Beauty in the Ashes

Police are not releasing further details at this time while the perpetrator is still at large. If you have any information concerning the Gregory murders, please contact the police immediately.

At the bottom of the page there was an asterisk and I squinted to read the small font.

*At this time the Gregory murders still remain unsolved

It was dated only six months ago.

I pushed away from my computer and went running for the bathroom. I collapsed on my knees, heaving over the toilet bowl. But nothing came up.

No wonder Caelan acted the way he did. I knew there had to be a reason, but this was beyond anything I had imagined. This was…there were no words.

I couldn’t imagine losing your family in such a grisly way.

I mean, I had lost my real family in a fire, but I’d been a baby. I hadn’t known them. To come home and find your family like that…it had to haunt him. How could it not?

I suddenly, desperately, needed air.

I headed for the door that led to the roof, not wanting to stand on the street and have to face anyone. I couldn’t handle it right now. I needed to be alone to breathe in fresh air and gather my thoughts.

When I stepped onto the roof I stopped in my tracks.

“Not now,” I muttered, recognizing Caelan’s familiar shape.

The door slammed closed behind me signaling that it was too late to turn tail and run.

His head turned in my direction as I took a few more steps closer.

A gasp escaped me as my eyes zoned in on him.

“What are you doing?” I asked him fearfully as I watched him walk the side of the roof like a balance beam.

“Testing death,” he answered simply, “daring it to take me…to sweep me away.” He purposely leaned further over the side where he could fall to the street below.

“Don’t do that!” I cried, running towards him. I reached out to stop him, to do something.

He looked down at me and stopped moving, but still stood on the ledge.

“Don’t worry, I won’t jump. I never do,” he laughed humorlessly. His eyes were vibrant and there was no slur to his words. For once, he wasn’t drunk or high on Lord knows what. “Staying alive is the punishment. Death is the reward.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you’re alive,” he spread his arms wide, and where he stood with the sunset behind him it made it look like he had wings, “you feel. Feelings are a painful son of a bitch. But death, that’s easy. It’s peaceful. It takes away your pain and reunites you with the ones you love.” He looked up towards the sky, his lips lifting in a small smile. Knowing about his family, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was imagining their faces.

“But isn’t life worth fighting for?” I responded, squinting from the brilliance of the sunset.

“Life is about surviving,” he crouched down, still on that damn ledge. I was so afraid that at any moment he would lose his balance and fall three stories below.

“You call what you’re doing surviving? I call it being a coward!” I stomped my foot, my fists clenching in frustration.

“You have no fucking idea what I’ve been through,” he growled and spittle flew from between his lips. “What I saw…” His voice dropped below a whisper. “I have to numb myself so that I don’t remember.”

“What happened to your family, it was awful Caelan, but they wouldn’t want you to have turned into this,” I waved my hand at him.

His eyes threatened to pop out of his head and his face turned so red I thought a blood vessel had ruptured.

“Oh shit,” I mumbled, realizing my mistake.

I wasn’t supposed to know about this.