I wait for some silent explanation as to why Liam would bring her there, of all places, but he breaks eye contact with me to stare at the floor.
“And when Lee Lee took me to the playground, I thought for sure we were done,” Corah continues. “I followed him out of the car, practically tripping over my feet because my eyes were blurry with tears. And you know what he said to me?”
“What?” Please tell me, because I can’t fathom why he would taint what’s ours with this trash.
Corah looks up at Liam, doe-eyed, and smiles. “He said it was on the playground that he first fell in love.”
Her voice fades into the background. My pulse thunders through my body with loud, almost deafening thrums. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to run and jump into his arms but I can’t do that because no one knows about Liam and me. We chose to keep our unorthodox relationship a secret so high school doesn’t ruin it. Things between us aren’t ideal and, to keep appearances, Liam has to date. I could see other people too, but it’s easier if I don’t.
I chew on the inside of my cheek and silently plead to the universe for Liam to look at me. He needs to understand that I love him too. I don’t care if it took three years of secretly pining after him and another five years of him sneaking through my window late at night for us to get here, but his gaze is glued to the ground.
“That’s why Liam took me there, because that silly playground was where he found his first love, and he thinks I might be his last.” Corah clasps her hands over her heart, feigning happy tears.
Dark spots cloud my vision but, at the moment, they
are better than tears because my internal compass is spinning in circles and I’m a ball of emotions. I want to scream. I want to yank Corah by the hair out of Liam’s arms and then, of course, I want to cry.
Somehow I manage to force it all down—the humiliation, the self-pity, the tears, and most of all, the anger— and make myself smile again.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Corah beams.
No. I highly doubt she does. If she did, she wouldn’t be hanging on the arm of the man I love. Gloating. She would be running, because the things I want to do to her, to both of them, aren’t legal in fifty states.
“It wasn’t a big, fancy promposal, but I didn’t need anything glamorous. The way Lee Lee asked, it came from the heart and that’s what matters most.” Corah snuggles into Liam’s side and looks up at him like the sun rises and sets because he exists.
I know it does in my world. I shiver, feeling a chill as the actual sun dips behind a cloud. Ironic considering we’re inside and its rays barely shine through a nearby window. Still, I feel the darkness nonetheless.
“You must have been thrilled.” I force the words out, dying a little with each syllable.
Liam finally lifts his emerald gaze to meet mine. There’s no remorse in his expression. No regret for breaking my heart into unmendable pieces. What I find is worse.
Pity.
The bell rings and, for once, I couldn’t be more grateful there are only two and a half minutes between classes. If I have to stand here any longer pretending to be happy for these two, I might crack.
“We should go,” Liam says, leading both him and Corah towards A-hall. The same hallway I should be going to, but I can’t seem to make my feet move. I can’t bring myself to walk behind them and watch their happiness. Their circle of friends follow like peasants, eager for the attention of the king and his new queen. A few steps down the hallway, Liam looks over his shoulder at me. “See you tonight.”
“Are you okay?” Maggie asks once Liam has turned down the hallway. Her hand reaches out and I watch her fingers touch my arm. I feel nothing. My mind is too busy keeping my head above the swell of tears and holding onto a smile to process anything else.
“Yeah.” I don’t sound like myself. My voice is strained, cracking with emotion while coming out an octave higher than normal. “I just need a minute.”
Maggie’s perfectly plucked eyebrows knit together. Everything she wants to say is written on her face.
Don’t let that jerk get to you. He never deserved your heart. You’ll get through this. Everything will be okay.
But she keeps it all to herself. “Alright. I have my extra credit thing with Mr. Alverson today, but I’ll try to be done in time for lunch.” She pauses, studying me a little longer. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nod, my lips stretched tight across my face. The smile couldn’t be faker, but Maggie doesn’t press the issue.
After what feels like an eternity, she sighs and says, “Okay, sweetie. I’ll see you later, but text me if you need me.”
“Will do.”
The moment she rounds the corner of B-hall, the dam of tears I was holding together with scotch tape and band-aids cracks. The world around me blurs into starbursts of light as liquid pain trails down my cheeks.
I run into the nearest bathroom and press my back against the wall. I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing myself to take slow, steady breaths—a tactic my therapist taught me back in middle school when my social phobia controlled my life. Deep breath in. And let it out. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. It takes a few cycles for the pressure in my chest to decrease and the waterworks to dry up, but eventually I start to feel better.
A toilet flushes in a nearby stall and the nervous needles under my skin spring back to life. I can’t bring myself to look at who is here and see either a smug smile or a look of pity from someone who thinks they know what has happened. I keep my eyes closed, using eight-year-old logic of, if I can’t see you, you can’t see me. I know that’s not how the world works, but it makes me feel better.