I Love You, I Hate You: Part 1

Reaching my first class, I force myself out of Logan’s arms. Having him as my personal security blanket has been a godsend. If only I could hide in his embrace all day.

I look through the windowpane in the metal door of classroom 1C. My classmates laugh and talk like everything that went down Saturday never happened. I grasp onto the sliver of hope that those jerkfaces kept their mouths shut, but I’m not holding my breath.

Logan presses his lips to my temple and whispers, “You don’t have any classes with them this morning. It’ll be okay.” I nod against his mouth and he continues, “I’ll be here waiting for you when class gets out.”

The first bell rings and Logan leaves me, turning down the hallway. I knew he’d eventually have to go, but I didn't expect my anxiety to skyrocket once he did.

I walk through the row of desks, head down, and take a seat all the way in the back. Outside of a few curious glances, no one says anything to or about me which is a relief but that doesn’t mean people aren’t talking. I saw how fast rumors spread about Piper. I’m not out of the woods yet.

As promised when class ends Logan stands in the hallway, waiting. He puts his arm around my shoulder again, attracting more looks than I’ve had all morning. Although, that was his plan. Take everyone’s eyes off me. I guess it would have worked better if we weren’t attached at the hip, but I’ll take the curious stares if it means feeling safe.

I survive my next two classes because of Logan. He’s thought of everything. Dad provided medical excuses, requiring both of us to sit out at PE all week, which Logan hand delivered to Coach Riley. Being the dick that he is, Coach pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and called my dad. Just to verify the notes were real.

They were.

As for Biology, Logan had a note for that class too. Apparently, there was a death in my family, so I did not complete the weekend reading and was not ready for today’s quiz. I spent the class period silently reading the chapters while everyone else tested.

Walking out of class, I don’t have to search for Logan. I don’t know how he does it, but he’s always at my door, waiting for the bell to ring. Waiting for me.

I smile, feeling a little more like myself, taking my place under his arm. For a split second I forget what’s next in my schedule. I feel like a girl should in the arms of the guy she’s crushing on. Happy.

That bubble bursts as soon as I see the double doors leading into the cafeteria. The veil of darkness that had just begun to lift falls over me again. I think I’m going to be sick.

“Do you want to go through the line and get food?” he asks as we approach the cafeteria.

I shake my head, my stomach in knots because I’m officially out of time. I have to face Melody and Gunner. I have two options: pretend nothing happened or call them out, which could either lead to a fight or an emotional breakdown. All of my options suck.

My feet are heavy. Each step is a struggle as Logan puts his hand on my lower back and guides me into the cafeteria. At this point, blending in with the crowd at the door, I’m probably imagining the eyes on me. Real or not, I feel them and don’t like the attention. I shove my hands into the hoodie’s pocket and clench my fist until the ache from my nails alleviates the ache in my chest.

I hold my breath as we draw nearer. Melody smirks, whispering something in Gunner’s ear, eliciting a laugh from him. Gunner sits on the table, tapping his thumbs against his phone, actively avoiding me. At this point, in their eyes, I don’t exist.

I’m okay with that.

Logan passes our usual table and makes a beeline to Piper’s, which is disconcerting. I’m pretty sure everyone, who hadn’t noticed me before, is staring now because sitting with Piper is the equivalent of committing social suicide. If you’re not a Harris, you just don’t do it

I’m doing it.

“How are you holding up?” Cooper asks.

While I don’t eat meat, I still appreciate the smell of good food. Cooper’s shepherd’s pie smells halfway appealing, which makes me realize I should probably eat something. All I’ve had the last twenty-four hours is a slice of toast, but I can’t eat. I think I’ll be sick if I do. “I don’t know. I expected to be tormented about what went down this weekend, but everyone’s been eerily quiet.”

“I’ll be right back,” Logan says, leaving me at the table with Cooper and Piper. The nervous flipping in my gut amplifies but not to the extent it was this morning. Logan wouldn’t have left if I wasn’t in good hands.

“You’re fucking dead!” I hear Logan shout as something knocks a trash can over. More like someone.

“Shit,” Cooper mutters, jumping up. I spin in my seat and search the room for Logan. Following Cooper with my gaze, it doesn’t take me long to find him standing by our old table.

Gunner climbs to his feet and wipes the blood leaking from his lip with his thumb. The whole cafeteria has gone silent, watching the interaction. Even the cafeteria monitors seem to be in shock. People aren’t used to seeing Logan fight. Not on campus.

Gunner looks over at me and winks.

Acid climbs my throat. I cover my mouth, willing it to stay down while ignoring the burn.

Cooper—yes, Cooper— snaps, lunging forward and hitting Gunner so hard the crack of his jaw echoes in the cafeteria. There’s a collective gasp, breaking the silence in the room. He steps forward, standing over a groaning Gunner and says, “Don’t even fucking think of looking at Danika again.”

“Mr. Harris!” Principal White shouts. “In my office. Now!” He huffs adding, “Mr. Wells, go to the nurse. You’re bleeding all over my floor.”

Logan kicks the trashcan hard enough to leave a dent and storms out of the cafeteria. I groan and fold my arms on the table, then lay my head down.