“Elaine.” Mr. Fitzpatrick frowns. “You have been through a traumatic event. It’s important to open up and not hold onto any negative feelings you may have.”
“What negative feelings do you think I’m harboring?” Because the only ones on the forefront right now are annoyance and impatience.
“Depression for being dumped," he implies.
“I was not dumped!” It’s hard not to yell at Mr. Fitzpatrick. For one, my relationship statuses none of his concern. But also, being dumped, as he so eloquently put it, is only the tip of my iceberg. I grab my backpack and stand. “I’m done here.”
“Sit down, Miss Walker,” he demands. “You’re not excused.”
“What are you going to do? Send me home?” I wait for a witty response, but Mr. Fitzpatrick doesn’t say anything. I knew he wouldn’t. Like I said, he’s useless.
“You’re here!” Liam jumps off of the table he’s sitting on in the cafeteria and pulls me into his arms. My body stiffens under his touch. We have never hugged in public and he is holding onto me like I was the one who died. The past four years, all I wanted was for Liam to look at me like he is, with adoration in his eyes. To greet me in public like I mean something to him. To make me an important part of his world, not just the girl he grew up with.
Liam just did all of those things.
The plan with Asher worked better than I could have hoped, but I don’t feel the same way anymore. Being with Asher tilted my world on its axis, and now all I want is for things with Liam to go back to how they used to be. Minus the secret hookups.
He drops one arm but keeps the other around my shoulder as we walk to what used to be my table. “I didn’t see your car out front.”
It feels wrong to be so close to Liam when my mind is on Asher. I know that I am not doing anything wrong, but it feels like cheating. “Maggie drove me.”
“Oh.” Liam laughs at himself. Why? I’m not sure because I haven’t done anything funny. “How about I give you a ride home then?”
I wiggle out of Liam‘s hold and sit at the edge of the table in the cafeteria I never planned to eat at today, let alone come into this damn room. I would rather curl into a ball and hide, but Maggie knows how to make me feel better. Besides, the only place to disappear to this time of day is in the girl's bathroom, and that sounds worse than braving the masses.
Liam hops on the tabletop beside me, his feet resting next to my legs. He talks excitedly, his hands moving with each word I’ve tuned out. My gaze drifts to the table across the cafeteria, the one Asher and I used to sit at.
My stomach churns, not from hunger but from a memory. I have no food in front of me. The thought of eating anything more today makes me want to puke, but Asher would have noticed. Even if he didn’t have the money to spare, he would have bought me something. He did buy me something. He made it a point to put me first, even knowing that piece of shit stepfather of his would give him hell for it later.
I glance up at Liam. He’s smiling, excited about whatever he
’s rambling about. I force my lips to tilt up and return the gesture, but I’m dying inside. Liam either doesn’t notice that I’m not eating or doesn’t care. I realize he’s never paid attention to me the way Asher did, and that makes me sad for completely different reasons.
“What do you say?” Liam asks.
“About what?”
A wrinkle of frustration appears between Liam’s brows, but then he hides it with another over the top smile. “After school. You. Me. Mini golf then ice cream at the place by the beach you like so much.” He laughs and runs a hand through his hair. He cut it, reshaping the style I learned to love. “You’re so cute when you’re lost in thought.”
“I…” This sounds like a date and that is literally the last thing I want right now.
“Move,” Maggie demands, her hands on her hips. Her timing couldn’t be better. My heart is broken. Shattered into a million pieces that are crushed into oblivion with each day Asher is behind bars. Even if I were still into Liam, there would be nothing left for me to love him with.
Liam’s smile falls. “Piss off, Magdalen. I was here first.”
Maggie smirks then looks at me. “Ellie.”
She uses Asher's nickname for me and tears pool behind my lashes. No one has called me Ellie in almost two weeks. I miss the way my name sounds rolling off his lips. I miss how he always smelled like the beach, even if I never knew why. I miss how he found innocent ways to touch me throughout the day.
I.
Miss.
Asher.
“Is this jerk bothering you?” Maggie asks me. I laugh because she is one hundred percent serious about Liam being a jerk and he thinks she’s joking.
“Her name is Lainey,” Liam growls. “Why the hell are you still letting people call you that? Asher is gone. It’s time for things to go back to how they were before he fucked everything up.”