“I have ants,” she replied, without even thinking about it.
Ella burst out laughing. “You have ants?”
Okay, maybe a bad excuse, but it was the first thing that came to Kenzie’s mind. “Yep, thousands of them. Earlier today I noticed a shitload of ants in my place and it’s gross. I have an exterminator coming in, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather not stay there when those things are crawling all over the place.”
Cora regarded Kenzie, and by her furrowed brows Kenzie knew Cora didn’t believe her. She really did hate that Cora was a social worker and tended to read into people. Though, thankfully, Cora simply nodded. “Of course. You can stay in the spare bedroom for as long as you need.”
“Thanks,” Kenzie replied, relieved.
Ella took a sip of her orange juice from the champagne glass and then exited the booth. “I’m so screwed when this baby gets big. I’m already peeing a thousand times a day.”
Presley chuckled, following her out. “I’ll go with you.”
When the girls left, heading to the bathroom on the other side of the dance floor, the waitress returned with the three shots and placed them in front of Kenzie. She grabbed one, instantly downing it and cringing at the bitter taste. She reached for the other, when Cora leaned in across the table and sai
d, “Are you okay, Kenz? You seem”—she shrugged—“not yourself.”
“Yep. Just dandy.” She downed the next one and winced.
When she reached out to the grab the last shot, Cora’s hand covered Kenzie’s. She said, more sternly now, “What’s wrong?”
Kenzie sighed, knowing she could trust Cora. She loved this group of women, but she never asked for help. She did things on her own and dealt with her own shit. Heavy discomfort slid through her. “I’m a little bit of a mess.”
“Clearly,” Cora said with raised brows. “Is it Porter?”
He was definitely part of the problem. What she felt for him was a bigger part of the problem. “Well, you were right, you know.”
“Right about what?”
“You told me he would never tolerate my being bratty, and yep, he doesn’t, and I’m frustrated. I need an intense scene, but the brute refuses to give me one.” She heaved a sigh, lowering her hand to the table, and Cora kept hers on top. “I need the extreme, and he’s not giving me what I need. Plus, I’m stuck with him unless I safe-word, and we all know I won’t do that.”
“That’s understandable,” Cora said softly. “But just give him what he’s asking for, and he’ll give you what you need.”
By that statement, Cora didn’t obviously understand what he was asking for. He wanted all of Kenzie, she knew that. Hell, she felt it in his touch. She recognized that she could lose herself in him, and that loss of control terrified her.
If the strong part of herself went away, what would be left?
She wasn’t sure, and she couldn’t take that risk. Not now. Not when things were as bad as they were. If she let those barriers down, she’d crash and burn, and she couldn’t allow that to happen.
Stay strong.
Cora’s expression became pained, and Kenzie hated to be the one causing that. This conversation was going to a place she didn’t want it to go. She pulled her hand away from Cora’s and downed the other shot, just as Presley and Ella returned to the table. “All right.” She exited the booth and grabbed Ella’s hand. “Pregnant or not, you’re dancing your ass off tonight.”
“Kenzie,” Cora called.
She waved her off, done with this conversation and all the shit that went along with it. “Talking is overrated, Cora. Let’s dance!” Kenzie knew why she didn’t want to talk about it—she had no answers to give. She had never felt unsure in her steps, where nothing made sense. Her personal life was falling apart. Her memories were returning to haunt her. Her professional life was even more disconcerting. And she wasn’t safe, not in any part of her life, and the biggest danger of all was that Porter was hunting her heart.
—
Porter inhaled the hot evening air and fastened the strap holding the paintballs around his waist. The theme tonight at the paintball field was the zombie apocalypse. Their team was made up of himself, Dmitri, Aidan, Kyler, Sawyer, and Miles. Located at the base of the mountains, the field on the desert floor was spread out like training grounds for the military. Sandbags were placed along the dirt floor, with fences and small buildings to provide shelter. They had all pitched in money to rent the facility tonight for Kyler’s bachelor party, and they planned to go for beers later.
Though Porter’s mind was off zombies and completely focused on Kenzie. He’d never met a more difficult woman in his life. He’d never thought of himself as the forceful type, but the flickers of annoyance rushing like hot lava through his veins were making him wonder if that’s exactly what he needed to be. But that was just his pride talking. His heart wanted Kenzie to share because she wanted to, not because he gave her no other choice.
He fastened his vest as Dmitri asked, “Everything all right? You’re quiet.”
Porter had mixed feelings about sharing what had happened with Kenzie, yet he also didn’t think he had much choice. The frightened state he’d seen her in still remained heavy on his mind. “It’s Kenzie.”
Aidan settled in beside Dmitri. “Is she giving you a hard time as always?”