“Which, from what the news reports say, is two black eyes and a broken nose.” She searched his face, a small smile curving her mouth. “You look unscathed beyond that shadow under your eye.?
?
He arched an eyebrow. “Did you have any doubt?”
Audra sighed, placed her hands on her lap, and studied him. “No, but you also look miserable.”
“I feel miserable.”
Another knock came at his door. His administrative assistant, Ken, said, “Sorry to interrupt, but have you made a decision about holding a press conference for a statement?”
“Soon,” Noah said, giving the same answer he had given for days.
“Again, Noah, we shouldn’t wait much longer on this,” Ken said before vanishing down the hallway.
At that, Audra cocked her head. “Why put off making a statement? You’re letting the media make the narrative.”
He rubbed his tired eyes, sure he had never felt this conflicted before. “Waiting to find the right thing to say.”
Audra’s lips pursed as he lowered his hands back to his desk. She scooted to the end of her chair and took his hand. “You’re not behaving like yourself. Help me understand why you’re not doing more to fix this.”
He frowned. “You think I haven’t done enough?”
“Not nearly enough,” she rebuked. “You should have gotten ahead of this story and yet you’re sitting behind it. Why? And why is Olivia not here with you?”
“This is a lot for her.”
Audra leaned back in her chair again and tilted her head to the side. “It may be a lot for anyone not used to being in the media, but Olivia seemed like a very strong woman when I spoke with her at the party.”
He inclined his head in agreement. “She is a strong woman.”
“Then what exactly is the problem?”
He rose from his chair and moved to the window to stare out at the city below. “She’s a month out of a very serious relationship that went incredibly wrong. What we had was supposed to be fun and light. This shit is not fun.”
“Relationships are never easy.”
“Relationships are impossible.” He folded his arms and frowned out at the cloudy day. He knew exactly what it would take to keep Olivia in his life. She needed a safe place to land. After what she’d been through, why would she jump into this insanity for a man she’d met a couple of weeks ago? She needed him to be clearer with his intentions, to claim her, to make her feel protected and wanted. And yet…and yet, he hesitated to take that step. “I won’t do to her what I did to Colette.”
“Now that, my darling son, is bullshit.” Noah glanced over his shoulder with raised brows. Audra gave him a hard look. “What is the real reason that drives your fear about Olivia?”
“It’s not fear stopping me.”
“Then what is it?”
He took the other client seat next to her, stared into his mother’s eyes, and knew only the truth would save him now. “I saw the way Dad’s absences had been hard on you. And that is the life I have to offer a woman. Why would I selfishly ask that of any woman?”
Surprise flickered across his mother’s face before she recovered quickly. “Do you think I was unhappy?”
“Not unhappy,” he gently corrected. “But sometimes very sad, and as a child I remember hearing you cry.”
“Oh, Noah.” She took his hand again and squeezed tight. “I wish you never heard those tears. And that you spoke to me sooner because you are only seeing one side of it.”
He arched an eyebrow.
“I chose this life,” she stated. “Yes, there were times that I missed your father terribly. But not because I was lonely and hated my life, but because I missed him. I missed seeing his face every day. I missed his love. I missed waking up next to him. But I would not change anything in the past because seeing his passion and his love to serve the people of this great state is why I fell in love with him.”
Noah inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. “Still, work always came first. It would be no different for me.” He never wanted to blend his worlds. SiR had worked for him for years. He had been content. Now nothing felt right anymore. “But at the same time, I selfishly want things I shouldn’t because she makes me happy.”