More tears trickle down her face before she wipes them away. “Then why?”
“Because I couldn’t—”
I’m interrupted when Hayes’ voice sounds over the speaker. I don’t know if what I was about to say would sway Poppy, but I obviously can’t tell her now. I know she’ll have more questions once I tell her why I didn’t come to her in the first place, and I don’t have time. I clench my jaw, pushing back the urge to put my fist through something at the interruption.
There’s a knock at the door before Devin’s muffled voice can be heard. “Sir, we need you both to take your seats.”
I get up from the floor and hold my hand out to Poppy, desperately hoping she’ll take it. It’ll mean I haven’t totally lost her yet. My heart sinks when she just looks at it. Instead, she stands on her own and takes a step away from me.
Letting out a painful breath, I walk to the door and hold it open for her. “Ladies first,” I mutter dejectedly.
She holds her head high as she walks to her seat and buckles herself in. Even knowing I’ve had my fill of whiskey today, I still stop at the small bar, pour myself a shot, and down it before taking my own seat. It doesn’t take us long before we’re touching down. Out my window, I see Benjamin waiting for us by the car. As we make our way off the plane, he walks over and grabs our bags to deposit them into the trunk. It’s a thirty-minute drive to Poppy’s place, so I’m hoping I’ll have the opportunity to talk to her during the car ride. My hopes are dashed when I slide in behind her and see her pulling out a pair of earbuds and slipping them in her ears.
I release a tired sigh. The silence between us is slowly destroying me. I’m trying my hardest to give her time, but being so close to her and not being able to touch or talk to her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
All too soon, we pull up to Poppy’s house. I don’t get out of the
car and she doesn’t remove her earbuds. We both just sit in silence, with me looking at her and her looking forward. Tired of her ignoring me, I pull one earbud from her ear. She still doesn’t look at me.
“Poppy,” I say softly, trying to draw her attention to me. “I’d like to explain.”
“It doesn’t matter, Asher,” she says with a hint of attitude. “There’s nothing you can say that will make what you did better. I thought maybe it would… no, I prayed it would, but in the end it won’t change anything. You lied to me, tricked me, and spied on me. You took away my privacy, broke into my house, manipulated my life.”
“You’re right.” I turn to face her. “I did those things, but there’s a reason why I didn’t come to you. If you’ll just let me—”
She holds her hand up to stop me from continuing. I hold my tongue and bite back a pathetic groan at the look in her eyes when she finally looks at me. When I wanted her to fall for me, I never realized how hurt she would be when the truth finally came out. That pain is plain to see right now and it triples my own.
“Just stop,” she pleads. “Let me go. You’ve already caused enough damage. I can’t take much more.”
It’s the devastation in her voice that has me holding back from forcing the issue. I’m not giving up by no means—that will never happen—but I will retreat and wait for another day to finish this conversation. I nod and push my door open. Benjamin is already at the trunk, setting Poppy’s luggage on the sidewalk. She follows behind me as I carry her stuff to her front door. I can tell from her rigid body she’d rather carry her own stuff, but that shit’s not happening.
After unlocking the door, she turns to block me from entering. “I’ve got it from here.”
I’ve seen her house during the day before, but it’s weird being here now, especially with her standing in front of me. I’ve waited months to be welcome here as Asher. I wish I was welcome now, but I know that’s not the case, and if it was up to Poppy, I’ll never be welcome.
I set her bags beside the door and turn to face her. “Wyatt will be here tomorrow to pick up the cameras and tracking device. I’ll have him call you when he’s on his way.”
“Okay.” She keeps her eyes pinned over my shoulder.
I shift closer to her and her eyes raise to mine. Something flares in their depths, and I take a chance and step closer. Her back meets the door when she retreats. I ignore the panic I see enter her eyes and focus instead on the small flash of longing she tries to hide. It’s so deeply hidden that it’s hard to see, but I saw it.
I put my hands on either side of her head on the door and lean toward her. Her eyes grow wide with uncertainty and her breath hitches slightly.
“What are you doing?” she asks. Desire, fear, and anger swirl in her eyes. The fear is what hurts the most.
“I’m going to leave. I’ll give you what you need and give you time, but I’m not giving you up. You’re still mine, Poppy, just as Sterling told you over and over again.”
“Sterling isn’t real,” she says, a hard edge to her tone.
I remove my hands from the door and dig my fingers into her hair with my palms resting against her cheeks. She tries to pull away, but I don’t allow it. I hold her in place and lay my forehead against hers.
“Sterling is very real,” I breathe, my lips only centimeters from hers. “He’s more real than you realize.”
Her eyes fall closed when she says forcefully, “You’re wasting your time. I can’t be with someone that lies to me. You scare me. I have no idea what you’re capable of.”
I kiss her forehead and murmur, “I’m capable of a lot of things, Beautiful, but harming you will never be one of them.” It may be a mistake, but I tell her one more thing. Something I’ve felt from the moment I saw her and has grown every single day since then. “I love you.”
I hear her muffled sob, but before she has the chance to respond, I release her and take a step back. The sadness is back in her eyes. The tears she’s trying so hard to hold back almost has me going back to her. Leaving her is the last thing I want to do, but it’s what she needs right now. I spotted Rex’s two men sitting in a car one house down when we pulled up, so I know she won’t be alone.