Sasha reaches across the counter, squeezing my hand. “Don’t deny yourself something because of fear or whatever else might hold you back.”
“So,” I change the subject, “how long have you two been together? Are you dating or is this just sex? How did this even happen?”
Both of them turn bright red. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it fills me with some joy to watch them squirm.
Sasha speaks up first. “I came to drop something of yours off a few days after you left, I honestly don’t even remember what, and things kind of went from there. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you.” She bites her lip, her eyes sad.
“I don’t blame you for not telling me. It’s not like I was honest with anyone about Lachlan.” I flick a piece of hair out of my eyes. “You guys are serious then? A real couple?”
Sage nods, smiling at my friend. “It doesn’t make sense…”
“But it does,” she finishes for him.
“I’m not sure I can handle all this lovey-dovey-ness,” I joke, finishing my coffee. “But I’m happy for you guys. Truly.”
That doesn’t mean it’s not weird that my brother is dating my eighteen-year-old friend when he’s twenty-seven, but if anyone knows that age doesn’t matter it’s me. In fact, it’s good to see Sage happy. His posture isn’t nearly as stiff, he’s smiling non-stop, and he can’t take his eyes off her.
My chest aches a bit, thinking of Lachlan. I miss him, and his texts don’t help. I texted him for months as almost a journal of sorts, now it’s his turn to do the same. I know in my heart he’s it for me, but I’m scared to see him again. I’ve changed since I last saw him so it’s likely he has too. What if the feelings aren’t the same? I don’t even know where he is, if he’s still in Utah or not. He might not even want to see me, despite his texts, after all, I insinuated I was moving on with Ansel. I’ve never bothered to correct him on it either. When his texts started rolling in it felt like it was my time to stay quiet and let him speak.
“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Sasha rests her elbow on the counter, head in her hand as she watches me.
“Yeah.”
Sage grinds his jaw but says nothing.
“You shouldn’t feel guilty for what you feel for him.”
“What are you? A mind reader now?” I joke.
“No, but I’ve been in your situation.” She glances at Sage. “My parents weren’t the most approving of us,” she adds softly. “I get it. And if your brother gets his head out of his ass, he does too.”
He exhales a heavy breath. “I want you to be happy, D. If he does that for you at the end of the day that’s all that matters.”
“We’ll see what happens,” I whisper softly.
But deep inside me I feel that familiar tug, the one pulling me toward Lachlan and reminding me that no matter what I do or say, he’s forever a part of me.
Chapter Eighty-One
I drop my keys on the side table, shrugging out of my jacket.
“Hey, Tally,” I greet the Maine Coon kitten who pokes her head out from under the couch when she hears me. I set down the bag of things I took from my room at Sage’s. I have a few more things to pick up, but I got the necessities. Like the wind chime that clangs when the bag touches the floor.
Tally startles and dives back under the couch.
Getting a pet was part of my therapy. To have to take care of something. I wanted to get a dog, that’d been my intention anyway, but when I went to the shelter Tally had just been brought in, abandoned on the side of the road by a supposed breeder because she was missing half her tail. I knew she was mine right away. Broken things tend to cling to broken
things.
“Come on, Tally.” I lay on the floor, peering under the couch to try and spot her gray colored fur. Big eyes blink owlishly back at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, baby girl.”
She sniffs my fingers, lets out a meow, and slowly crawls toward me until I can scoop her up.
I stand up with her cradled in my arms as I pad across to the small kitchen to grab a grape Fanta—damn you Ansel.
The studio apartment I’m renting is as tiny as they come, but it’s clean, in a good area, and cheap enough that I can use what I earn to pay for it and not dig any more into my inheritance. I’m saving what’s left for school loans and to buy that house on a farm some day. I know it’s a big dream, but I’m going to make it happen.
Tally meows when I pop the tab on the can, glaring at me for the loud noise. “Sorry, girly.” I let her onto the floor and she scampers over to the couch, waiting for me to lift her up. For some reason, maybe due to something that might’ve been done to her, she refuses to jump on anything like a normal cat.