He brushed his hand over her hair, tucking the strands behind her ear. “The land, the business, that’s the only thing my mother has left of my father. She just lost him. How can I ask her to lose more?”
Emma’s throat tightened at the raw emotion crossing Shep’s expression. He’d shown her so many sides of himself, but this sweet, tender side was by far the one she connected with most. Almost as if this side was only for her, a side where he let go of it all so she could see into his heart.
Before she had a chance to find the right thing to say, he continued. “Beyond that, what will my mother have if she doesn’t have the Blackshaw legacy, along with the company? She’s known as Jenny Blackshaw, wife of Rick Blackshaw, owner of the largest cattle company in Colorado. Who is she without that?” He paused then said softly, “You know what it’s like, Emma, to start over.”
Emma gave a soft nod of agreement.
His gaze fell to the fire. “My mother’s life has already changed so much with the loss of my father. I don’t want her to lose anything more.” His eyes became distant; lost in a memory. “When I first moved to LA with Sara, I was like a fish out of water. Nothing made sense. And by the time I left there, I can tell you, I didn’t even know what I wanted anymore, or who the hell I was.”
She didn’t want to interrupt, but she wanted to know more. “So, then you came home?”
He blinked, bringing those soft, tender eyes to her again. “Yes, I came home. To her, my mother, where everything made sense for me. Within a week, I felt like myself again. That’s because of her, because of how stable she is.”
“She’s a good mom.” Emma smiled.
“There’s no one better.” He smiled back. “Knowing that, of course, I want to protect her from the confusion of having everything she knows ripped out from under her. She’s suffered enough.”
Emma got that, but . . . “You also can’t take all this on yourself, though.”
He drew in a long deep breath before addressing her again. “I have to at least try to make this better. For her.” Another pause. Then, “You have to understand that when I came home after ending things with Sara, I had my mother and my father to come home to. They were my normal, my safe place.”
That, Emma totally understood. New York City and her parents had been her safe place. Coming to River Rock, without Grams here, had been like the world suddenly looked completely different. Through Shep’s concern, she saw what Harper had seen—she was stronger than she knew. Somehow, she hadn’t fallen into a deep, dark depression she could never climb out of. For the first time, she stopped thinking about how her life as she knew it was over and decided to start realizing how amazing she was to keep going. She took Shep’s hand, twining her fingers with his. “Is that what you’re worried about? That your mother will feel lost?”
Sadness touched Shep’s eyes. “I think she’s lost her safest place of all, my father. To make her lose the family business, the one part of my father that still stands, is not something I can bring myself to do.”
Emma stared into his eyes and the vulnerable emotion Shep showed her, touched by that more than anything ever in her life. For such a strong man to show her this tender side, she felt sucked in, drawn to him in powerful ways that were simply unexplainable.
Within this warm, comforting, safe space, she allowed herself to care about him without the worry that he’d hurt her. “See, but that’s what you’re missing.” She cupped his face, freeing her thoughts, giving him parts of her heart that she had closed off before. “Your mom does have a safe place.”
One single eyebrow arched. “Which is?”
“You.”
Intensity flashed in his eyes with the furrow of his brow. Emotion that she understood because she was feel
ing it alongside him. They’d been lost before, the both of them. Somehow that had brought them to this very moment together. He leaned in and sealed his mouth across hers in the gentlest kiss he’d given her yet. There was no blazing heat, but there was something within its power that spoke of a togetherness that was all theirs, that no one could touch, that they both knew began on this very night.
When he leaned away, he kissed her forehead, then rose with her in his arms, placing her on her feet. Only then did she hear the song playing through the speaker again, realizing exactly what Shep planned to do. He dropped the blanket onto the chair, and he reached for her hand. “Be close,” was all he said, bringing her against him. The moonlight, the starry sky, and the fire were the only lights around them.
She rested her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes, while he dropped his head into her neck and guided her through the dance. Silence drifted between them, but it was most welcome, because it was within the quiet she heard what he was saying without words.
He needed her too.
Chapter 15
The following morning, feeling a little slow and sluggish after the late night with Emma, Shep dropped into his seat at Chase’s reclaimed barn-wood kitchen table set next to the small kitchen with black cabinets. Chase was to his left, Nash on the right. Emma was placing her dirty plate into the dishwasher after finishing off the breakfast Chase had made. Last night Chase had given up his bedroom, taking the couch across from Nash so Shep and Emma had a place to sleep. He owed his brother one.
Chase’s living room took up most of his space, with a corner fireplace and a flat screen hanging above the mantel, surrounded by dark-brown leather couches. Down the small hallway, he had a large master suite and a bathroom, and the space now felt even more crowded than usual, as Shep knew he couldn’t put off this conversation any longer.
With the coffee already brewed in a mug in his hand and his stomach full of bacon, eggs, and slightly burnt toast, Shep returned his mug to the table and got right to the point. “I’ve looked at Dad’s financial records. Schultz isn’t downplaying anything. The company cannot continue as it is. Dad has lost ten major contracts in the last year.”
Nash stopped midway through drinking from his mug, arching an eyebrow. “Do you know why?”
Shep shrugged. “At this point, it’s only guesswork, but I imagine Dad must have not been feeling well, even if he never showed that to us. Clint must have realized he wasn’t giving his clients the attention they deserved, and perhaps Clint jumped on that and schmoozed the hell out of them.”
Chase scooped up some eggs with his fork and asked, “All right, so, now that you’ve had the chance to look things over, what are you suggesting we do?”
Shep ran a hand across his face, rubbing away the tiredness from the previous night. “The way I see it, there are only two things we can do.” He dropped his hand and glanced between his brothers, lifting a finger. “One, I’ll need to close Blackshaw Survival, and we will all have to put our focus into the business.” To Chase, he said, “You and I can head up sales.” To Nash, he added, “You’ll have to run the farm.”