Nothing Ventured

‘ABC,’ was the first thing Fred said when he was introduced to the wet-behind-the-ears young sprog. He didn’t wait for William to ask.

‘Accept nothing, Believe no one, Challenge everything. It’s the only law I live by.’

During the next few months, Fred introduced William to the world of burglars, drug dealers and pimps, as well as his first dead body. With the zeal of Sir Galahad, William wanted to lock up every offender and make the world a better place; Fred was more realistic, but he never once attempted to douse the flames of William’s youthful enthusiasm. The young probationer quickly found out that the public don’t know if a policeman has been in uniform for a couple of days or a couple of years.

‘Time to stop your first car,’ said Fred on William’s second day on the beat, coming to a halt by a set of traffic lights. ‘We’ll hang about until someone runs a red, and then you can step out into the road and flag them down.’ William looked apprehensive. ‘Leave the rest to me. See that tree about a hundred yards away? Go and hide behind it, and wait until I give you the signal.’

William could hear his heart pounding as he stood behind the tree. He didn’t have long to wait before Fred raised a hand and shouted, ‘The blue Hillman! Grab him!’

William stepped out into the road, put his arm up and directed the car to pull over to the kerb.

‘Say nothing,’ said Fred as he joined the raw recruit. ‘Watch carefully and take note.’ They both walked up to the car as the driver wound down his window.

‘Good morning, sir,’ said Fred. ‘Are you aware that you drove through a red light?’

The driver nodded but didn’t speak.

‘Could I see your driving licence?’

The driver opened his glove box, extracted his licence and handed it to Fred. After studying the document for a few moments, Fred said, ‘It’s particularly dangerous at this time in the morning, sir, as there are two schools nearby.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said the driver. ‘It won’t happen again.’

Fred handed him back his licence. ‘It will just be a warning this time,’ he said, while William wrote down the car’s number plate in his notebook. ‘But perhaps you could be a little more careful in future, sir.’

‘Thank you, officer,’ said the driver.

‘Why just a caution,’ asked William as the car drove slowly away, ‘when you could have booked him?’

‘Attitude,’ said Fred. ‘The gentleman was polite, acknowledged his mistake and apologized. Why piss off a normally law-abiding member of the public?’

‘So what would have made you book him?’

‘If he’d said, “Haven’t you got anything better to do, officer?” Or worse, “Shouldn’t you be chasing some real criminals?” Or my favourite, “Don’t you realize I pay your wages?” Any of those and I would have booked him without hesitation. Mind you, there was one blighter I had to cart off to the station and lock up for a couple of hours.’

‘Did he get violent?’

‘No, far worse. Told me he was a close friend of the commissioner, and I’d be hearing from him. So I told him he could phone him from the station.’ William burst out laughing. ‘Right,’ said Fred, ‘get back behind the tree. Next time you can conduct the interview and I’ll observe.’

Sir Julian Warwick QC sat at one end of the table, his head buried in the Daily Telegraph. He muttered the occasional tut-tut, while his wife, seated at the other end, continued her daily battle with the Times crossword. On a good day, Marjorie would have filled in the final clue before her husband rose from the table to leave for Lincoln’s Inn. On a bad day, she would have to seek his advice, a service for which he usually charged a hundred pounds an hour. He regularly reminded her that to date, she owed him over £20,000. Ten across and four down were holding her up.

Sir Julian had reached the leaders by the time his wife was wrestling with the final clue. He still wasn’t convinced that the death penalty should have been abolished, particularly when a police officer or a public servant was the victim, but then neither was the Telegraph. He turned to the back page to find out how Blackheath rugby club had fared against Richmond in their annual derby. After reading the match report he abandoned the sports pages, as he considered the paper gave far too much coverage to soccer. Yet another sign that the nation was going to the dogs.

‘Delightful picture of Charles and Diana in The Times,’ said Marjorie.

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sp; ‘It will never last,’ said Julian as he rose from his place and walked to the other end of the table and, as he did every morning, kissed his wife on the forehead. They exchanged newspapers, so he could study the law reports on the train journey to London.

‘Don’t forget the children are coming down for lunch on Sunday,’ Marjorie reminded him.

‘Has William passed his detective’s exam yet?’ he asked.

‘As you well know, my dear, he isn’t allowed to take the exam until he’s completed two years on the beat, which won’t be for at least another six months.’

‘If he’d listened to me, he would have been a qualified barrister by now.’

‘And if you’d listened to him, you’d know he’s far more interested in locking up criminals than finding ways of getting them off.’