I Love You, I Hate You: Part 2

“That’s sweet Logan, but she can't afford the ticket, let alone a hotel.” Social security pays pennies and she doesn’t have much coming in from retirement. Things were barely manageable when I was bringing in my measly paycheck. I can’t imagine how tight money has been the past few months.

“I figured as much which is why I told her she’d be staying with us and the tickets were her Christmas present. Figured I had some making up to do since I missed the last few holidays.”

“Oh, Logan.” I slide off of my stool and walk around Molly’s chair. I wrap my arms around his neck as his hands find my waist. I hold him tight, breathing in the fresh scent of his deodorant and laundry detergent. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He rests his knuckle under my chin, tilting my head up, looking me in the eyes. “Stay with me, Danika. Put all of the dirty water under a bridge and give us a chance again. We make a great team and I don’t want to spend another day waking up without my girls. Both of them.”

I chew on my bottom lip. We could fill a river with the amount of muck in the water between us. For every good moment we have there’s a bad one lingering nearby, but Logan is right. We do make a great team and Molly adores him.

“If we’re going to do this, there’s no going back. No third, fourth, or fifth chances. It’s all or nothing. We can’t have a yo-yo of a relationship. It’s not healthy for Molly.”

Or me.

“I’m all in, Danika. Always have been.”

42

Danika

Logan goes back to work tomorrow. It’s crazy how fast the weeks have flown by. Between Molly’s therapies—speech three days a week and occupational two—and studying for my final exams I’ve barely had room to breathe. Logan has been a godsend, helping with Molly more often than not, and we’ve fallen into a comfortable routine. But all of that is about to change.

“Are you sure you’re okay with me going back to work tomorrow night? Ryan can push it back ano

ther week if we need him to.”

I hand Logan a basket of folded towels, ready to be put in the hall closet. Molly doesn’t scream anymore, at least not like she did those first few days after the hospital. She still doesn’t like the squeal of my brakes but that’s nothing new. Right now, she’s sitting beside the pile of laundry we’re working on, watching cartoons and brushing her doll’s hair. “Sounds to me like you’re the one who’s uncomfortable.”

He disappears with the full basket and comes back with it empty a few minutes later. “What if something happens? Or if someone tries to break in? I won’t be here to keep you safe.”

“We will be fine. It’s just night shift.”

Two weeks of Logan leaving after dinner. We’ve gotten Molly used to eating earlier so we can sit at the table as a family. All that’s left to do is a bath, story time, and then bed. Molly’s still sleeping on the mattress beside us at night but that’s going to change when Santa brings her big Cinderella carriage bed. “Besides, Nona flies in tomorrow. We won’t be alone and you’re only a phone call away.”

Logan drops the basket on the cushion beside me. “I know. I guess I’m worried things between us will change if I’m not here.”

I slip my finger in the belt loop of Logan’s shorts and pull him until he wraps his arms around my waist. Outside of Molly making progress in leaps and bounds because of her bond with Logan, this is my favorite part about living here. Curling up in his arms whenever I want and tasting those lips… amongst other things. “Stop. We’re the best we’ve ever been. No job is going to change that. I love you, Logan.”

My heart beats against my ribs hard enough to send a shiver of adrenaline through me. I’ve held onto those words for a while now. That’s why seeing him with Sarah, which I now realize was a huge misunderstanding, hurt so bad. I never stopped loving him.

“You suck,” he chuckles, leaning down to kiss my nose.

My jaw drops. I told him I love him and that’s the response I get? Logan’s arms fall to his sides and he leaves me alone in the living room with Molly. Tears pool in my eyes, the sting of embarrassment worse than sorrow. With as hard as Logan fought to have us in his life, I assumed he still felt the same way. Maybe I was wrong.

Logan comes back in a few minutes later, hands in his pockets, that goofy crooked grin I love to hate on his face. “You take all the fun out of everything.”

I cross my arms and bite my cheek. I don’t want Logan to know my feelings are hurt. He’ll for sure say I love you then, but I don’t want the words if he doesn’t mean them.

“Here.” He hands me a shoebox.

I look up at him, thoroughly confused because I’ve seen this box countless times, sitting on the floor of the closet. I lift the lid and inside the foothold of his gray sneaker is a small, black, velvet box. I drop it all, the heavy shoes making a thud against the tile that startles Molly. She looks at us for a fraction of a second before turning her attention back to the TV.

Logan bends down, keeping one knee on the tile, and retrieves the little box. He opens the lid, exposing a solitaire diamond ring set in white gold. “I was going to surprise you at Christmas, in front of Nona and everyone when they came over for lunch, but you’ve always had a way of throwing a wrench into my plans.”

We can’t do this. We’re not ready to get married. We’ve only been together a few weeks. It’s too soon. As soon as the thought passes through my mind, I almost laugh. We may have only been living together for a few weeks, but my relationship with Logan, as unconventional as it may have been, spans years.

“I know you,” he says with a smirk. “You’re probably analyzing the shit out of this right now, but I love you Danika. We can get married tomorrow, next year, hell even ten years from now if you want. I don’t care about the paperwork. I care about you and Molly. Say you’ll be mine. Marry me.

“Yes.”