Deal Breakers (Dealing with Love 1)

He walks up to the tiny brunette and pulls her in for a kiss. “Hey, Megan. We were just playing around. You remember Devyn, right?”

She crosses her arms over her giant boobs. “Uh huh. How could I forget? What’s she doing here?”

I get up from the couch and walk over to the attached kitchen to grab a beer out of the fridge. I hold one out to Rye’s flavor of the month as a peace offering. “Megan, do you want a beer?”

Her face twists in distaste. “Ew. I’ll have a wine cooler though.”

I laugh. She may be kind of bitchy but at least she has a sense of humor. “Ha! Good one.”

She glares at me. “What’s so funny?”

I twist the top off the bottle and take a swig. “The whole wine cooler joke. It was funny. Like anyone really drinks wine coolers anymore.”

Riley clears his throat. “Uh, Dev—”

Megan suddenly turns beet red. “You bitch! First, I find you all over my man and then you insult my choice of beverage? What the hell is wrong with you? Why don’t you go find a man of your own to hang out with, you little slut?”

Oh, no she didn’t! I set my beer on the counter and lunge for her but Josh steps in and holds me back. “Excuse me? Who the heck are you calling a slut?” I give her a good once over and take in her low cut top with denim mini skirt. “Have you looked in the mirror lately, Snooki?”

She’s clawing at Riley’s forearms while he holds her back. “Yeah, I have, and I look good! Which is more than I can say for you. You’re never going to get a boyfriend with the whole Amazonian Plain Jane thing you have going on!”

I lunge for her again. “For the record, I already have a boyfriend! I swear to God, Riley, if you don’t get her out of here, I’m going to punch her in the throat.”

“Dude, this is so hot!” Josh says.

Riley tightens his grip on her. “Megan, calm the fuck down. Devyn is going to be here whether you like it or not. Do I need to ask you to leave or are you going to behave?”

She breaks away from his hold and lets out a big huff. “Fine.”

Josh looks at me. “You good, baby girl?”

He releases his hold on me when I nod. “I’ll be good.”

Riley leads Megan towards the couch. “C’mon, babe, let’s watch the rest of the game.”

She trails her finger down his chest and hooks it under his waistband. “I don’t want to watch basketball.”

“It certainly doesn’t compare to a day at the mall,” I mutter.

Megan glares at me and leans into Riley, whispering in his ear.

Riley smiles at whatever she’s saying. “Uh, if you guys need me I’ll be in my room. But really, don’t knock unless the building is on fire.”

With that, Megan jumps on his back like a monkey and he carries her off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind them.

I roll my eyes. “Ugh, what does he see in that girl? She’s such a wench.”

Josh shrugs. “Maybe. But from what I hear, her rack is to die for and she has a mouth like a Hoover.”

I make a puking gesture. “Gross, Josh! Way too much information!”

He laughs and grabs a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. “C’mon, baby girl, let’s watch the end of the game and get sloppy drunk. If you’re lucky, I might get so wasted I’ll let you take advantage of my hot body.”

I nudge his shoulder as I join him on the couch. “A girl can only hope.”

Moaning filters out through Riley’s bedroom. I glare at the closed door and grab the TV remote to increase the volume.

Josh looks at the door, then back to me and hands me the bottle of Jack with a strange expression on his face. “Here, darlin’, you look like you could use this.”