Bound Beneath His Pain (Dirty Little Secrets 1)

“No. God, no. Don’t touch me.” She’s backing away from me, eyes wide and distrustful. “You’re disgusting. You want to hurt women, Micah. I don’t even know you. You’ve ruined me.” She’s screaming at me now and I can’t even look at her, shame holding me to the spot. “You’ve ruined my life!”

I blink into the present, seeing Allie’s eyes focused directly on me, awaiting my answer. I want to tell her these truthful things about my past, but I can’t. My shame is mine to bear and I don’t want Allie anywhere near it. There are reasons I keep my dark desires hidden from those who can’t handle them and only partake in consensual kinky sex with women who love that type of sex themselves. It protects them from me.

“What happened between us?” I repeat Allie’s question, feeling heaviness forming in my chest, emotion rising that I cannot stand. She nods, and I swallow against the thickness in my throat. “We weren’t meant to be.”

Allie’s watching me in that intense way she does, like she knows I’m hiding things from her, like she sees parts of myself that I wish she wouldn’t. She finally breaks eye contact and blinks. “Do you still talk to Clara?” she asks.

I’m trying not to notice how the blanket slides off Allie’s back when she moves a little closer toward me, showing off a long, smooth spine that I want to kiss. She makes it hard for me. Because there’s something inside me now clawing to get out. Hot flashes rush across me, as the weight on my chest is getting heavier. “Sadly, Clara passed away.”

Allie’s fingers find mine under the pillow, squeezing tight. “Gosh, that’s so sad. She must have been young.” I nod in conformation, and Allie’s eyes are searching mine. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

I reach out and stroke Allie’s cheek, despite the pain beginning to strangle my throat. Tighter…and tighter. Her kindness is infectious. The sweetness about her, the innocence of a life not shattered by darkness, it all draws me to her. I want to taste this life she’s offering. It’s a life I don’t know. Because this is what I need. Her light. Her warmth. A place away from the darkness that threatens to invade me, and that I’m fighting so hard to keep away from her.

I’m not sure what she’s seeing on my face, but she’s leaning into me, moving closer. It’s so dangerous for her and she doesn’t even know it. I shut my eyes and let her kiss me in the way she wants to kiss me. Our mouths move gently together and each second that passes, I’m not thinking of her, I’m thinking of slowing down my heart rate and focusing on my breathing. I want to forget Clara. I want to forget the pain. I want to forget it all and become lost in Allie.

I keep my eyes shut, inhaling and exhaling deeply through my nose, while she moves away. I hear a wrapper being opened and then feel her applying the condom over my rock-hard cock. Thump, thump, thump…My heart is hammering in my ears, my breathing is so very deep. I can’t open my eyes to her in fear I’ll see her innocence and want to absorb it all for myself. In fear that I’ll grab her, fuck her until she can’t move, until her body is used by me, until I can’t feel again.

A slow slide of heat burns across me as Allie straddles me, resting her hands on my chest, taking me deep inside her. Warm. Wet. Perfect. I clench my fists at my sides, fighting off the urges slamming into my body to overpower her. She’s thrusting slowly against me, riding me gently, lovingly.

I reach for her hips, trying to slow her down. She’s sore, I remind myself. But she’s not listening to me. She grabs my wrists, prompting me to reopen my eyes, and pins my hands to my chest, shifting her hips, faster and faster. Her round breasts are bouncing in my line of vision; her sexy body all mine to watch, while she moves back and forth, faster…and faster…and faster.

Her moans are louder now and closer together, and I’m fighting my orgasm, because I need more from her to sedate me. This isn’t about sexual satisfaction for me, it’s about a release. It’s about shedding the emotion invading every crevice of my body. I need her to scream. I need her to lose her fucking mind. I need to forget. Her head tilts back and she’s taking her pleasure, and all I can do is watch her, too afraid that if I take control, I will dominate every part of her mind, body, and soul. That I will use her to fix me, and I can’t do that. Not to her.

But now I’m losing myself to pleasure with each quick shift of her hips. I yank my hands from beneath hers and grasps her breasts. “Yes,” I grunt, as she rubs her hips, back and forth against me. “Yes. Come on.” I grit my teeth, encouraging her to move faster.

“Oh, God…” She’s pumping her hips, back and forth now, faster…and faster. I grip her hips, helping her shift quickly over me, my cock throbbing deep inside her. “Ooooh…” she gasps, her mouth falling open.

Then she’s roaring her pleasure, arching her back. Her round breasts and taut nipples fill my vision. Her tight pussy clamps down on my shaft, while she’s quivering and gyrating on top of me.

I can’t come with her, not yet. I need more.

Slowly, she’s recovering, moving up and down now, opening her sated eyes to me. Her warm wetness is sliding over me, and I’m moaning in gratitude, while she’s breathless on top of me. I massage her breasts, focusing on her nipples, and running my hand down to her clit, circling the bud. She begins to bounce on me again and I assist her to move harder; loud slaps of skin fill the air, along with the musky aroma of our sex.

“So good,” I growl against the warm touches of pleasure washing through me. I tighten my buttocks, pushing my cock deeper, and I see the widening of her eyes and the building flush across her chest.

“More,” she gasps. Then she’s no longer shifting up and down, but sliding over me, back and forth, in the way I’m learning she does to bring herself to orgasm. “Please.” She’s panting deliciously now, moving so damn fast. “More. More. Please.” I’m moaning alongside her, because somehow she’s even tighter than before, and even wetter, and she’s bringing herself to another orgasm like a fucking pro.

Her entire body is a shaking mess of satisfaction when I grab her, bringing her chest to mine, tucking her head into my neck. I shift my hips up into her, pumping my cock all the way inside her, and soon she’s matching my speed, our hips moving together in a steady rhythm. I dig my fingers into the sweaty flesh of her hips, lifting her up, then thrusting her down on my throbbing dick. Her lips somehow find mine and our kiss is messy; it’s sexy; it’s perfect. She cups the side of my face, holding on to me like she controls me. And in this moment, she does.

She fucking owns me.

My grunts are unstoppable now, mirroring her raspy moans. Sweat is sliding deliciously over her body and rubbing against mine, when she rises up, returning to offer me a view of her great bouncing tits, when she grinds herself against me.

“Again. More.” She pinches her eyes shut, hands resting on my chest. “Please.” I grasp her hips tight, stopping myself from smacking her round ass, bringing her even higher than she can take herself. “Yes. Oh, God…” She’s screaming now and her cunt is squeezing my shaft in a vise grip.

I can’t even touch her anymore, because I’m clenching my fists at my sides, as her G-spot orgasm drenches me with

warm arousal, and I’m becoming damn near cross-eyed, unable to ignore my needs any longer. My semen explodes out of me, and I’m bucking and jerking beneath her, roaring out my pleasure.

Many minutes go by, while we’re a tangled mess between the sheets. I can’t move. She can’t move. All I smell is sex and sweat. All I feel is her. But the only thing that matters is that my chest is light, my throat is no longer tight, and my demons are silently resting again.

Chapter 14

Allie

I’m standing in Holt’s break room the next morning, and nearly jump out of my high heels at Liv’s voice. “Congratulations, girl!”

I swing around to her. “Did they call?” Two hours ago I’d shown the Lowes Kevin’s house and I’d been waiting on their call ever since. “Oh, God, please tell me they called.”