Angel

“Do you know where you’re going?”

“I thought I’d go west. Maybe see the mountains.”

“Do you have enough money?”

“I’ll get by.”

“Wait,” Paul said. He picked up his wallet from the end table and unfolded it. It contained only thirty-one dollars in cash. He took the money out, folded it in half with his index finger, and handed it to Ian.

“I don’t want your money.”

“Take it. I’ll worry. It’s not a lot. If I knew you were leaving me, I’d have gone to the ATM.”

Ian laughed as he tucked the money into his back pocket; then he sniffled and rubbed his nose.

“Keep my number,” Paul said. “If you change your mind… even… even if you don’t—if you get in trouble, anything. I’ll always be here for you.”

“You’ll be fine, you know,” Ian said as a tear escaped down his cheek. “You’ll meet a beautiful woman. And you’ll put her on a pedestal. Maybe she’ll be able to live up to it.”

Paul leaned into Ian. Ian reached up and wiped the tears from Paul’s face and drew him in for a last, lingering kiss. As it faded, they held onto each other, each trying to memorize the feeling. P

aul lowered his head. “Don’t go,” he whispered.

Ian backed away and picked up the fly-eating plant from the end table. He held it up for a moment for Paul to see. Then he turned and walked out the door.

Paul followed him and stood in the doorway, watching him walk to the end of the block, that familiar gait, head high, leading with his hips. Paul tried to memorize his movements. When Ian got to the corner, he turned around. For a moment, Paul thought he had changed his mind, that he would come running back and throw himself into Paul’s arms like a scene from a Hollywood romance. He didn’t. They held a long look. Then Ian waved, turned the corner, and disappeared.

Paul didn’t go into the church that day or the next day. Julie called and left messages on the voice mail, asking where they were, but he didn’t call back. He couldn’t face the questions, the gossip, or the spot in the office where he had sat with Ian just a day before listening to the church members’ meeting. By Thursday, though, he knew he had no choice.

“Where have you been?” Julie asked when she saw him. “I’ve been really worried. Are you okay? Where is Ian?”

“You should put out an ad for a new custodian.”

“Why?”

“Can you send out an all-church e-mail for me?”

“Sure.”

“Tell them that I’m going to make an important announcement on Sunday during the service.”

“What is it?”

“I’d rather tell everybody at once.”

“Paul, did you ask Ian to leave?”

“No,” he said, and he went into his office. He had not even sat down at his desk when Julie knocked on the door. She entered without giving him a chance to tell her to go away.

“What’s going on, Paul?”

Paul pressed his lips together. He wanted to answer without any emotion, but his body couldn’t handle the strain. His voice cracked. “He left. We listened to everything they said at that meeting…. He’s not coming back.”

“Maybe I could try calling him and tell him we want him here.”

“He’s not at the house. He’s gone. He left. I tried to call but he changed his cell phone number or something. I can’t reach him. I don’t know where he is.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.