She stared at the starry sky she saw through the big window across from her and then returned her focus to him. “It’s not that I didn’t think about it. It simply never seemed like the right time to get back into the lifestyle. I was busy with my kids, healing them and myself. I had to make sure that we were all okay without Charles. Somewhere along the line, I guess I forgot what I needed.”
Warmth touched his features as he dragged his knuckles gently over her cheek. “You were being a good mother.”
She gave a small nod and sighed, enjoying the way his gaze held hers, so focused and attentive. “I also never had the right opportunity to play or find someone with similar interests.”
He brought his elbow up on the pillow and rested his head against his hand, gazing down at her. “Because you wouldn’t play at Club Sin?”
“Exactly. It’s not the right crowd for me,” she replied, admiring him. Elliott was a handsome man, one she could appreciate. Her gaze swept over his thick chest and chiseled arms before she looked to his face and added, “Honestly, once our children were born, Charles and I kept play to the club. We didn’t mingle with others in the lifestyle much in our everyday lives, except for Dmitri. Charles and I thought it best we kept the two worlds very separate.”
Sympathy sounded rich in his voice as he said, “So when your husband died you didn’t know anyone else who could help you find a place to play that would make you more comfortable?”
“Well, it took two years before I even thought of playing again,” she admitted, sliding her hand between her face and the pillow. “Before that, it honestly hadn’t even crossed my mind.”
“Then when you had the cravings again, what happened?”
I realized how much I missed Charles. She shrugged. “I did search some online communities, but, again, after being with Charles, it was hard to imagine myself with anyone who wasn’t an experienced Dom. Most men I found on those forums, who attended clubs, were quite young.”
He brushed a strand of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. “You could have asked Dmitri to help you.”
If only it was that easy. “Dmitri and I hadn’t really seen much of each other over the past years. Or not until recently, I should say.”
His brows rose. “Why is that?”
“Because he reminded me…” She swallowed deeply, unable to say the words.
“Of all that you lost.”
Mary swallowed back the sudden emotion in her throat. She didn’t want to think of Charles and she wanted to be there with Elliott, though her heart couldn’t forget what it’d fought so hard to remember.
Elliott paused, his eyes searching hers and tenderness reflected in his features. “Just to be clear, you’re telling me that you tried to forget what you needed to be happy, as if it wouldn’t finally catch up with you?”
“Yes.”
He frowned. “That’s a shame, darlin’.”
She held his gaze, feeling that haziness in her mind that she used to experience after a scene, along with the entire body abuzz. Her heart warmed in gratitude toward Elliott. This sensation was something she’d wanted for too damn long. “Thank you for tonight. It was…”
His smile was gentle. “Like coming home?”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “Just like that.” Moving closer to him, she embraced the heat of his body, allowing the quiet to encase her. No noises came from outside the room, and she wondered if all the guests were still there, or if everyone had left now.
It didn’t really matter. Not to her. Now she enjoyed him.
Many more minutes passed and he continued to hold her tight, so she asked. “Is this the plan for the rest of the night?” No sex. No more play. The thought didn’t appeal to her. Being this close to Elliott made electric energy run through her, and she knew a simple touch from him would draw all that heat back between her thighs.
“Yes, Mary, this is my plan tonight.” He pressed his lips against her head. “Sometimes a woman needs pain. Sometimes she needs pleasure.” He tipped her chin up, capturing her gaze. “And sometimes what a woman needs more than anything else is to be held.”
“You think that’s what I need, sir?” She wasn’t sure she agreed.
He smiled, and it did amazing things to his eyes, making them soften in the most trusting of ways. “It’s not what I think you need. It’s what I know.”
Chapter Six
A soft knock sounded on the door and Elliott slid out of bed, glancing to Mary lying in the bed. She was tranquil, breathing deeply. It’d been ten hours since she’d drifted away, and two hours since he had woken. He had watched her sleep, wondering if maybe she hadn’t slept that well in a long time. No lover had ever relaxed so peacefully in his presence.
Warmth slid into his veins and his smile felt good.
Last night, when he heard of Mary’s pain, his heart reached for her. It was clear from the second she mentioned her husband that his death had devastated her, and even more apparent that she hadn’t completely moved on yet. Though, from her heated reactions to Elliott, he understood that deep down she wanted to, but she simply didn’t know how.