Bring Me Back

“Dance with us?” He holds out his hand, urging me up.

“I don’t know,” I hedge, shaking my head.

“Come on,” he coaxes. “You don’t want to make us sad, right, Cole?”

The little boy nods and pouts his bottom lip. Ryder laughs at him and then does the same, curling his bottom lip under.

“Well—” my lips quirk “—I can’t refuse those faces, can I?” I stand and take Ryder’s hand.

The three of us make our way over to where everyone else is dancing. Ryder spins me around and I laugh.

I let my fear and worries fade away and I’m simply Blaire—spending the Fourth with the guy she likes, friends, and family.

Ryder pulls me against his chest, and of course, my belly gets in the way. He laughs and looks down, bouncing Cole in his other arm. “It’s like there’s a person between us.” He winks.

I laugh at his corniness. “Something like that.”

We sway to the music awkwardly—thanks to my stomach and Cole. I don’t mind, though, it feels right.

Ryder lowers his head and presses his forehead to mine. “I want to go on a date with you so bad.” There’s so much longing in his voice. “I know you’re not ready, but I’m putting that out there.” His lips brush my forehead before he pulls back.

I adjust my arms around his neck and purse my lips. “A date might not be so bad,” I whisper.

His eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”

I shrug. “I’d … I’d like to get to know you better. Just something casual—no fancy dinners, please. That’s not my thing.”

His lips crook up in a lopsided smile. “Next Saturday good for you?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

His smile widens further. “Thank you,” he says.

I laugh. “Don’t thank me yet. I still might run away,” I joke. “But I’m trying. I like you.” I swallow thickly and gaze up at him. I’ve gotten to know Ryder a lot over the last few months, and he’s honestly one of the nicest guys I’ve ever known. And I know my mom’s right when she says Ben would want me to move on—he’d want me to do whatever made me happy. But trusting my heart—especially one that’s been so broken is no easy feat.

Ryder brushes his nose against mine. “If you run, I’ll run too, this time. Not away, but I’ll be right there beside you. You’re not alone, Blaire. You have so many people that love and care about you.”

I hold on tighter to his shoulders. “I know.”

That’s what scares me most.

I’m going on a date with Ryder.

I believe if I keep repeating the words to myself I’ll somehow become desensitized to them. So far, my theory isn’t working. Ryder is the first man, besides Ben, that I’ve gone on a date with in years. Seven, almost eight, if I remember correctly. That’s insane to me. I’ve been out of the game for nearly a decade.

I take extra time curling my hair and putting on my makeup. It’s not really for Ryder’s benefit—okay, maybe a little bit—but it’s the only thing I’ve found to completely silence my mind. It’s a bit impossible to think about anything but lining your lips when you’re yielding a lip pencil and your mouth is gaping like a fish.

Ryder didn’t give me much information on what we were doing, except to say that we’d be outside most of the day. That could mean a million different things and I had no idea what to prepare for. A large part of me wanted to freak out and completely overthink things, but I was trying to go with the flow.

I finished my makeup, fluffed my curled hair, and headed into my closet.

I didn’t look at Ben’s side. I never did. I couldn’t bring myself to notice his shirts and jeans stacked neatly on shelves and his shoes scattered on the floor. It especially seemed wrong that they were still there on a day like today when I was going on a date with another man. I felt like I was cheating in a way. Logically, I knew that wasn’t the case, but it didn’t stop me from feeling that way.

I scanned my closet for something to wear. I felt like a whale so everything my fingers touched I immediately vetoed. I stood with my hands on my hips, frowning at my wardrobe.

What to wear? What to wear?

I figured a dress was a safe bet so I’d narrowed it down that much. But I wasn’t in the mood to wear something floral, white seemed … wrong, and stripes would only add to the whale affect. I end up settling on a long black dress with thicker tank top straps. I add some jewelry to dress it up a bit and a hat.