“We have,” I agree.
I think back to those first weeks and months. It was the worst time of my life and I thought I would never get better. I thought it would take a miracle to bring me back to the person I was.
I was wrong.
It didn’t take a miracle.
All it took was me.
I brought myself back from the brink of demise.
The people around me, they helped, but I had to do it on my own. I had to accept Ben’s death in order to truly move on and accept happiness back into my life. He’ll always be with me, though, living on in my heart, in our daughter, and in the paper cranes.
As if conjured by magic, I spot a paper crane on a park bench several yards to our right.
“Is that …?” I begin.
Ryder sees it and stands. “It is.” He grins.
My heart skips a beat. I know there’s no way it’s one from Ben—it has to be from a Group member or some other random person who’s picked up on The Paper Crane Project—but it still feels like it’s a sign from him.
“Go get it,” I tell Ryder as Ava lets out a little cry. Ryder jogs over to the bench and swipes the purple paper crane before returning. He sits back down and I nudge him with my arm. “Open it, please,” I beg.
He unfolds it and holds it out so I can read.
When your nights seem endless, know that the sun will always shine again.
My throat catches. The words describe the last few months perfectly—an endless night, but the sun finally rose again and bathed my world in a brilliant light.
FIVE YEARS LATER…
“Ava, careful! Don’t hit your brother!” I scold when Ava whacks Cole over the head with a plastic softball bat.
“Ow!” Cole cries, rubbing the top of his head. “That’s not nice!”
“You brokeded my Barbie!” she yells back, drawing the bat back to hit him again.
“Whoa, whoa, what’s going on in here?” Ryder asks, breezing into the room with our fussy three-month-old son, Wyatt, in his arms. “What’s wrong, birthday girl?” He bends down to Ava’s level.
“Coley brokeded my doll!” Crocodile tears coat her face.
“Aw, I’m sure he didn’t mean to,” Ryder consoles her. “Besides, I’m sure you got lots of new dolls for your birthday.” He tweaks her nose.
“Weally?” she asks, looking up at him with wide blue eyes.
“Really.” Ryder nods, reaching for her hand. “Why don’t we go outside and see your grandparents while mommy finishes your cake?”
I smile gratefully at him and he winks.
“Don’t gwive Coley any of my cake,” Ava warns me with a pointed finger.
Personality wise, she’s my mini-me, but looks wise she’s all Ben, except for her dark colored hair.
“I won’t. You get the first piece, birthday girl.”
“Good.” She nods and lets Ryder take her outside where we have everything for her party set up.
My parents flew in for the occasion, plus they’ve been dying to see Wyatt. Ryder’s parents are here too. I’ve gotten to know them well and they practically feel like my own parents at this point. They even treat Ava like she’s really their granddaughter. Loraine drove up for Ava’s party too—she tries to see her at least once a week, if not more, and now that Ava’s a little older I promised to start letting her keep her overnight sometimes. I like for Ava to spend time with Loraine and learn more about her dad. I talk to her about him too, tell her how we met, and how great he was. Even though Ryder is the only dad she knows, I want her to know that Ben loves her too. His love might not be one we can physically feel, but it’s still there.