Beautifully Broken

The conviction in his voice leaves no room for doubt. We towel off and change into the dry clothes we brought. Gavin grabs a blanket and wraps it tightly around our bodies as he pulls me into him. I curl into him as we sit on the roc

ky beach watching the sea. His warm breath fans across my face as he clutches me to his chest. I’m not sure how much time passes as we sit there in silence, but it’s enough to watch the sun descend across the sky. As the final rays of light dance across the water, I finally speak.

“This is where I released my daughter’s ashes. This is where I go when I need to think. I’ve never brought anyone here before.”

He squeezes me tighter. “I’m honored that you trusted me. That you let me see this part of you.”

“Sometimes I feel like you see every part of me.” I shiver from the dropping temperature.

He rubs his hands over my arms to create warmth. “Is that a bad thing?”

I turn my face toward him. “No…I don’t know. It’s just…different. I try really hard not to be so transparent.”

He places his palm on my cheek. “You don’t have to do that. I understand wanting to guard your secrets, but you never have to be someone you’re not. Not when you’re with me.”

I sigh. “I worry that we’ve grown so close because of our circumstances. What happens when things calm down? When we no longer have to hide?”

“I don’t know,” he replies earnestly. “What I do know, is that no one has ever made me feel the way you do. No one has ever compelled me to be a better man like you do. Hailey and I were together for almost five years and I never felt this strongly about her. I can’t imagine my world without you in it, Kat. That’s how I know you’re different. I hate that we can’t be together publicly. I can’t wait for the day when that’s no longer true. I want to show you off to the world; scream from the rooftops that you’re mine. Until that day comes, I just ask that you give me the chance to prove myself.”

I turn into him fully and wrap my arms around his neck. “You’ve already proven yourself, Gavin. It’s crazy how fast everything has been, but I can’t imagine my life without you either. I’ve been burned so many damn times that I need you to be patient with me, though. I can’t magically make the doubt go away when it’s been instilled in me for so long. I do trust you. And I believe in us. It’s life in general that I worry about. Circumstances beyond our control. Fate has really fucked with me in the past and I just need time to get over that.”

He presses his forehead against mine. “I’m not going anywhere, Kat. You can have all the time you need.”

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY BACK from winter break. Gavin thinks I should take some time considering I just laid my mom to rest two days ago but I disagree. I need some semblance of normalcy right now. Focusing on schoolwork and the everyday minutia within these walls will help keep me distracted. I’m still not ready to go back to the club but it’s only a matter of time before that needs to happen as well. For now, I can’t bear the thought of running into Marcus. He would, undoubtedly, remind me of my mom which is something I don’t need. By no means am I in denial that she’s gone, but I can’t afford to allow that fact to control my emotions. I lost it when I met him at the funeral home to pick up her ashes. Seeing the grief so openly reflected on his face ripped me apart. When I invited him along to the beach, he refused. He said that his wife was not in that box. Her spirit and effervescence were not contained within a bunch of ashes. He wanted to remember her as she was and he couldn’t do that if he watched her remains being washed away by the ocean. Quite frankly, I don’t blame him. It’s certainly not an event that I’ll ever forget.

“Oh, honey, there you are!” Bree pulls me into a hug. “Kat, I’m so sorry.”

I pull back and take a deep breath to collect myself. “Thanks, Bree. What are you doing here?”

She’s standing right outside my second period class. Gavin’s class. “I was waiting for you. I got in right before the bell rang for first, so I had to wait until second period to find you. I stopped by your apartment several times but you weren’t there. Where’ve you been?”

I shrug. “I’ve been staying with a friend.”

Bree looks confused. “What friend? As far as I know, Dylan and I are it. And I know you weren’t with him because he’s been worried too.”

“I’ve been…seeing someone,” I say quietly. “I’m crashing at his place for a while.”

Now she looks shocked. “What? Who? And since when?”

“A little while,” I say and shrug, trying to make my relationship with Gavin seem much more casual than it is. “You don’t know him. He’s…older.”

“Why am I just finding out about this now?” She looks hurt and I can’t really blame her. “Kat, I’m sorry; I don’t mean to question you like this after what just happened, but I’ve been worried about you. Really worried about you. When can I meet this guy? It’s my job as your bestie to make sure he’s good enough for you.” She adds a smile at the end, obviously trying to inject some levity into the situation.

Shit, how am I going to say this without making her feel even worse?

“Um…you can’t meet him. Not right now, but I promise you will soon. Things are…complicated right now. We’re not ready to go public.”

She scowls. “What the hell, Kat? Is he married?”

“No,” I say vehemently. “Bree, please just trust me on this. He’s wonderful. Probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But I can’t tell you any more than that right now. When the time is right, you’ll understand. I just can’t say more now.”

The warning bell rings, indicating that we only have a minute before the next class begins.

“Shit, I need to haul ass to math.” She pulls me into another hug. “We’ll talk more about this later. I’ll see you at lunch. Okay?”

“’Kay,” I nod.

“Kitty!” I stop right before walking into class when I hear Dylan’s voice. I turn around and see him jogging down the hall.