“Speaking of eating, we need to do lunch again. Maybe we could get take-out and you could come see my apartment.”
She smiles. “I’d like that. I’m excited to see your place. How are you liking it?”
“I’ve only been there a few days, but I really like it. It’s … different, and definitely an adjustment, but it feels right. You know?”
She nods. “Maybe once I see your place it’ll finally inspire me to move on.”
“Aw, Ivy,” I say, setting the boxes down on the table so I can grab some coffee. “Don’t push yourself before you’re ready.”
She sighs. “I should’ve been ready a long time ago.”
I shake my head. “That’s not true. Everyone grieves at their own pace. You can’t push yourself—trust me. That’s led to many breakdowns on my part. And maybe moving out of your house isn’t the best route for you,” I continue. “You have to find your own way.”
She sighs. “You’re sounding more and more like Ryder every day.”
I laugh and glance back at where he stands in the doorway. “Is that such a bad thing?”
“No, it’s not.” She smiles slyly and starts towards the seats. “You’ve got it bad, girl,” she sing-songs.
This time I don’t rebuke her, because she’s right. She’s always been right and I didn’t want to see it. It’s easier to remain blind so you don’t have to accept the truth, but now my eyes are wide open.
There’s a knock on my apartment door, but I’m not expecting anyone. I stare at the door like it has insulted me or something.
Another knock.
“Blaire, it’s me.”
Hannah.
I unlock the door and it swings open. “Oh, hey—” I begin and then see Casey and Chloe behind her. “Hi guys,” I say, opening it wider.
“We wanted to bring you a housewarming present,” Hannah says. “I mean, I know I’ve seen the place but these goobers haven’t.” She motions to our friends behind her.
“You’re obligated to show us the place since you won’t let us throw you a party.” Chloe pouts.
“I’m pregnant,” I say by way of explanation. “Who wants to party when they’re carrying a basketball around all the time?” I point at my stomach.
“Speaking of that,” Casey says as they move into the apartment, “are you still nixing the baby shower thing?”
I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to them since I was at Group yesterday. Several people said they were interested in coming, even some of the men, so it doesn’t seem so pointless.
“I changed my mind. I want one.”
Casey squeals and fist pumps the air. “Yes,” she cries. “I knew you’d regret it if you told us no.”
“Please don
’t make people play any of those stupid games,” I plead, swishing my hands back in forth in an X motion.
“No promises.” Casey grins evilly.
“So,” I say, “what’s this housewarming present you speak of?” I ask.
“Oh, here.” Chloe holds out a carefully wrapped package. “It’s from all of us.”
I rip off the paper, balling it up and tossing it on the floor. In my hand I hold a picture frame with a picture of us a few years ago on New Year’s Eve. I touch my finger to the glass, smiling wistfully. Ben took that photo.
“Squish together,” Ben said, bringing his hands together like we didn’t know what to do. “Closer, closer. There.”