She smiled softly. “You know, I think I actually do, which is weird. I’m usually running around with no idea what I’m doing, but this…it actually feels really good.” He returned the smile, but that smile faded quick, when something changed in her expression. She stared at him openly, with emotion. “I guess that brings me to something I’ve been putting off.”
He glanced back at her, the sun catching the warmer tone
s in her eyes. “Which is?”
“Us. Talking about what we’re doing here.”
His chest tightened and he glanced back at the stream. “Is it necessary to talk about anything?” He glanced sidelong at her. “We’re good, aren’t we?”
“Good, yes, but…” Her eyes searched his. “But after I went to see Luna, I guess everything she said to me got me thinking about some tough questions.”
“You should speak up,” he said, even though he knew this would backfire on him.
She watched him a long moment and then cringed a little. “Do you think you could ever love me? Like, see a future with me? Is that, after all we’ve been through, even possible?”
Her ability to be a straight shooter always amazed him. That’s partly what pulled him out of the darkness, because she saw a way out of it, and he followed her past his grief. But what she asked…the answer felt so fucking difficult to give her. He ran a hand over his face, so close to opening his mouth and just laying it all out there. But he thought it was kinder to hold back, because he still didn’t know how he was going to tell her about Laurel. “I don’t want to promise you something I don’t know I can give you. This is…I don’t want to mess this up with us. I definitely don’t want to hurt you.”
She gave him a look that pierced right through him. “Hayes, you’re not the only one dealing with this. Do you think this isn’t weird for me too? Laurel was my best friend. We grew up together. You two were supposed to grow old together. But Laurel’s gone, and there’s all this”—she waved between them—“stuff going on.”
Hayes couldn’t take his eyes off her, this woman who changed everything for him, as she added, “I’ve thought about this, believe me. A thousand times. I felt guilty, hated myself, and then felt guilty all over again for having feelings for you. But I always came back to the same conclusion, Laurel wouldn’t hate me for anything I felt. That’s not how our love worked. And I know for certain that Laurel wouldn’t want you to ignore that we’re happy, no matter what’s going in that head of yours. She wouldn’t want you to hold back. You know that.”
He slowly nodded, well aware. “I do know that.”
“Then what’s the problem? Why do I feel like you’re a step behind me?” she asked, leveling him with that potent stare. “Tell me. We’ll work through it.”
His lips parted to admit all his weaknesses and his fears. That he’d failed to protect his wife and love her like she deserved. That he’d ruined Maisie’s life because of it. But nothing came out. What would happen if he told her the truth about Laurel’s death? If he broke her heart all over again? Would she look at him differently? He wondered how he would survive if she walked away. Emotion crept up his throat, the air nearly impossible to inhale. He shut his eyes, feeling like a damn coward when all she’d shown was strength. When he looked at her again, her chin quivered, tears welling in her eyes.
“Okay, so you’re not ready yet,” she said softly and rose.
He stood with her. “Wait.”
She moved to the horses and untied them. “Let’s just ride and not talk. I’m okay with that.”
He strode toward her, the world feeling like it was rushing by. All the things he wanted to stay stuck deep in his throat. All the fears roaring through his mind. She’d pulled him out of his darkest times, he owed her everything. And yet, she never demanded a damn thing.
He helped her mount her horse and then hopped on his. She turned to him with one of her tender smiles, understanding he needed more time. Always understanding exactly what he needed. “Ready?”
But this time, he saw something different. Something that turned his blood ice cold. She faked that smile. For him. To be there for him. To support him through his pain. To be his friend. To give him every fucking thing he needed. She put her heart out there, when she knew he could very well crush it. “Yeah, lead the way,” he barely managed.
She turned her horse away and led like she had for a long time, pulling him out of the shadows surrounding his life. She’d done that for so long.
And it suddenly felt wrong.
13
One week later, Maisie covered a yawn with her hand. She was sure she had never worked as hard in her life as she had these past seven days, but all those hours of planning had finally paid off. Everyone helped, including her sisters, Megan, Penelope, and Hayes. He handled all the heavy lifting since her broken finger still got in the way. She and Hayes hadn’t talked about them since the day at the creek, and between getting ready for the big bash, and Hayes still working her case, she’d barely seen him, except when he stopped in with food or to help lift the stuff too heavy for Clara and Amelia. But those little things, supporting her during this event, meant everything. It was clear he wasn’t where she was yet, and she couldn’t blame him for that.
Besides that hiccup, the world, for once, was being kind and gave her a beautiful night for the barn dance. The sky was clear, without a cloud in sight, a blanket of twinkling stars sparkling through the darkness. String lights hung from the big wooden beams throughout the barn across to the steel kegs, igniting a soft glow that spilled out onto the dance floor just outside the barn. Maisie filled the inside of the barn with flowers and plants, making the space warm and inviting. They had rented a small stage and a wooden dance floor from a place in Colorado Springs, and the Kinky Spurs band played for the crowd. Penelope, along with a couple of Kinky Spurs waitresses, worked at the makeshift bar they’d set up in the parking lot. They tended to the crowd that had come from all over Colorado for the free beer and the fun night of some good ol’ country music.
“Amazing turnout,” Clara said with a smile, sidling up to Maisie. She had a beer in her hand, her tight jeans on, and an even tighter black tank top. Her fiery red hair was straightened, her makeup a little darker. Mason was staying at the sitter’s tonight.
Maisie smiled, warmth radiating through her chest at the pride in Clara’s voice. “I really hope it’s enough to make us stand out.”
Clara scanned the crowd of partygoers. Her bright eyes met Maisie. “I’d say you’ve pulled off the impossible, Maisie. Look at what you did here. I never would have even dreamed of making this happen.”
Maisie snorted and gently pointed out. “Well, that’s ’cause you would have made it to the festival.”
“True.” Clara nudged Maisie’s shoulder. “But maybe it’s good you didn’t. Maybe you had to fail there to make this happen here.”