But still not the person I want.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper.
Ansel rocks back on his heels, appraising the painting. “I called your brother, said I needed to see you, but he said you left a couple of hours ago for the library. I checked the one near your apartment but you weren’t there. Then I went to Watchtower, and when you weren’t there either, I knew this is where you’d been all along. I was right.”
I shake my head, biting my lip. I hold my arms around myself, so close to breaking down.
It’s been another week since Lachlan left and another whole school week of Ansel ignoring me, which has made it all that much worse not having my best friend. Sasha has tried to get me to talk, but she’s a blabbermouth, so I refuse to say anything. The rumors still circulate in the school halls, growing worse instead of lessening. My new favorite is that Lachlan runs an underground sex ring and my job is to lure in unsuspecting teens. God, what a load of shit. Mr. Gordon had to hold an emergency assembly the rumors got so bad. A letter even went home to parents after calls and emails started rolling in over concerns.
I hate this.
It’s Sunday and I’m already dreading going back tomorrow.
So close to the end of the year, Mr. Gordon hasn’t bothered hiring a new guidance counselor so I spend my every day period either at the outdoor track, now that it’s so warm, or in the library.
I’ve sent a few more angry texts to Lachlan. They show delivered but he never reads them. He probably has me blocked, but I keep sending them because I need to get it off my chest.
“It’s true isn’t it?” Ansel breaks the silence. “Well, not all of it, I don’t think you’re smuggling Mr. Taylor’s sperm in and out of the country, but … you … you had a relationship with him didn’t you?”
I tilt my head back as the treacherous sting of tears returns. I give him a single nod and he exhales.
“Fuck.” He rubs his jaw.
“I’m sorry,” I croak.
“Why are you apologizing to me?” he blurts in surprise.
I look at him at my side. “Because I hurt you. Because I continue to hurt you. You’re my best friend and I treat you like shit.”
“No, you don’t, Meadows.”
“I do.” I nod, sniffling back the tears I don’t want to fall. My eyes hurt so bad every day from all the tears.
He grabs my hand, entwining our fingers together.
“I shouldn’t have ditched you at prom.” My voice cracks and I wipe at the wetness beneath my eyes.
“Did you ditch me for him?”
My lips shake and I look at the ground, toeing my shoe against the gray tile. “Y-Yeah.” I reluctantly meet his gaze again. “See, I told you, I’m horrible. I’m a shitty friend. You should get a new one.”
He squeezes my hand. “Nah, I like my Meadows just fine. I’m keeping you.”
I laugh, but it cracks with my tears turning into sobs instead.
“Come here, pretty girl.” He wraps his arms around me, securing me and protecting me against his chest. His body is warm and he tucks my head under his neck so he can rest his chin on top. It feels good to be held by him. It feels like the hug of a friend, of someone who cares and wants to make it better.
My fingers tighten around him, not wanting to let go. “I love you,” I murmur, and I realize how true the words are.
I love Ansel so much. He’s the best friend I could ever ask for, and to think when I got here I didn’t want any. But I needed him, and I think on a subconscious level I knew that even when I didn’t want to believe it.
Ansel rocks me back and forth in his arms. “Love you too, Meadows.” His lips press softly against the side of my head. He grabs my cheeks, looking into my eyes. “Don’t let this break you.”
I smile through my tears. “Never.”
Another weekend passes, graduation fast approaching. I’m still mad at Lachlan, madder than I think I’ve ever been at a person before. He won’t reply to me and I refuse to read his letter. But with him gone, it’s forcing me to do some soul searching.
“Can you explain what you’re doing?” Ansel asks, helping me move my desk out of the way so I have the whole wall to work with.