I Love You, I Hate You: Part 2

What happened to the hate I felt for years because Logan was too much of a coward to take responsibility when I got pregnant?

What happened to the frustration because he never asked what I did with our baby? Not once in any of the million messages he left me, nor during the day I gave him to talk after I left. He never cared and never will.

A little bit of fury comes back and I hold onto it. I stand up straighter and roll my shoulders back. I feel like shit. My head still hurts, the whole hair of the dog, drinking to feel better thing is bullshit. My calves ache and the butterflies in my stomach are fighting a wave of nausea. All of which Logan doesn’t need to know. “After today, you’re my brother. Is that weird?”

The corner of his lip lifts into that classic crooked smile. “No offense, Dani, but you will never be my sister.”

I look down at my hands and laugh. I missed his face. Somehow, in all the time we were a couple, I never took a picture of Logan and I together. I guess when we were happy, it didn’t occur to me that we would break up. I certainly never planned to walk away from him.

“Well you two look...awkward.” Piper hobbles towards us, her big belly making it difficult to walk.

“And you look like a blimp,” Logan teases, leaning in to give his sister a hug. I’m glad their relationship mended over the years. Things used to be tense between them, but you’d never know it now.

“I feel like one.” Piper pulls back and holds her hand out to me. “Mind if I steal Danika for a sec?”

“I want her back.” Logan winks, stepping back towards the pool.

I’m not his to claim anymore, but the argument isn’t worth the wasted breath. I wait until Logan’s far enough up the deck that he can’t hear us before I ask, “How many more weeks do you have?”

“Two,” Piper huffs, resting her hands on her belly. She looks down at her bump adoringly, probably imagining what life will be like when the baby finally makes its appearance. “And it can’t come soon enough. Were you this uncomfortable?”

I smile because I remember that feeling. The too huge to function, want this baby out, but love it so much it needs to stay cooking for as

long as possible feeling. “I never made it past thirty-four weeks, but the answer is yes.”

Piper is the only one in the Harris household besides Logan to know I was pregnant. She was also the only person to bug me after I left about the baby. Eventually, I confessed I was keeping her, but made Piper promise not to say anything. She kept my secret and we’ve made it a point to check on each other every couple of months since.

“I wish you would have brought her.”

I roll my eyes. “Because no one would ask questions if I showed up with a four-year-old.”

“Three!” Piper points her finger at me. “Molly still has a few more weeks. I’m not ready for her to be four yet.”

“You and me both.” I laugh and Piper does too. Moments like this make me miss home, but I can never come back without everyone asking a million questions. Even if I did, Piper travels with Rex. I wouldn’t have her in my corner. “Did you pick a name? You guys were stuck between a couple last time we talked.”

Piper nods and rubs her belly. “Liam James.”

“I love it.”

“Are you doing okay? I was hoping to catch you at the rehearsal last night but you never came.”

I turn and rest my elbows on the banister behind me. My gaze finds Logan almost instantly. He’s with my dad, laughing like they’re old friends. Would they have gotten along so well if we never broke up? Or would Dad pretend to hate Logan because I’m his baby and dads are supposed to hate the boyfriend?

“I’m confused. I thought I could handle seeing Logan again, but I have all these feelings I don’t know what to do with and I’m freaking out.” It feels good to let out what I’m going through. I thought having a room next to Sarah would give me an escape and someone to talk to, but from the looks of her room, she hasn’t been in it since check in.

Piper chews on her bottom lip then sighs. “I have a suggestion, but you’re not gonna like it.”

“What?”

“Fuck him.”

Heat climbs my neck to my cheeks. I shake my head, stunned she would even suggest that. “Nuh-uh. No way.”

“Think about it.” Piper shifts, probably because baby Liam moved in her big belly, trying to get comfortable again. “You left with a lot of unresolved feelings. They’re bubbling up because you never dealt with them. There was no closure the way you guys ended things.”

As crazy as Piper’s suggestion is, the longer I think about it, the more it makes sense. Our relationship was like a book whose final pages had been ripped out. I hate leaving a book unfinished, no matter how much I hated the story. We need an ending. A real one.

“Think of this weekend as your redo. Relive your happiness tonight and give him a proper goodbye tomorrow.” She reaches out and squeezes my arm. “You owe yourself as much.”