7
James
I set the book down, feeling an extreme sense of joy. I haven’t been able to read in over two decades, and not only that my little one picked the perfect book for me.
Thumbing back to the passage in Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, I read the words he borrowed from Friedrich Nietzsche.
One who has a 'why' to live for can endure almost any 'how'.
That’s me, but after so many reasons the underlying reason has changed. For well over half my life it was because of my refusal to let the system win, despite the fact that I was the one they’d locked up and could hardly be considered winning. But now my why is no longer my own justice, which will never come, but her.
Even though the judge said I was an exemplary inmate four years ago at my parole hearing, she said I still couldn’t face reality and couldn’t confess. That alone was holding me back, and showed I hadn’t ‘learned my lesson.’
There was no lesson to be learned, at least not then. But now? Absolutely.
The fight, the struggle, is everything. But it’s no longer about me. It’s about her. Getting out of here and getting to my little one. And with another parole hearing around the corner, it’s time to let the young, angrier me, go. It’s time to embrace all the wisdom I’ve learned in my forty years and to finally see an end to this. I need to sacrifice what I’ve stood for, for nearly a quarter of a century in order to live the future that I need, want, and desire.
Just like she does.
I pick up her letter, which accompanied the book she sent me, and read it again.
Dear Daddy,
No, I don’t have a man in my life. I don’t have anyone in my life…only you.
I know that you’re the person who can accept me as I am, that will allow me to be your Little Girl, and that you’ll take care of me with every part of your being. And I’ll be a good girl too…except when I’m naughty, but only so you can punish me. ;)
I’m including a book I thought you might like and a picture of me so you can see what I look like. I found an old picture of you online when you were sixteen, and you are…well, let’s just say I can extrapolate and imagine how you look now. Taking those boyish features, but yet rough and masculine around the edges, and aging them like a fine whiskey…wow, I can only imagine how manly and perfect you look now, Daddy.
I can’t wait to see you in real life, and start what will finally feel like the real life I’ve been waiting my whole life to live. When can we do that, Daddy? Make me happy and tell me soon.
Your Little Girl,
Josi
If I hadn’t already released seven times, and counting, earlier today I’d explode all over again. My hand shakes as I slowly inch it inside the envelope where her picture had fallen, face down. I wanted to read her letter and the book first, to let the anticipation inside me build even more. I haven’t eaten anything all day, yet I feel more energetic and stronger than I ever have in my life.
My nostrils flare and I hear my teeth grinding together as I bring the picture out of the envelope. Pause and then exhaling hard I flip it over.
I swear I’m looking at an angel. Her blond hair cascades around her shoulders and her tiny features make her out to be exactly the little girl that we both know she is. How can others not see what’s so clear to both of us? How can the rest of the world not take a single second to try and view the world through her lens, imagining what it must be like to go through a big, hard, cruel world as a small girl who’s a bit shy and introverted? Is everyone that blind, or are they just so busy they don’t care?
I care, dammit. I care more than anything.
I adjust myself in my pants, feeling the tip of my cock catch on my underwear, knowing I’ve already coated it in precome.
When I get out of here I’m going to get a job, buy us a house, and fill it with things that suit her personality, our personalities, and that makes us the happiest two people in the world. Because that’s exactly what she’s made me.
I need to get out of here so I can get back into humanity and protect her from all the evil forces that lie within it. I need to be by her side, and vice versa. I need to take her hand and never let go, guiding her through all of life’s up’s and down’s, although I’m going to do everything I can to eliminate any and all of the downs. As her protector, her guardian, her Daddy, that comes with the territory and is something I embrace with everything I’ve got.
And I’m going to make sure everyone knows she’s mine, that I’m her Daddy.
“Right, Little Girl,” I mumble in my cell.
“What are you mumbling about down there?” my cellmate asks.
“Just a dream.”
“Nightmares?”