I Love You, I Hate You: Part 1

I shrug and play it cool, pretending like I’m not losing sleep over what's happening next door. “No reason. Logan just hasn’t been home much lately.”

“You little slut!” Melody yells, stomping over to the table and throwing her soda in my face.

“What the hell, Melody?” Sarah shrieks, grabbing everyone’s napkins from the table. She hands me one and I wipe my face while she dabs my chest. We seem to realize, at the same time, that our efforts are useless and toss the soggy napkins on the table.

“How did you do it?” Melody demands.

“I’ll be right back,” Sarah says, leaving me to defend myself. “I think I have an extra jacket in my locker you can borrow to cover up with.”

The thought is nice, but Sarah is half my size and has mosquito-bite-boobs. There’s no way in hell I’ll be able to get her jacket on and zipped. I cross my sticky arms over my now see-through shirt and glare at Melody. “Do. What?”

“Logan!” She screeches, slamming her hands on the table. “He broke up with me and it’s all your fault.”

I fight the grin forming and settle on a bitchy smirk. Even though Logan’s avoiding me, for reasons I can’t fathom, he’s still thinking about our conversation from the other night and that makes my stomach flutter. “Did you honestly expect things to last between you two? I mean really.”

I reach across the table and steal a tater tot from Rachel’s tray. She looks at me, wide-eyed, as I eat it. I know the potato puff has probably been fried in the same oil as today’s chicken sandwiches and isn't completely vegan but watching the shock play on both their faces is worth every microscopic animal particle. “You’re obviously not satisfying Logan if he’s seeking pleasure from everyone but you.”

“I’m gonna kill you!” Melody screams, lunging across the table at me, claws out. Her hands find my chest and shove me backwards, off of the bench. Pain radiates up my spine as my back hits the shellacked wood floor of the cafeteria. I raise my arms, covering my face from her pathetic attempt at a fight.

People gather around us, toes of colorful heels and brown shoes the only thing I see beside me. Melody slaps at my head, occasionally scratching me with her lilac acrylic claws. They hurt but don’t break skin.

I’m down for only a few moments when the attacks begin to lose momentum. I grab Melody’s right arm and shove it into her stomach, then use my other hand to grip the side of her shirt. I shift my weight faster than she can comprehend and roll on top. My fist finds her face, as she shrieks again.

People around us laugh and I notice a strange smell. I leap up, realizing Melody’s pissed herself and jump back. This is the kind of humiliation you don’t recover from. I feel bad, but the bitch shouldn’t start what she can’t finish.

The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge and I whirl around, looking for the cause. I catch a glimpse of dark hair near the corner of the cafeteria. I immediately know it's him and push my way through the circle of people around me.

“Logan!” I shout, but he’s gone so fast I wonder if I truly saw him.

On Wednesday Cooper comes back to school, which is concerning because he looks as bad if not worse than he did on Monday. We sit together at lunch. For the most part, we don’t talk. But eventually he opens up and says that Piper is okay and fingers crossed will be back to school on Friday.

Wednesday is also the first time I see Logan. He’s at his usual lunch table, glaring the whole time I’m with Cooper. I want nothing more than to strut across the cafeteria and force him to speak to me, but Logan is prideful. Having just publicly broken up with Melody, I doubt he’ll take my demands lightly. I take a breath and force myself to be patient. Logan can’t ignore me forever.

I won’t let him.

13

Logan

I hate hospitals. They smell of blood and chemicals. But for Piper I’ll put aside my own issues and be the brother she needs because today we’re bringing her home. All three of us—Mom, Cooper, and me—united to show her we’re family, and we’ve got her back.

Tomorrow she’ll attempt to resume a normal life: back to school, working a few nights with Cooper at the Red Onion, and maybe even a party or two if Cooper will let her. It’ll be hard to pretend like nothing happened in front of everyone. Piper will put a fake face on and get through it because she has no other option.

I unlock my car and turn my gaze to the white BMW pulling into Danika’s driveway. A chill slithers down my spine, it’s eerily similar to someone else’s I used to know. My feet stick to the ground as the man gets out of his car. I try to inhale, but the pressure in my chest increases.

My mind has done this to me a million times over, but that doesn’t make seeing him feel any less real. Grey eyes meet mine and the man gives a two finger salute, like we’re old friends. I don’t return the gesture, physically can’t, even though I want nothing more than to flip him the bird. It’s not until he’s disappeared inside the Winters house that my feet find the will to move.

I should get in the car. I should drive to the hospital. I’m supposed to be there in twenty minutes and be supportive to my sister. She’s going through so much more than I am right now.

Instead, I run into the house. My stomach lurches into my throat and I barely make it to the kitchen trash can in time before yellow acid expels itself.

“Fuck,” I whisper, closing my eyes, hoping to wipe that smug smile from my brain. But all I see are memories. Feel the nonexistent hand on my shoulder squeeze, lingering longer than necessary. My stomach churns again, but there’s nothing left. I dry heave over the trash can again for five minutes then

sag onto the floor.

This can’t be happening. Not again.

My gaze follows Danika as she bypasses Sarah and heads straight for Piper’s table. Rumors about where Piper has been have floated around since she got back. Most people think she was in rehab for a drug overdose while others assumed she was hooking on a street corner. If only they realized how much worse the truth was.