Her head spun. “But they said it was a robbery gone wrong?”
“The gang’s involvement was kept out of the media because of the ongoing investigation, and because we didn’t want to spread more fear.” Maisie gripped her middle as he went on. “I hate myself for it. I wish I could go back and take that shot again. Or get there in time to protect her.”
Maisie felt the ground drop out from under her. She forced the words out of her dry throat. “Is this why you walked away from being a cop?”
His nod was slow, and he looked so very tired. “I am the reason she is dead.” His voice had never sounded so empty, so full of shame. “I was supposed to protect innocent lives, and I put a bull’s-eye on my wife’s back. I didn’t protect her. I failed her. I failed you by taking away your best friend. I failed everyone, including my honor to the badge.”
Tears flooded her eyes, coldness seeping into all the warm spots in her soul. She heard every desolate word that came out of his mouth, but she realized that, even with the shame he carried, he’d done the unthinkable days ago. He’d ignored his pain, his shame, his fear, and went back to the job to protect Maisie. To right a wrong in her life. “Is this what you were keeping from me?”
“I didn’t protect her,” he barely whispered. “I was worried you’d hate me. That I’d break your heart all over again by telling you this. But deep down, I’m also scared that I won’t be able to protect you if the time comes. I can’t lose you, Maisie.”
He thought he’d failed Laurel. That he’d fail Maisie too. Her heart broke for him as she cupped his face and forced him to look at her. Tears were in his eyes, and that pain slowed time around her. “Hayes, my God, is this what you’ve been carrying with you all this time?”
His voice blistered. “It’s the truth—”
“No,” she snapped, unable to control the raw emotion fueling her voice. “It’s not the truth. This is a lie that your pain has told you. Laurel’s death isn’t your fault. The man you shot in the street did that to her.”
“But I—” She placed a hand over his mouth.
“You need to listen to me now,” she said firmly. “I refuse to let you live another day thinking that you’ve somehow caused this. You did not cause Laurel’s death.”
He shut his eyes.
“Look at me, Hayes,” she snapped. He opened his eyes to the tears in hers. “This is not your fault. You didn’t put a bull’s-eye on Laurel’s back. An evil person hunted her. And if I have to tell you that every fucking day for the rest of my life until you believe me, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
He placed his hands over hers on his face. “For the rest of your life?”
“Yes. For the rest of my life.” She tightened her hands. “We didn’t go through all this to have you hate yourself for something you couldn’t control. Don’t let him win like that.”
Raw emotion bled in his gaze as his expression turned warm and attentive on her. “If it weren’t for you, I don’t know where I would have ended up. You picked me up when I couldn’t get off the ground. You stayed right there when any other sane person would have walked away. You breathed life back into me.” Her breath hitched, and tears rained down her cheeks at the truth he’d never said. He swiped her tears away and went on roughly, “I’m not sure I’ll ever achieve it, but damn will I try to show you that kind of love back.”
She took in every word he said. She rose up on her knees, closing the space between them. “Hayes Taylor, are you telling me that you love me?”
The corners of his mouth curved. He brushed his thumbs across her cheeks. “Maisie Carter, of course I love you.”
“Well,” she said, warmth radiating out of her chest, “it’s about damn time you admit it, because I love you too.”
His mouth sealed over hers, and all the things she didn’t know about Hayes suddenly blended into one truth. Somehow, against all the odds, against all the pain, against all the misery, they found a way through the darkness of grief and made it out on the other side. That wound would remain, bleeding with guilt, but she’d help heal it.
When urgency overtook all the raw emotion, they ripped at each other’s clothes until he lifted her onto the bed and covered her body with is. Bare beneath him, there was nothing between them now. No more dark lie causing Hayes to keep his distance. No more fears pulling him away. His heart was bared to her, and she held it tight.
“I want to feel you,” he said, pressing a kiss near her ear, his hardened length stroking over her wet sex. “Are you protected?”
“I’m on the pill.” Breathless, she angled her chin, allowing his access. “No STIs either.”
“I’m safe too.” His head lifted, gaze locked onto her. Emotion and rawness lived in those eyes. Love. Every single part of her soul, he knew; the darkest of the dark; every weak spot, and every great and strong one too. And she knew his, felt all of him now.
Locked in his smoldering eyes, he lifted his hips, placing his tip at her entrance, waiting for permission. She slid her legs up around his hips and guided him deep inside her. She moaned. He groaned. And if he planned on saying something else, those words died as he slid in and out, a low growl ruminating from deep in his throat, pushing all of him inside her.
She lost herself in the pleasure when his hand pressed to her hip, pinning her to the mattress while he worked her in long, slow strokes. She explored the flexing muscles of his shoulders when he sealed his mouth over hers in a move so possessive, she felt all the unknowns, all the questions about them, immediately disappear. He couldn’t get any closer, keeping himself pressed against her, his weight leaning on his arms as each thrust became harder and faster. She squeezed harder, desperate to keep him in. Because this wasn’t just sex. With them, it was always more.
“You’ve got me, Maisie,” he whispered against her mouth. “All of me.”
“Yes,” she breathed. “I love you, Hayes.”
He kissed her cheek, her neck, then brushed against her ear. “I love you.”
He had a point to make, and he made it. One hard thrust after another. Each one sending her back arching and her toes curling as his pelvis fed pleasure to her clit, along with the thick hardness driving inside her, making her feel perfectly full of his love.