Restrained Under His Duty (Dirty Little Secrets 3)

His expression twists with tension, and that same upset is evident in his tight posture and how he’s clenching and unclenching his hands.

“Oh” is all I can think of to say, glancing at the IV in my hand. Right now I don’t have words yet to understand and process what I’ve been through. Part of me knows I should be traumatized. But at the moment, the only thing that matters is that Ryder found me and now I’m safe. I just can’t think or figure out anything beyond that. “How’s my father?”

“Recovering well,” he answers, instantly flooding me with relief that we all came out of this a little beat up, but alive. “Your mother came by to see you about an hour ago, but she’s back up in his room. Would you like me to go get her?”

I shake my hand to wave him off, but immediately regret it and shut my eyes tight against the pain. “Ouch.” The back of my head burns from rubbing across the pillow, and I grit my teeth, staying still until the pain drifts away. “Mental note, no sudden movements.”

“The governor is in jail, as well as one of the perps,” Ryder says next, a couple minutes later, and this time there’s a bite to his voice. “The guy who threatened you is dead.”

I hear the palpable anger in his voice, and when I reopen my eyes I don’t see that same anger in his expression, but I do see it in his eyes—burning there just below the surface. And that’s not all I see. Black eye, bruised lip, cuts on his neck. His injuries fill my vision. “My God, your face—”

“I’m fine,” he says, voice tight, unmoving.

No, he’s anything but fine. I watch him a moment, trying to figure out what’s got his back up and what’s going on in his mind. “Okay, what gives? Shouldn’t you be over the moon right now? I mean, you are the hero, after all.”

No emotion at all shows on his face, as one eyebrow lifts. “You got abducted. You got hurt. Where is the heroism in all that?”

“You came for me,” I tell him softly. “I would’ve died if you hadn’t gotten there. There is no doubt in my mind of that.”

“I found you by luck,” he retorts. “It was the arrogance of the governor that led me to you. He came to me both fishing for details of what we knew and to act the part of the concerned governor.”

“Then how did you know it was him?” I ask, curious now.

“I saw his scar.”

“Well, all of the cards fell into place and you found me. Isn’t that enough to make you happy?” I try to put a positive spin on this to get him out of his current mood. When that doesn’t work, I add, “The good guys are alive. The bad guy isn’t, and the other two are in jail, where they should be.”

Ryder’s mouth sets in a firm line—obviously he has no intention of answering me.

I frown at him, sitting there in the navy blue plastic chair, seeing that he’s fighting something, holding back for sure. “Okay, what is going on with you?”

There’s a crack in his blank expression, as his eyes slowly begin to narrow. “You know what I want to say.”

He’s right, I do know. There’s only one thing that would piss Ryder off more than not being able to keep me safe. “That I shouldn’t have tackled that guy and hurt myself.”

Tension is thick in the air between us as he slowly adds, “And then you’re going to say?”

“That I didn’t have a choice.”

He rises from his seat and moves to stand next to me, arms crossed, ever the imposing man. “Then I’m going to say, there’s always a choice and yours was the wrong one.”

Sure, he might look a little intimidating standing there all growly. But…“Then I’m going to say that I couldn’t have watched him hurt you.”

He releases his arms, stuffing his hands into his pockets, and gives a long, suffering sigh. “Which is why this conversation is pointless. I don’t like that you felt you needed to help me. I also don’t like that you got hurt in the process. But I understand why you did what you did.”

All of which are good points. So that’s the end of it, right? Nope, of course not. He doesn’t look at all settled. In fact, he looks worse. “So then you’re just going to stand there and simmer in anger, pissed that we understand each other?”

“Yes.”

I snort at him. While I know Ryder will never admit that my move helped him, it did in fact give him the advantage that he needed. But maybe that’s what makes me good for Ryder. I begin to wonder, watching him now. I don’t listen to him. I challenge and test him. And maybe I couldn’t be that woman Ryder needs in his life if it wasn’t for everything I’ve been through and all the therapy that had raised my confidence and self-awareness to where it is today. And maybe I wouldn’t have had the balls to pursue Ryder if I hadn’t seen how short life is and learned to never waste a second not going after what you want.

I’ve always wanted him, that’s never been a question in my mind.

Perhaps he simply needs to be reminded of that. “Well, I have a better idea than standing there all grumpy. How about you come over here and kiss me.” I give him a warm smile, hoping it eases the chilliness in the air.

He doesn’t move, continuing to practically scowl.

“You don’t want me to move, do you?” I ask, lifting my hand to my bandaged head. “What if that hurts me more?”