all. And if for some insane reason he didn’t, you wouldn’t let him get to you like he is.”

“He knows something’s wrong with me, and wants to talk about it. I snuck out while he was in the shower to avoid him.”