I went to the doctor today. I’m not sick, but I am pregnant. I don’t know how this happened, but I can’t bring myself to be mad. I’m scared out of my mind, but I’m not mad.
Our love may have ended, but it lives on in our baby.
I hope you’re getting better.
I miss you.
Love,
Sutton
I read through the letter three or four times before I slipped it inside an envelope. I addressed it and stuck a stamp in the corner so that it would be ready to mail in the morning.
Banging across the hall had me sitting up straight.
My heart went in to overdrive as my ears focused on the sounds. Someone was definitely in Caelan’s apartment. Was he back? Had he not been able to cope with rehab? Was that why my letter was sent back?
I forced the questions from my mind and ran to the door. It swung open and I gazed across the hall. I hoped to see Caelan, but of course it wasn’t him. I wasn’t that lucky.
The sight that met me only served to shatter my broken heart further.
The door to Caelan’s apartment was propped open with a box. Inside, I saw Kyle with more boxes, packing Cael’s stuff away.
He wasn’t coming back.
He needed to start fresh and that hurt. When he got out of rehab I wouldn’t get to see him and I wouldn’t know where he was going.
We’re all wrong for each other. Caelan’s words echoed through my skull. I have to say goodbye to you. I’ll be gone for a while and even once I’m out, I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough for this. He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough for me was what he really meant.
“Hi, Kyle,” I whispered. He didn’t hear me. “Kyle,” I repeated his name louder.
He looked over his shoulder and saw me. “Hey, Sutton,” he smiled, but it was forced. He stopped packing the boxes as I slowly made my way into the apartment.
“What are you doing?” My question was unnecessary, but I felt the need to ask it anyway.
He put his hands on his hips and tilted his head slightly to the side. The look he gave me said, do you really want to know? My answer was, of course, yes.
“Cael is going to move in with me once he gets out of rehab. He has a minimum of two months left, but I thought I’d go ahead and get his stuff cleared out.” He shrugged, looking at the ground. This was awkward for the both of us. It was clear he knew that Caelan and I were no more. But had there ever really been an us to begin with? “How have you been?” He asked, trying to remain casual.
“Busy,” I mumbled. No way was I telling him about the baby.
I looked around at the canvases, paintbrushes, and other random items littering the space. Soon they’d be gone and this place would be empty until someone else came along. It was really hitting me that I was never going to see him again. I wouldn’t get to talk to him or see him smile. I would never argue with him again, or have the chance to piss him off by making too much noise. It was really and truly over. I had to accept that and move on with my life. Caelan was right when he told me not to wait for him. We were a dysfunctional, chaotic mess and I loved every second of every moment we shared. But chaos didn’t last. Eventually it disappeared like dust in the wind and ceased to exist…just like us.
CHAPTER 31
Caelan
“You’re making good progress,” Alex commented, looking over his notes.
I didn’t need him to tell me that. I knew I was. Things had changed for me once I opened up that day over a month ago at the picnic tables. It had been quite the eye-opener for me. For far too long I’d pitied myself, but these people didn’t. They were all experiencing the same things. They didn’t offer condolences or hugs. They listened and moved on.
“You know,” he cleared his throat, “in two weeks you’ll have been here for ninety days. You’re not required to stay past that, unless you want to.”
“I know,” I nodded. “I think I’m ready to go home.”
Although, I really didn’t have a home anymore. When I’d last saw Kyle in the hospital we’d discussed it and both agreed it would be best if I terminated my rent agreement at my place and moved in with him. I needed someone to keep an eye on me. Basically, Kyle was going to be my glorified babysitter so that I didn’t do something stupid.
“I’m happy to hear that,” Alex smiled. Leaning forward, he asked, “You remember our first private session?”