Beautifully Broken

Dylan releases a breath. “Damn it, Kitty. Don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it,” I sob.

He pulls me into a hug. “Why does it have to be him? Why can’t it be me? All you have to do is let me in.”

“I don’t know,” I say. “I’ve asked myself that same question many times. I don’t know how to explain it, Dylan. I knew he was different from the first moment we met. There’s this thing about him…it’s ineffable. He gets me.”

“And I don’t?”

I pull back and wipe my face with my hand. “Please don’t take it personally. You’re my best friend, Dylan. I love you. I can’t lose you because of this.”

He hunches down to my level so we’re eye to eye. “You love me, but you’re not in love with me, right?”

I nod.

“But you think he’s someone you could fall in love with?”

“It’s too early for that,” I say. “But maybe, yeah.”

“I can’t believe I’m considering this,” he mutters. “I hate that guy!”

“You don’t know him well enough to say that, Dylan. I actually think you guys would get along if you gave it a shot.”

“Ha! Doubtful.”

I smirk, thinking about comments Gavin has made about him. “Yeah, maybe not. But it should only matter how I feel about him, right?”

“I guess,” he grumbles.

“So you really won’t say anything? To anyone?”

He points his finger at me. “I’m not doing this for him. I want to make that very clear. I won’t say anything, Kitty, but only because of you. I may not know exactly what went down freshman year, but I know it fucked you up. I won’t be the one responsible for throwing you to the wolves again.”

I jump into his arms and hug him tight. “Thank you, Dylan. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he replies. “But you can tell Mr. Cooper that if he hurts you, I will fuck him up.”

“I’ll be sure to pass the message along.”

Dylan looks at the clock on his phone. “C’mon, Kitty, let’s get out of here. We’re ridiculously late for first period.”

I take his hand as we exit the closet with a smile on my face and courage in my heart.

OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS, Gavin and I have fallen into a rhythm of sorts. He was anxious when he first learned that Dylan knew about us, but he eventually calmed down, saying that he trusted my judgment. As hard as it is to stay away, we’ve managed to control ourselves during school hours. We certainly make up for it afterwards, though. I’ve stayed at his place every night I’m not working.

Speaking of work, that’s one area of contention between us. Gavin hates what I do for a living—he becomes distant whenever I mention anything about the club. He says he doesn’t want to share me with anyone. I try explaining how I detach myself from the situation but all he sees is that hundreds of men see me naked every week, which makes him grunt and groan like a caveman. He can’t deny that it’s my only viable means of supporting myself in this shitty situation so he’s careful not to cross any lines with his opinion. We agree to disagree about it, I guess.

I smile when my phone chimes with an incoming text.

Gavin: You’re mine on Christmas Eve. Don’t make any plans.

Winter break starts tomorrow which means that Gavin and I will have lots of uninterrupted time together. He’s leaving to go back home on Christmas morning but we’ll have the first week with each other. I even asked for time off from the club. Gavin will be gone from Christmas through New Year’s so I’m working extra shifts during his absence to make up for it.

I type my reply, still trying to get used to moving my thumbs over such a small keyboard. Yes, I know I’m a disgrace to my generation for waiting until age eighteen to get my first cell phone, but when you’re broke, you don’t have much choice in the matter.

Me: Do these plans involve being naked? If so, I’m in!

Gavin: There may be a strategically placed bow somewhere, but other than that, nakedness is a guarantee. ;)