Big tears filled her eyes, and he didn’t know if those were out of anger or sadness. “You’re right, Charles is dead. Yes, I thought of him when I was with you, because it’s all I know. If being with me, in a casual way, isn’t enough for you, then that is your problem, not mine.”
Those words nearly sent Elliott to his knees. The force of them struck him right in the chest. In part for sadness for her, because it only showed how grief still affected her. Here was something so damn special between them, a connection that she had clearly experienced with Charles now had been repeated, though she couldn’t see past her pain. She couldn’t see that Elliott made her feel something that was as perfect as what she’d experienced with her husband. She didn’t think she deserved to be loved again, or that it was her right to.
The other reason his muscles quivered was because he didn’t deserve those words. He’d been nothing but caring toward her. By all appearances, he was disposable to her. “You’re right, Mary, that is my problem.”
He grabbed his blazer off the chair and then approached the door. His hand grasped the brass handle and he drew in a long breath before he turned to her, seeing tears rolling down her cheeks. “A problem that I can choose not to have in my life.” Then he whipped open the door and walked out, ignoring his heart, which begged him to go back to her. With each step he took he remained unsure whom his anger was directed at.
Mary, for letting him taste the life he’d longed for.
Or himself, for believing that he’d actually found it.
—
Just before eleven o’clock, Mary entered the busy restaurant in Times Square, spotting Cassie sitting at a table near the window. The sun shone through, lighting her daughter up, and only seemed to grow deeper when her daughter smiled.
But Mary couldn’t find her smile, as shame spread through her for what she’d done to Elliott. Mind-numbing confusion raced alongside of it. She felt right in her choice to keep things with Elliott casual, yet, at the same time, it also seemed so very wrong.
Mary watched Cassie rise from her seat, and she leaned in to kiss her daughter’s cheek. “How was the partying last night?” she asked.
Cassie rubbed her eyes, which had dark circles beneath them, and dropped back into her chair. “Exhausting, but fun.”
Mary took her seat. “Tired nights usually are the best.”
Before Cassie could reply, the young waitress strode over and asked, “May I get you drinks?”
“I’ll take a tea,” Mary replied.
Cassie added, “A Coke for me, please.”
When the waitress left, Cassie pushed out of her chair. “Okay, I’ve smelled that buffet since I walked in. I’m starving. Let’s eat.”
Mary followed her daughter to the buffet, and took a plate off the warmer. She grabbed a cucumber sandwich and added some summer salad. As Cassie took anything that wasn’t nearly as healthy to her plate, Mary finally smiled. Her daughter ate like her father had, a lover of meat and anything deep-fried. “At some point, you are going to have to eat healthy,” she said.
“I’ll eat healthy when I’m old and can’t enjoy food like this,” Cassie mused, grabbing a few desserts. “Right now, my body lets me devour junk without putting on weight, so why not enjoy it while I can?”
“You’ll regret that line of thinking when you’re older and have formed terrible eating habits.” Mary remembered a time when she could eat whatever she wanted without having to care, but now things were different. She needed to watch what she ate and also walked as much as possible.
When she thought about it, it was so crazy how fast time went by. Too fast to let time just pass one by, she thought. As she strode toward the table, her steps faltered before she righted herself; she used to live by the live-life-to-the fullest philosophy.
In her younger years, she even got into an erotic lifestyle because it made her happy. She went into medicine instead of law when her father would’ve preferred law. Doing everything and anything she had wanted to do, on her terms.
Mary was like her daughter, vivacious.
With a heavy heart, she realized now how much she’d changed from that vibrant woman she’d once been. Her body felt weighed down as she returned to the table and took a seat.
When Cassie joined her, her daughter asked, “Have you heard from Christian at all?”
Mary nodded, placing her napkin on her lap. “He sent an e-mail yesterday and they’re in Egypt, traveling there for a couple weeks.”
“He’s so lucky,” Cassie said, cutting up her fried chicken.
“You could join him.” Mary picked up her cucumber sandwich. “Now that the show is done, why don’t you go away for a couple weeks to see him?” She took a bite of the sandwich and relished the sweet mayo.
Cassie shrugged, talking with her mouth full. “I considered it, but the director is doing another show in a month and has offered me one of the roles in it.” Continuing to chew, she added, “It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up.”
Mary smiled in understanding. She was proud of all her children, as all three were doing so well in life. While Christian hadn’t set down roots, he was madly in love with his girlfriend. They’d saved for three years while working at the casino before giving up their jobs to travel for a year. It wasn’t the traditional way, but if Mary wanted anything for her children, she wanted them to be happy and doing what they loved.
Charles wouldn’t have agreed, of that Mary was sure. She suspected he would’ve wanted Christian to go into a traditional job, as was Calvin’s path in life, following in his father’s footsteps toward business.