Beautifully Broken

“I don’t know,” I reply as I blow my nose again.

“Well, I’m going to find out.” Marcus spins on his heels and opens the door. Inside the threshold is a fifty-something man with salt and pepper hair and a white coat.

“Cybil Kennedy’s family?” the man asks.

“I’m her husband,” Marcus says as he thumps his chest. “And she’s her daughter. Are you her doctor? When can I see my wife?”

“Mr. Kennedy—” the doctor begins.

“Moore,” Marcus corrects. “We just got married; she hasn’t changed her name yet.”

The doctor gulps. “Mr. Moore, please have a seat so we can talk about your wife.”

“I don’t want to have a fucking seat!” he shouts. “I want to see my damn wife!”

I’m frozen watching Marcus in such a state of panic. If I had any doubts about his feelings before, I don’t now. This is clearly a man worried about the woman he loves.

The doctor adjusts his round-rimmed glasses. “Mr. Moore. I will explain everything. Please, take a seat.”

Marcus sits with a huff. “Well, go ahead, Doc.”

The doctor closes the door and pulls up a chair in front of us. “My name is Ben Miller. I was the attending physician when your wife arrived by ambulance.” He looks at me. “I understand you’re the one who found her?”

I nod. “How is she? Is she awake now?”

“When the paramedics arrived on-site, your mother was in severe respiratory depression.”

“Speak English, Doc,” Marcus barks.

Dr. Miller straightens his spine. “Heroin affects the Central Nervous System. That’s the part of your brain that controls the ability to breathe and keeps the heart beating. She wasn’t getting enough oxygen. That’s why she passed out.”

“But you fixed her, right?” I ask. “That’s what you do; fix people.” When the doctor remains silent I add, “Right?”

Dr. Miller lowers his voice a notch. “I’m sorry, but your mother passed away en route to the hospital. There was nothing we could do. She had the hallmark signs of an acute heroin overdose. We’ll know for certain when the results of the toxicity workup come in.”

My chest seizes. I’m in such a state of shock that I can’t make out what Marcus is saying to Dr. Miller. I can hear my heart beating in my ears. It feels like I’m underwater, fighting against a strong current. I don’t realize that I’m holding my breath until I start feeling faint. I take a giant gulp of air and clutch my chest as a sharp pain jolts me out of my daze.

“Can I see her?” My voice is so quiet I’m not sure if anyone heard me. I take a fortifying breath and try again. “I’d like to see her. Can I see her?”

Dr. Miller and Marcus exchange glances. Marcus looks as incredulous as I feel. I don’t think either of us will believe she’s gone until we see it for ourselves.

“Of course,” Dr. Miller replies. “You can go in together if you’d like. We have her in a private room.”

I glance at Marcus and he seems to read my mind. “It’s okay, Katherine. Go in by yourself. I’ll wait.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Dr. Miller stands and opens the door. “Mr. Moore, I’ll send a nurse over to bring you back when she’s done.” His eyes meet mine. “Miss Kennedy, I’ll take you there now.”

I stare at the back of his white coat as we wander down one long hall, then another. Each room we pass is closed off by glass doors with curtains added to give their patients privacy. There seems to be a never-ending stretch of linoleum as we round another corner. Dr. Miller stops at the first door and slides it open.

“Take as much time as you need,” he says as he opens the curtain and steps aside so I can enter.

The room is sparse—a small sink on one side and a few machines on the other. I can’t take my eyes off the gurney sitting in the middle. A tall, svelte body is clearly outlined under the white sheet that covers it.

“Would you like the lights on?” Dr. Miller asks.

I hadn’t realized they were off until that moment. “Um…no, that’s okay. There’s enough light from the hall.” I timidly step further into the room.