Bring Me Back

He smiles widely. “Good, I’m glad I could help. I’m here for you anytime you need it.”

I stand and pick up my tea and muffin wrapper. “Well I better get going.”

“Yeah, of course.” He stands and picks up Cole before leading me to the door.

“Bye,” I say, and wave at him over my shoulder.

“Bye.” He smiles and waves back.

“Bye-bye.” Cole grins and buries his face in the crook of Ryder’s neck.

I smile at the little boy before the door closes. Cole doesn’t know it, but he just gave me even more hope, because suddenly I see what I’ll have with my baby.

I drive around for a while after I leave Ryder’s. I don’t feel like going home or shopping, so that leaves driving. I turn the radio up and let my thoughts leave me. I feel better, a lot better, since talking to Ryder; there’s something about him that’s like a balm to a wound. Maybe because our experiences are somewhat similar I feel more connected to him. I trust him, without really knowing him. There are not many people I’ve ever had that kind of connection with. Only Ben and him.

After a while of driving around, it’s finally time to meet the girls at the café. I still don’t feel like going, but I no longer dread it like I did this morning.

I park my car and head inside. I’m the first one there, so I order a hot chocolate and take a seat in my usual spot.

Chloe arrives first and waves before heading over to the register to place her order. She grabs her own drink and sits down, unwinding her plum-colored scarf from around her neck. Her nose is pink from the cold and her cheeks are flushed. “Hi,” she says.

“Hey,” I say back.

“How are you?” she asks, wrapping her hands around her mug of coffee.

I shrug. “Same old, same old.”

Her lips twist together and she looks away. She doesn’t know what to say and neither do I, so I pick at an invisible stain on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

Hannah and Casey arrive at the same time, saying a quick hello before placing their orders and coming to sit down. They both got a sandwich while Chloe and I stick to our drinks.

Casey pulls out a chair and sits down. I look up at her slowly, wondering if she’s really doing what I think she’s doing. I keep expecting her to move, but she doesn’t. She’s chatting with Chloe—she might even be speaking to me, but I can’t hear her if she is.

“What are you doing?” I ask. My voice is unrecognizable, distorted by anger.

“What?” Her gaze swings to me and her blond curls bounce.

“You’re. Sitting. In. Ben’s. Seat.” I bite out each word through gritted teeth.

She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “It’s a seat.”

“It’s Ben’s seat,” I shriek, turning more than a few heads in our direction.

“Blaire,” she hisses, “you’re making a scene.”

“And you’re still in Ben’s seat,” I snap at her. I shake my head and laugh under my breath. “You know, you tried to hide, it but it was always obvious how much you wanted him for yourself,” I say in the nastiest tone I can muster. I don’t know what’s come over me, but I suddenly want to hurt her. I want someone else to hurt the way I do, even if it’s for a different reason. “We both knew it. Ben made fun of you for it,” I lie. Ben would’ve never made fun of Casey for any reason.

Tears fill her eyes. “Blaire, what the hell is wrong with you? It’s a fucking chair. If you want me to move that badly, I will. All you had to do was ask.”

She’s visibly upset as she moves chairs, and I feel better, but only for a second. Then the reality of what I said and how I acted hits me, and I’m horrified. My mouth drops open and I shake my head.

“Casey,” I begin, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry. I … I have to go.”

I dash out of the café, even as they call my name. I get in my car and speed out of the lot before any of them can stop me.

I head straight home, and once I’m inside, I slam the door and drop my keys on the side table before running upstairs.

“Blaire?” my mom calls from the bottom of the stairs. “What’s wrong?”