Bound Beneath His Pain (Dirty Little Secrets 1)

She looks fresh, natural.

Blood rushes to my cock, throbbing to be inside of her, making everything inside of me okay. I slowly glance up her body to look at her face again, finding her glare. That I can handle. I feel better being with her when she’s angry than not being near her at all.

She crosses her arms, not allowing me inside. “Care to tell me how you got into my building?”

I suspect she’s considering all the ways I had gotten past her security guard without notifying her; bribery being the biggest contender, I’m sure. “I own the building,” I offer.

“Of course you do,” she grumbles, suddenly beginning to examine me from head to toe, taking in my black Holt T-shirt, black baseball cap, and workout pants. While I see the quick flare of heat in her eyes as she lingers a little too long over me, it’s when she looks into my face that her hard exterior softens slightly. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Lack of sleep and a hangover being the cause. Which is still a surprise to me. I’m a drinker, but I never get drunk. Anything that steals my control is weakness in my eyes. Last night marks the first night I’ve been drunk since Harvard, and the last thing I remember is Levi depositing me into the backseat of the Bentley.

We stay in a staring contest, while she’s still not moving away from the door. I finally sigh. “Can we talk?”

Her eyes narrow a little, but she slowly opens the door and lets me inside. I enter through the threshold, surprise rushing across me. She doesn’t live like a woman who has the money I suspect she does in her bank account.

Simple, yet tasteful; her condo is a lot like the woman herself.

I remove my shoes at the door, as she’s walking toward her open concept living room. My sock-covered feet slide on her hardwood floors, when I follow her in and take a seat next to her on her couch. Her leg brushes against mine, and I see the way she stiffens and understand why. The same jolt of energy passes through me, too.

This thing between us it’s infectious. I can’t deny it either. Fuck, if I could, I wouldn’t be here. All I know is I can’t survive another day like yesterday. Something’s gotta give.

I clench my fists, digging my fingers into my palms, trying to ignore the urge to bring her closer to me. It’s not so much a want as it is a need. She’s too far away from me right now. My mind is spinning, as I’m fighting to find the right words to say to her. She wants me to be this different guy. One I don’t know. But I want to be him for her, too. The one who knows how to do relationships.

I know how to fulfill desires. I know how to handle a woman’s body. But I don’t know how to deal delicately with a woman’s heart. “I shouldn’t be here,” is what finally comes out of my mouth.

“You shouldn’t be here?” she asks, incredulous. “That’s the first thing you say to me? Oh, my God, Micah. You’re seriously unbelievable.” She rises to her feet, arms flailing in the air. “I mean, you want me, you get me, you have me, then you leave me, but regret it later. Now you want to talk to me, but you shouldn’t be here.” She folds her arms, glaring. “Do I have that right?”

I nod.

She snorts and shakes her head in clear disbelief. “To be honest, Micah, this has all gotten a bit too complicated for me. I told you yesterday that it wasn’t going to work, and clearly it’s not.” She turns to move toward the door. “I think it’s best if you go—”

“Stop.”

I’m not sure what she hears in my voice that makes her freeze on the spot. I’m not even sure what I’m feeling, but the tension in my chest is squeezing my lungs and I can hardly breathe. She’s not looking at me, just staring at the door. She’s not even moving. But all I can manage is “Please. Stop.”

She turns then, eyebrows drawn together.

I bow my head, unable to look at her, not wanting to show her weakness. Whenever she stares at me so intently, she bares me. She strips every layer, every shield, and I’m not even thinking of what I should or shouldn’t do. I only know that today I needed to come here. And now that I’m here, I can’t leave.

She finally gives a long-suffering sigh and approaches, stopping in front of me. “What do you want, Micah?”

Her soft pink-painted toes fill my vision. But I don’t need to see her. I feel her. I’ve felt her from the second I met her. The light of her warms the chill out of me. “You.”

“Why?”

I want to stay silent. I know I can’t. Not anymore. “It’s like you have this secret that I don’t know yet. That somehow if I spend a little more time with you, I’m going to be let in on it.” I lift my head and stare into her eyes, watching her hair gently fall off her shoulders to curtain her face. “Every time I shut my eyes, you’re there. Every time I try not to think about you, you’re all I can think about. You’re haunting me. Every minute, every second, there’s nowhere to hide.”

I see a crack in her hard stare, the warmth I crave slowly showing through. “Then why shouldn’t you be here?”

I’m desperate to reach out and touch her. Instead, I clench my fists on my legs. “Because you deserve better than me. Because—”

“If you think that, then why are you here?”

“I can’t stay away.” I could give her a dozen answers that I assume will appease her. But I want to give her the one answer that she deserves. She wants real, and in this conversation, I can give her that. I know I need to give her that. “I already told you, it’s like you have this secret that I need to find out. A secret that has sunk its claws into me and refuses to let go.” I’m not thinking consequences when I rise from the couch and stand in front of her. It’s like I’m pulled by my words, compelled to move like a magnet to the one thing it needs. “A secret that has crashed the world I control. A secret that has somehow slipped the firm hand I live by. A secret that has all but destroyed every barrier I’ve ever put in place.”

I take a step toward her, closing in and inhaling her sweet, flowery scent. She surprisingly stays put when I cup her face in my hands. “I feel…” I pause, trying to put everything I’ve felt this past day into words. “I feel better when I’m with you and unwound when I’m not.” I squeeze my hands around her face, hoping to protect this embodiment of perfection under my hands. “I’ve never needed anyone in my life, Allie. But I need you.”

She eventually blinks. “But I need more of you, Micah; this can’t work if you don’t give me more.”