Restrained Under His Duty (Dirty Little Secrets 3)

She exchanges a long look with Ryder. “That makes me wonder if that other man is behind this.” When she receives his nod of agreement, she finally looks at me. “Well, that changes our direction, but we still have ways to find the person behind this.” She cracks her knuckles and her fingers begin flying across the keyboard again. “Let’s turn our focus to whoever’s hacked into your computer.”

Ryder’s lips tighten at Alex’s brisk voice before he asks me, “Is there anything on your computer that we need to worry about?”

I shrug, hugging myself. “My father’s schedule and professional stuff like that. But even though there’s nothing personal, it’s just so invasive and creepy that someone was looking through all my stuff.” I turn and focus on Alex again, realizing she’s doing the same thing to me right now, and I squeeze my arms a little tighter around my middle. When did life get so fucking crazy?

Ryder begins to slide a hand toward me, obviously to comfort me, but he stops halfway and snaps his hand away. Turning to Alex, he asks, “Any idea where the hacker is located?”

I ache for his touch, as I have ever since I realized things between us had suddenly changed. One day he was my dad’s chief of security. The next, he was something more. God, I need him so badly that I burn with the rejection that he can’t forget his damn job to be there for me in the way we both know we want. For over a year now, I’ve been throwing myself out there to him and he always turns his back on me. Usually I can deal with it because I understand. His responsibility is to my father. I’m a complication. And normally I just like to give a hot, tough guy like Ryder a run for his money and tease him because I know I can. Him liking me is not the problem. Nor is him wanting me. I see it and I feel it and I have for some time now. But today, after all this, the world feels very, very lonely. I feel very lonely.

An emotion I don’t recognize crosses Ryder’s face as he’s studying me, but then he looks away when Alex says, “I have no trail on the hacker’s location right now, but I’ll find him.”

Ryder nods, as if that’s the only answer he needs.

I need way more than the word of someone I don’t know. “How can you be so sure you can locate him before he posts the video?”

“Because that’s what I do.” She smiles softly and shrugs. “I can’t promise I’ll catch who’s blackmailing you. But I can promise I’ll find this hacker.”

Her confidence reassures me. But her words confuse me. “You don’t think the hacker and the blackmailer are the same person?”

“It’s very unlikely,” Alex says, returning her focus to her monitor. “Whoever hacked your computer is a pro. All I need to do is narrow down their signature and then I’ll catch him.”

My throat tightens as I hear Ryder clearing his throat. Oh, yeah, I know what’s coming next and I want to hide under the damn table.

“Speaking of the video, let’s take a look at it.” His voice is cool and collected. I don’t know if that’s an act or not, but my heart twists, squeezes, and then promptly drops into my stomach when he turns to me and says, “I need to watch this to learn what I can about the men. You don’t need to be here.”

“I’m staying.” I damn well want to see his expression when he watches me.

“All right,” Ryder says, and then he nods at Alex. “Go on.”

Alex clicks the video, and I have to give it to her. She stays perfectly professional with no judgment or emotion on her face as she hears the sexual screams and masculine moans. But my embarrassment is nothing compared to when I look at Ryder. He leans forward, studying the video intently.

Though I quickly realize in the seconds after my own horror that he’s not even looking at me in the video. He’s studying the men. His face is close to the screen, eyebrows furrowed, and I realize he’s looking for every flaw, every imperfection, and imprinting those marks into his memory.

When silence fills the room, Ryder doesn’t lean away but states, “Play it again.”

Again, and again, and again, I endure watching the entire video. Until there’s not even shame left in me because I’m completely desensitized to it now.

Once Ryder leans back into his chair and his soft eyes meet mine, I have to wonder if that was his intention. Yet it doesn’t stop how bare I feel now, totally exposed in ways I’ve never wanted to be. I never wanted him to see me like that. My skin crawls in shame.

Ryder frowns at whatever’s crossing my face, but I see the shadows of disappointment there in the depths of his eyes. The punishment of having to watch the video doesn’t only belong to me.

Regardless of how he feels, he says gently, “We’ll find the person behind this, Hadley.”

“I know,” I tell him.

Because I know Ryder. He’ll get me out of this mess because that’s what he does. I can’t help but hope that maybe for once he’ll tell me he’s doing that for me, not out of obligation to my father.

When his eyes meet mine, emotions burn within their depths. But then he does what he always does—he coldly looks away, taking a little piece of my heart with him.

Ryder

With Alex hunting down the identity of the hacker, I have my own investigating to do. That’s what brings me to the Irish pub, O’Keefe’s. I park my truck at the curb and glance at Hadley sitting next to me in the passenger seat. She’s not looking in my direction; she’s staring out her window at O’Keefe’s burgundy sign decorated with a gold Celtic knot. “I need you to stay here,” I tell her.

She turns to me then, eyebrows drawn. “You’re going inside?”

“Yes, and I think it’s best you don’t come.” I exit the truck, noticing her annoyed expression as I peer at her through the open door. “I need to have a private conversation with someone who wouldn’t appreciate you being there. That’s all this is.”

She watches me for a long moment and finally leans back in her seat, crossing her legs. “Everything’s okay, though?”