As if she read where his thoughts lingered, she said softly, “So our arrangement is over.”
Even if she hadn’t been clear in her feelings toward him, he wouldn’t close the door to it, either. He wanted this relationship as a possibility for the future, and maybe she simply needed more time. “It doesn’t have to be.” He hesitated, letting his question linger.
She considered him with furrowed brows, yet he saw the spark of interest in the depths of her eyes. “You want to continue to play in Club Sin?”
I want to have all of you, too. For now, he would take what he could get. “Yes, that would please me, kitten.”
She wiggled against the couch, moving to the edge and getting closer to him. “I want that, too.”
Porter smiled. “I’m glad.” Even as the words passed his lips he knew it wasn’t enough. Not for him. He wanted all of her. He craved to call her his.
Now he needed to find a way to make that happen.
Chapter Nineteen
On Saturday morning, the buzz of the tattoo gun and the stinging on his arm kept Porter in the present, yet his mind was solely centered on Kenzie. He replayed their scene from last night in his mind over and over again, wondering if he could have done something more.
Disappointment crept into him that Kenzie hadn’t jumped into his arms and declared her feelings for him. Yet he also thought back over each moment they’d shared, knowing that she had shown nothing more than friendship toward him. Lust was there between them, there was no doubt about that. Friendship, yes, that was there. But he couldn’t pinpoint if Kenzie was just afraid of taking that step with him or if she simply didn’t want to.
Porter knew he didn’t quite know the difference between love and friendship. He appreciated what he had experienced with Cora, and never wanted to give up, but he wondered to himself what love really looked like. His parents had a healthy marriage and his mother always called his dad her best friend, and Porter wanted a marriage to mirror what his parents had shown him.
Though he also knew Kenzie, inside and out. He knew he needed to take it slowly with her, and he decided last night that maybe he needed to play more with her. Maybe
she’d see how great they were together. He also wondered if all she needed was a little push into his arms. But he’d never pushed a relationship on anyone or forced someone to see something they were blind to. He always supported his friends and lovers, though somehow now that felt all wrong.
Porter didn’t want to wait for her.
He flinched as the tattoo needle hit a sensitive spot on his arm and then he opened his eyes, staring down to the black dragon now on his forearm. Part of him knew he should feel damn proud. He belonged to something bigger than himself, and had become member of a group that he respected. Though when he regarded the tattoo all he saw was Kenzie and the month that he’d shared with her. This dragon was the reason he focused more attention on her, and he didn’t think there would be a time when he looked at it and didn’t see her face.
Love.
Yeah, he’d been bitten by that particular bug. Problem was, he had no idea what to do about it. Kenzie was difficult; she always had been. What would normally just be the start to a relationship that seemed so easy was now complicated. He didn’t want to push her away. He wanted her close. Always.
Coolness brushed across Porter’s arm, and as the tattoo artist cleaned the tattoo he said, “We’re all done here.”
All the Club Sin Masters, except for Miles, who was busy with business, and Kyler, who was still on his honeymoon, surrounded him. Everyone had stayed silent through the tattoo, simply watching. Porter figured this was their way of welcoming him into their group. The event called for all the other Masters to be in attendance. A rite of passage, Porter assumed.
The tattoo artist slid his stool away to clean the tattoo gun, and Dmitri stepped forward, eyeing the tattoo, then smiled. “Suits you.”
Porter turned his arm from left to right to get a good view of the entire dragon. “Yeah, it does.”
“Welcome to the dark side,” Sawyer mused.
Porter laughed, too, yet when he turned to Aidan his expression wasn’t what Porter expected. Aidan’s brows furrowed, obviously considering him. Before Porter could ask what was up, Aidan said, “Boys, can you leave us a minute?” Then he added to Dmitri, “You stay.”
The room cleared out quickly and Porter slid his legs off the chair, sitting sideways on it. He drew in a long breath, staring at the tattoo, knowing whatever Aidan had to say was of a serious matter. It wasn’t often Aidan portrayed seriousness, nor was it often that Aidan would’ve asked Sawyer to leave, too.
Aidan shut the door and then frowned at Porter. “Buddy, for a guy who just received a great honor, you look less than thrilled.” He leaned against the door and folded his arms. “Talk.”
Porter rubbed a hand over his face and found himself only able to mutter, “Kenzie.”
“What about her?” Dmitri asked, taking a seat on the stool where the tattoo artist had been.
Porter regarded the two men he greatly respected. He pondered what to say, but he realized he didn’t really have the words to explain anyway, so he shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
Aidan paused. “Do you love her?”
Porter snorted, rising to go to the long mirror on the wall and look at his new tattoo. “I paid half a million dollars to ensure she was safe.” He spied Aidan through the mirror. “I would say that in itself shows my love for her.”