I’m already yours, his say back.
I don’t think either one of us can make sense of these feelings between us, but they can no longer be controlled. They’re a wild, chaotic, living and breathing thing. All the reasons that should keep us apart are crumbling around us.
Behind my closed lids there’s a flash of light. For a heartbeat, I’m stupid enough to believe it’s us, that we’re creating some kind of energy, but when I blink my eyes open I find the room flooded with light.
Lachlan’s lips break from mine, his grasp loosening, but he still holds his body above mine, slowly blinking down at me.
“The power’s back on,” he says breathless, stating the obvious.
“Yeah,” I breathe, unsure what else to say.
He sits up, scooting back from my body in the process. I instantly miss the feel of him and ease up, my throat closing up when I see the shame slowly leeching onto his face. I want to scrub it away. It’s the last thing I want to see. Not after this, not after last night.
He rubs his hands roughly over his face.
When he lets them drop his eyes are watery.
“Don’t say it,” I plead, begging even more so with my eyes.
“This is so fucking wrong.”
“You were kissing me five seconds ago,” I protest, my voice cracking. “What changed?”
My hands clench into fists. I want to go back to when the lights were off, where the darkness hid our sins.
Lachlan stands suddenly, beating a fist against his chest. The veins in his neck stand out. I’ve never seen someone look so purely tortured before.
“I’m killing you and I’m killing me,” he chokes up. “Fuck.” He inhales a breath, his whole body expanding with it. “Being with you feels so fucking right, but it’s—”
I stand too then, pointing at him. “Don’t you dare say it’s wrong. Don’t do it.” I shake my head.
“But it is, Dani. Don’t you fucking see that?”
“I don’t care!” I shout. “I, for once in my life, don’t want to question everything and instead follow my gut to what feels right. Is that so wrong?”
His eyes grow bigger. “Yes, Dandelion! It is!” He tugs at his hair, and he looks so tortured I want to wrap my arms around him and make it better, but I know I’m the problem so I can’t do that. “I’m not going to name off all the reasons this is wrong, because you already know,” he swings his arm at me in a wild gesture, “don’t you see? I can’t be with you in the light, I have to hide like a coward in the darkness and I refuse to do that.” His jaw clenches and he shakes his head roughly. “I won’t do that to me or you.”
I look around at all the glowing lights in the apartment—hatred burning through my veins, because such a simple thing has ruined everything.
“I don’t care about the light,” I whisper in defeat.
There’s no point in fighting with him.
“I shouldn’t have allowed myself to give in to my feelings.” His words are barely audible, the struggle going out of him too. “You deserve so much more than this back and forth bullshit.”
I close my eyes, releasing a pent-up breath. “I understand. I know what … what we feel is technically wrong, and I get where you’re coming from. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt, because it does. Five minutes ago I was blissfully happy, sitting with you, watching you, kissing you. Now…” I let my hands fall to my sides. “All because the stupid lights are back on it’s ruined everything.”
We stare at each other, the foot of space between us suddenly feeling insurmountable.
Lachlan swallows, working his jaw back and forth. “I’m sorry.”
I know he is. I am too.
“I’ll go.” My voice cracks.
His eyes track my progress as I move around him, heading for the door. Zeppelin lifts his head, watching me go too. Neither he nor his owner make a move to stop me.
I look over my shoulder and find Lachlan watching me with sad eyes, his expression pained.