I Love You, I Hate You: Part 2

“You know you’ve always wanted me,” Sarah slurs, day drunk again. Ever since she and her boyfriend broke up last weekend, she has been a hot mess. She reaches her hand up, touching Logan’s thigh. My stomach twists watching them together.

Logan swats Sarah’s hand away and stands. He steps over the coffee table and towards me. “I didn’t do anything, Danika. I swear.”

Is he kidding me? So, what? He expects me to believe he wasn’t kissing Sarah? That he hasn’t done it before? ”What do you take me for, Logan? An idiot?”

Sarah stands and peels her dress off, exposing her tanning-bed gold breasts that cost her dad a couple grand back in high school. She looks me dead in the eye and snakes her arm up Logan’s chest. I puke in my mouth a little. “Come on, baby. Let’s go up stairs.”

Baby. Everything inside me dies with that word. This can’t be the first time they’ve been together. Not if she’s calling him by a pet name. My head spins, trying to find when he could have gone behind my back. No one would suspect if he took an extended lunch to have a quickie. It would be even easier to hook up on his night shift weeks. As for Sarah, she comes and goes at all hours. There’s no telling where she’s been or with who. I think I’m gonna be sick.

Logan grabs Sarah’s wrist and ducks under her arm to face her. He shoves her back a step and growls, “Leave me alone, Sarah.”

“Was this your plan all along?” My heart is beating so fast it hurts. Everything hurts. The knife in my back has twisted, turning my anger into tears. Tears I choke on trying to get my words out because I think I finally understand.

“What are you talking about, Danika? There was no plan.”

“Right.” I wipe my eyes before liquid pain can run down my cheeks. I hate that I’m crying, giving him the reaction he seeks. Showing emotion makes you weak but overcoming it makes you strong, and I’m a survivor. “So, you never wanted revenge? To get back at me for breaking your heart all those years ago?”

Logan sighs and the truth is written on his face. That’s why Piper said it would be easy to take Logan to bed at the wedding, because he was going to love me and leave me. Only I left first, ruining his carefully crafted plan. It explains why Logan took such drastic measures to get us back. He never wanted Molly. He wanted me. “Danika.”

I bite my lip, using the physical pain to offset the emotional. I wipe at my eyes again and let out a shaky breath. I don’t want to spend another minute in this house. At least I don’t have a lot of things here. A bag, maybe two with all of Molly’s stuff. “Congratulations, Logan. You did it. My heart’s broken.”

“God damn it, Danika. I didn’t do anything!” he pleads, stepping forward as I take a step back. “ I love you!”

I look between Logan and Sarah, the sharp knife digging its way into my heart, puncturing the pieces that began to heal. “I hate you.”

34

Danika

Living options when you’re a broke, single parent with no job and no government assistance are next to none. So I did the only thing I could do.

Moved in with my Dad.

Living with him hasn’t been as terrible as I thought it would be. Living with Tessa, however, is a fucking nightmare. All she does is hover. It’s super annoying, but with finals less than three weeks away, she could prove to be useful. After all, it’s not the worst thing in the world to have a grandmother who spoils Molly rotten. If my mom were here, I bet she’d do the same.

I close the refrigerator door, carrying a jug of lemonade in one hand and a gallon of sweet tea in the other to the dining room. Tessa and I have spent all day in the kitchen, actually getting along. I almost feel like part of the family. Until I catch a sneer out of the corner of my eye. It’s then I remember I’m not just an unwanted guest in her home, but also in her life.

I lift my head as the front door closes. Dad still has another thirty or so minutes of his shift and I wasn’t aware anyone else was coming.

Logan walks in with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. I shouldn’t be surprised to see. He’s made an effort to come over everyday since I moved in here a few weeks ago, but I usually hide in my room until he leaves. Which sometimes takes hours. That man is almost as stubborn as I am, but I’m not ready to forgive him yet.

Logan closes the door and smiles timidly at me. I bite my lip, I’ve only seen him straight from work once. Not gonna lie, seeing him in his uniform is kind of hot. Too bad every time I look at him all I see are Sarah’s legs spread open over his lap. Even if she was the one who threw herself at him, Logan wasn’t helpless. He could have stood up and pushed her off his lap. He could have made a stronger effort to have that whole situation not happen.

I narrow my eyes, all fluttery feelings gone. I opened my heart up to Logan again and every day he visits Molly I’m reminded that he shit all over it.

“You look beautiful.” He extends the flowers to me. I stare at them, unsure of what to do. If I take the bouquet I’m accepting his apology and wordlessly saying I’m ready to move on. If I don’t, he’ll probably recycle the gesture and give them to his mom. Even though she and I have been civil today, I don’t want her to have what’s mine.

“Danika!” Tessa screams from the kitchen.The hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge. Only once have I heard such fear, and the cause was life threatening. I turn on my heels and run towards her voice. Time seems to stop in the kitchen. Tessa is frozen, cradling an unconscious Molly in her arms. Logan hovers behind me, one hand on my hip to move me out of his way. The room is filled with food for tonight’s dinner but my eyes find the problem immediately. Strawberries.

And then, as my brain registers what happened, time begins to move again.

“What happened?” Logan pushes me aside and effortlessly slips into work mode. He takes Molly from Tessa's arms and lays her on the kitchen floor. He angles her head upright and sweeps his finger in her mouth, checking for a blockage.

“I...I don’t know.” Tessa runs her hands through her hair. “She was fine. I turned my back for a second to take the turkey out of the oven and when I turned around she was unconscious.”

Logan lowers his cheek to Molly’s lips. Feeling what I already know. He presses his mouth to hers, breathing life into her little body, then begins chest compressions. “Danika!”

I snap out of my daze and narrow my sights on Tessa. “How could you? She’s allergic to strawberries!”