Unexpected

“See.” Maggie arches her eyebrows. “Jerk.”

I shake my head, too numb to buy into their banter, but the fact that Liam is willing to throw Asher away doesn’t sit right with me. For the first time since losing him, I feel something. A fire that should scare Liam and everyone around us because I’m not sure I can control it. “He’s not gone, Liam. He’s just...away.”

Liam huffs out a hearty laugh. “He’s in jail, Lainey, and he’s probably going to stay there. For life. The sooner you get that through your head, the better off we’ll be.”

I ball my fist at my sides and fight the inferno building inside me. I try my hardest to keep my voice stoic, but it has an edge that makes Maggie smirk. “You don’t know what’s going to happen to him. You weren’t there when his mom died.”

“And you shouldn’t have been either!” Liam hops off the table and stands over me. He’s asserting dominance. When I cared about keeping him happy, this move would have swung the conversation into a fit of apologies and graveling. Too bad for him, I don’t care what he thinks anymore.

“Why?” I raise my voice a little louder. “Why shouldn’t I have been there?”

“He’s not who you think he is, Lainey.”

“He’s exactly who I think he is!” I stand. Liam may still be a head taller than me, but we are equal in this conversation. I won't be railroaded into thinking Asher is anything less than the great man he is.

“Yeah? And who is that?”

“He’s the man who took your place in my heart. My other best friend. And...” I pause, chewing on my cheek as I debate whether or not to spill the secret that isn’t mine. Fuck it. Asher pushed me away. Liam is being a dick. What does it matter if they get hurt? “And your half-brother.”

“Come again?” Maggie asks in disbelief. I fight a smirk because I remember how I felt when Asher told me for the first time. Shocked. In disbelief. And eventually, I accepted it.

“Of course he would tell you. That asshole never could control himself when you were involved.” Liam turns and kicks a nearby trash can.

“Hey!” one of the cafeteria monitors yell, but we both know she isn’t going to do anything.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You, Lainey. It was always you.” Liam guffaws and runs a hand through his hair. “I can’t tell you how many fights Asher and I got into because of you. Because he didn’t like our relationship.”

“I thought you said we never had one,” I mumble, my arms crossing over my chest.

“Whatever, semantics.”

“Not semantics,” Maggie shouts. “You are such a jerk, Liam.” She stands and shoves him in the chest. “Ellie put everything on the back burner for you, including her pride.” She shoves him again; this time he takes a step back. “She has always been there.” She pushes him again and they take another step. “She waited years for you to notice her.” Shove. “And it wasn’t until Asher stepped in that she was finally happy.” Maggie pushes Liam again but he has nowhere to go. She’s backed him into a pillar and it feels like everyone is watching. “You don’t get to downplay how much you hurt my best friend because it makes you feel better.”

“Maggie.” Russell puts his hand on his girlfriend's arm. She looks at Liam one more time, shakes her head, then lets Russell hold her. I knew she didn’t like the unorthodox relationship Liam and I had, but I never knew it bothered her this much.

“What Lainey and I do isn’t anyone’s business but hers and mine!” Liam yells, and I’m certain people are watching us now. “You got that?”

I take a breath and hold it in my lungs. One. Two. Three. Then let it out. I thought I would feel better telling his secret. I thought the fire inside me would ignite and spring more emotions back to life. In a way, it did. More sorrow. My anger is gone and now I just feel bad for everyone.

“Liam.” I step closer to him and he looks at me, his guard up, like he thinks I’ll attack. I extend my arms out and his lips twitch with a sad smile. I hold him, resting my cheek against his chest, and shut out the world around us. It’s nice to be in someone’s arms again, but it’s not the same. With Asher, my whole body tingles, and I never want to leave. With Liam, it’s just a hug.

“I missed this, Lainey,” he says, his voice raw with emotion.

My heart sinks into my chest because I miss us, but not this per se. “Liam.” I look up into his green eyes, wondering how I ever thought they were better than Asher’s. “I don’t need a boyfriend or a secret lover, or anything with strings. I need a friend because I am hurt. Everything hurts and I don’t know why.”

I pause to gauge his reaction. His brows knit together as he processes my words and then he frowns. “Physical hurt or heart hurt?”

“Heart hurt, but it’s so strong even the littlest things are hard to do.” I close my eyes and press my forehead into his chest. My middle school therapist would probably call this depression. My mom would call these dramatics. Me? I call it a broken heart. A pain that one day I know I’ll get over, logic tells me so, but right now it’s excruciating. “I need you to be my friend again. Can you do that?”

I look up at Liam and he smiles, but his eyes are sad. He dips his head, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Yeah, Lainey. I’m sorry. Whatever you need.”

Dear Asher,

I don’t know how I’ve managed, but I’ve gone three weeks without hearing your voice. Three weeks without your touch. I wish you’d write me back. I know you’re getting my letters. Dad hand delivers them. At least, he says he does. Just to be sure, I mailed this one. I hope you don’t get too much grief for the pink paper. I thought it might stand out. I even added blank paper for you to write me back. I wanted to include a pencil but Maggie said it could be considered a weapon.

I miss you.