Dear Daddy (Yes, Daddy 11)

Mine.

6

Josi

I slam my bedroom door shut, throwing myself onto my bed as tears roll down my cheeks.

My stepdad felt the need to remind me, yet again, that I need to start preparing for college. And he made sure to emphasize the fact that I’m not living here after I graduate. Either I go to college, or get a job, or live on the street. “Tough love” he called it, but I’ve never felt one ounce of love in all the years he’s spoken to me.

One thing is for certain though. He’s right. I have to get out of here. No way can I stand living here a day longer than I have to. I strengthen my resolve, sit up on my bed, and move over to my desk. Time to get a job so I can get some money and be prepared to leave here the second I throw my cap into the air on graduation day if I even go to my own graduation.

But the second I sit down at my desk I see the envelope that was in my own hands not much more than a week before, and it’s postmarked from San Quentin.

I tear into the letter, this time not caring about saving the package. I need something positive in my thoughts, in my life, right now. And how crazy is it that a stranger who’s locked up for life seems to be the only one who can provide that for me, and I’m hoping it goes both ways.

Josi,

Have you ever been asked a question that completely changed your life, something so powerful it altered your entire paradigm, shifting the way you think?

I have, because of you.

Those seven words you strung together, “Have you ever considered being a Daddy?” They hit me like a punch in the gut, in a good way.

I’m not sure if you mean a father to a child or in another way. To answer your question I’d never thought of either, until you.

But now I already am a Daddy, in my mind. I feel like you’re the little girl I was always meant to have, but not as my child. More in an emotional and, if I’m being honest, physical way. Something about your words just make me want to have you in all ways…body, mind, and soul. And I never thought I’d say this to another person as long as I lived, but that’s what I feel like I’m giving you in these little letters we share.

I say ‘little’, but only because they’re short and there’s only so much we can say. In reality, they’re huge, but they’d pale in comparison to actually seeing each other, being together.

Are you with anyone now? Do you have a boyfriend? If you do, you need to tell them you don’t have time for a boyfriend, that you need a man in your life. A Daddy. Me.

Baby girl, you’re everything that’s right in the world, not all the bad things your stepfather and mother want you to think you are. If I were your Daddy, I would remind you just how unique you are, and remind you that it’s that uniqueness that makes you special in a world full of clones. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever spoken with, or more accurately had a relationship with, or whatever it is that we have via these letters.

I want to know so much more about you. I want to see you. I don’t expect you to come here and visit me, as it might be scary for you, but maybe you could send a picture.

That will hold me over until we do finally meet, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. In reality, I feel like a caged animal, literally and metaphorically. And I need nothing more than to break free of that cage and run directly where I belong. With you.

And that’s exactly what the future holds. Please trust me on this. It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when. And I know when it could be. Soon, very soon, little one.

Your Daddy will come for you. Count on it.

Love,

Daddy

P.S. I know you enjoy books and reading and I can see you’re a thinker so I hope I’m giving you the best of all worlds. Please enjoy this word search puzzle I made myself.

Little one…the word cuts through me like a knife, grabbing my heart and slamming it into overdrive. My panties are absolutely soaked, and I would be surprised if I’m now sitting in a pool of my own excitement.

It’s too much to take.

I move back toward my bed, grabbing Simba and grinding my clothed middle into him.

My eyes close and my breathing hitches as I near my release. Just before I feel a wave wash over me, through me, and my floodgates open, my mouth opens first.

And at first nothing comes out, until I utter the word that’s changed everything.

“Daddy.”