Hearing his sigh of frustration and taking my chance to escape him, I throw the covers off and fumble in the darkness until I find my robe lying on the end of the bed. Luckily, Theo doesn’t try to stop me.
I stuff my arms inside and tie the sash around my waist as I tell Aria, “Your daddy’s not feeling well tonight, Aria. Why don’t I come tuck you back in the bed? You can see your daddy in the morning.”
I’m proud of myself when I manage to keep my frightened emotions out of my voice.
“Okay,” she says dejectedly.
I feel Theo’s eyes on me in the darkness as I walk toward the door where Aria is standing.
“Good night, Daddy. I love you.”
At first he doesn’t say anything, and anger spikes. Just as I make it to her and grab her hand, he says quietly, “Good night. Love you.”
I can hear the anger in his voice, and I’m grateful when Aria doesn’t pick up on it.
I wipe my eyes as I lead her back to her bedroom. When she crawls into bed, I make a split-second decision and slide in beside her. I’m not using Aria as my shield because I know Theo won’t come in here. I just need a few moments to hide before I go out to the couch in the living room. There’s no way I’m getting in that bed with him again.
“Is this okay?” I ask Aria.
When she snuggles against me, I know it is. “Uh-huh,” she mumbles sleepily, already drifting back to sleep.
I wrap my arm around her and pull her small body closer to mine. Kissing the top of her head, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I lie there and think about what I should do, knowing deep inside there’s no way I can stay here, but also knowing my options are very limited.
I only mean to stay a few minutes, just enough to calm my nerves, but it’s not long before sleep claims m
e.
WHEN I WALK IN THE door from standing with Aria at her bus stop, something I’ve been doing since my first week living here, I spot Theo standing from the couch. His eyes carry remorse and shame. But I’m past caring about his guilt. He’s a grown man and knew what he was doing last night was wrong.
I avoid his eyes and walk to the kitchen. My hands shake as I fill a mug with the coffee Theo must have made while I was gone. Fear slides down my spine when I feel him enter the room. He scares me and being alone with him makes it worse.
Feeling his heat at my back, I stiffen and step away from him.
“I’m sorry, Jules,” he says softly.
I ignore him and scoop some sugar in my coffee, then creamer, before stirring the contents. Hearing his sigh, I turn around to face him. I lean back against the counter, cross my arms, and rest my mug on top of my arm, letting the heat warm my chilled hand.
He’s standing a few feet from me. Sensing my mood, he keeps the distance between us. I notice his hands are balled into fists at his sides and the tightening of his jaw.
“I don’t know what came over me last night. When you started moaning in your sleep, I thought you wanted me to touch you.” He keeps his voice low. “I never meant to hurt you, Jules. I never wanted to hurt you.”
Guilt tries to claw its way inside me, because I was moaning in my sleep, so to him, I was enjoying it. But the moment I said no, he should have stopped. It doesn’t matter if my body responded to his while I was sleeping. The point is, I didn’t enjoy it when I woke up, and he continued anyway.
I wasn’t even thinking about him in my dream, and that thought brings on another round of guilt, even if I had no control over it.
“I told you to stop,” I remind him shakily.
“I know.” His head drops, and I watch as he takes deep breaths before lifting his head again. “I should have stopped when I realized you weren’t into it. My only excuse is I was overwhelmed with needing you.”
“That’s no excuse, Theo.”
“I know, damn it!” he yells, roughly running his fingers through his hair. I flinch at his outburst and press back further against the counter. “But I just… couldn’t. I wanted you so fucking badly.”
We stare at each other, his eyes flashing numerous emotions so fast I don’t have time to identify each one before they settle on irritation.
“I said I’m sorry, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod and blank my expression, hoping it’ll appease him. A minute later, he gives me a nod back.